Do you struggle with meditation? Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

Do you struggle with meditation?

Do you struggle with meditation? Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stGasp! I did it.

I used the “M” word.

It’s a word I’ve been careful to avoid since launching Feminine 1st two years ago…because it’s a word that can really alienate people.

“Meditation”

When you use the “M” word, it can provoke a really strong reaction.

Some people think that it’s “woo woo” and not for them, some people feel that they don’t have the time…some people think that they just simply can’t do it.

When  you look at the definition of meditation it’s literally “to take some time in quiet thought”, so when I’ve talked about meditation, instead I’ve talked about taking quiet time for you, taking time out of the day, creating some space.

What’s the challenge with meditation?

In the past when I’ve tried to meditate, I’ve really struggled.

As women we tend to have a lot on our minds, and finding the ‘quiet’ can be a challenge.

I’ve enjoyed it when I was able to listen to a guided meditation which has allowed me to focus on something other than the stuff in my head and has literally ‘guided’ me through the process.

But silent meditation has been a real challenge.

So on a recent trip away with a friend of mine I was delighted to have a real ‘breakthrough’ around meditation…and how to do it in a way that works for me…and I wanted to share it with you to help you find a way that works for you too…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can meditation work for you?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to meditate in a way that works for you!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

A different way to review the year…

A Different Way To Review the Year  - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

At the end of one year and the beginning of the next we tend to look back and review the year that has passed.

The funny thing about doing this is that this can both work for us and against us.

Sometimes it can lift our spirits.

More often than not it can lead us to focus on what hasn’t happened, what hasn’t worked, and what we haven’t got.

So this year I would like to invite you to review the year gone passed in a new way…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can review the last year in a more feminine way?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to review the last year in a more feminine way!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Thursday thought quote: A friend is the person with whom you can be completely, unreservedly, unapologetically yourself & know you will always be accepted

This Week’s Thursday Thought: A friend is the person with whom you can be completely, unreservedly, unapologetically yourself & know you will always be accepted

This week’s Thursday Thought:

A friend is the person with whom you can be completely, unreservedly, unapologetically yourself & know you will always be accepted

Thursday thought quote: A friend is the person  with whom you can be  completely, unreservedly, unapologetically yourself &  know you will always be accepted

The Feminine Way to Enjoy Christmas…

The Feminine Way to Enjoy Christmas, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stChristmas is one of my favourite times of the year.

The lights are sparkling, the tree is up…it can be truly magical.

As feminine women it can be a great time of year…we can indulge the playful, childlike side of the feminine, we can connect with people who we maybe don’t see as often throughout the year and enjoy feeling inspired by the festive season.

I love to indulge my creative feminine side at this time of year…whether it’s being creative with Christmas gift ideas or having fun in the kitchen.

But the challenge these days is that Christmas isn’t all fun and games.

In fact, Christmas can often be very very stressful.

The Christmas stress-fest!

We’ve all seen it, we’ve all probably done it…

We’ve let the pressure of a ‘perfect’ Christmas take over our lives, and have gone spiralling down into stress-central in the run up to Christmas…so much so that by the time you get to the actual day you’re run down, exhausted and just want it to be over.

But it doesn’t have to be that way…

Is it possible to have a Feminine Christmas?

We often do Christmas in this stressed manner, because we don’t know another way of doing it…and because everyone around us is doing the same thing, we assume it’s ‘normal’.

But there is another way….we’re just not used to seeing it.

So today I want to share with you some ideas and suggestions for a more Feminine way to enjoy the Festive season, that could completely change your experience of Christmas, if you’re willing to have a play with it…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can you enjoy Christmas in a feminine way?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out what else do we need to know about how to enjoy Christmas in a feminine way!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

How to avoid the annual break-up season

Would you like to know how to avoid the annual break-up season?

How to avoid the annual break-up seasonThe festive season can be wonderful.

…it can also be a really challenging time of year.

Family commitments, present-buying, Christmas parties, money-worries, end of year deadlines…

It’s a recipe for a stress-cocktail.

It’s no surprise that according to Facebook, December is the month of the year with the highest number of breakups.

The problem with stress is that we have a tendency to take it out on the people who are closest to us. They are the people who see every side of us…the good, the bad and the very ugly.

We don’t put on pretenses for those who are closest to us…and we don’t tend to pull our punches.

You see, when we’re under stress our bodies jump into fight or flight mode.

Why is this the annual break-up season?

We learned our stress responses many years ago when ‘stress’ was caused by coming face-to-face with a saber-toothed tiger or a woolly mammoth. It was a matter of survival. Us or them.

Unfortunately our stress responses have not evolved with our lives…so we get the same rush of adrenaline and hormones when dealing with an urgent deadline as we did when being considered as a Paleolithic beast’s lunch.

So when we feel stress we see the world as a threat…including our partner.

When we see someone or something as a threat, all compassion and understanding tends to fly out of the nearest window. We have two go-to responses; protect & defend ourselves, and attack.

…and when one person gets defensive or confrontational, the other person often isn’t far behind.

So how can we avoid the stress-loop that often leads to a break-up?

Well the biggest problem when we enter this stress-pattern is that we forget that we are on the same side.

We’re on the same team.

They aren’t your adversary, they’re your team-mate.

Think about a football team. How successful do you think a team would be if they spent all their time tackling each other rather than focusing on the opposition, or the goal?

Not very.

You see, our response to stress often has us drawing battle lines against the person with whom you could instead be creating a battle strategy WITH.

So if you notice yourself dropping into ‘confrontation mode’ with your partner, here are a few simple steps to help you get back in each other’s corner again.

  1. Stop – So many of our troubles at this time of year start because rather than responding to what’s happening we react. We fire right back at the moment we feel upset or triggered without taking a moment to stop and consider how we want to respond, or the consequences of our reaction. Take a pause…it could make all the difference.
  2. Breathe – Take a deep breath, and allow yourself to let go of some of the tension in your body. When we go into fight of flight mode our muscles tense in order to be ready to swing a right-hook, or run for the hills. Taking a deep breath and shaking out your body can release some of this tension and help you to relax.
  3. Ask yourself a question – When we feel this way, it tends to be because we’ve attributed a meaning to our partner’s behavior (what they’ve said / not said / done / not done) that might not be in-line with the intention behind it. So ask yourself “What else could this mean?”, could there be another reason than the one you’ve got in your mind?
  4. Apologise – At this point you may be a little confused. Apologise? But they’re the one who’s upset me! While that may be true…step back a little bit. Is there something that you’ve said or done (or not said or done) that might have caused a reaction in them? Might they have misinterpreted your actions or words? If you can see how they might be upset, apologise for your part in what’s happened, without reservation, and without bringing how you’re feeling into it (for now).
  5. Ask for their help – It may be that they simply don’t know what you want or need, and how to give it to you…so the easiest way for them to be able to do this is for you to tell them. But barking instructions at them is probably not going to help them feel you’re on the same side. Instead ask for their help…ask for what you want and need, show them how to help and support you.
  6. Remind them that you’re on the same team – Remind them that you’re on their team…and that you know that they’re on your team too. Just verbalising this can make such a difference to how you both perceive what’s going on. It might be a misunderstanding, it might be a difference of opinion, but if you’re on the same side, you can figure it out together.

When you’re on the same side, dealing with the stress of the season seems so much more manageable…and you know you’re not dealing with it alone. Navigating your way through this can both pull you together, or tear you apart…choosing to be on the same team can make it more likely to be the former.

…and what if you do break-up?

…and if you do break up this time of year, there are a few things to bear in mind.

If the choice to separate wasn’t yours, then the other person has done you the favour of walking away from you. You want to be with someone who chooses you, who sees you, who values you…who wants to be with you. If this person has made another choice, you deserve more.

But knowing that doesn’t make the process of dealing with it any easier…so you might want to check out a couple of these articles to help you through the process:

…and the new year is a good time to move start afresh, to go through the process of letting go of the past and to begin to attract and create the relationship that you desire and deserve.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Today’s Fabulous Friday Female is the little girl called Faith

SorryOne of the biggest challenges in relationships these days is the fact the people don’t tend to be very good at taking personal responsibility.

We’re too quick to point the finger at other people, and look for where it ISN’t our fault…rather than how we can own our part in it.

So when I heard the story I’m sharing today, it warmed my heart.

Because this is the story of a 5 year old girl who made a mistake, and accidentally broke something at a department store in the Christmas rush.

Nobody at the store knew that it had even happened, so it would have been easy for her to have ‘gotten away with it’.  But this little girl wanted to make the situation right.

So she wrote a note to the John Lewis store, apologising for the accident in which a Christmas bauble was broken, and including in it £2 to cover the cost of the breakage.

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The store was so touched by the note, that they’ve spent all week trying to find the little girl to thank her and offer her a gift from the store to recognise her honesty.

They’ve since found the little girl in question, but because she is so shy she’s reluctant to come forward. But whether her identity becomes known or not, I’d like for you to join me today in acknowledging her for her honesty and desire to do the right thing.

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As you know, I would love to acknowledge, honour and celebrate the women and men who have inspired you as well.

So if there is someone that you believe should feature as a Fabulous Friday Female (or Fellow!), then send me an email (claire@feminine1st.com) with 3 simple details:

  • Who is your Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow? (Her / his name and location in the world)
  • Why is she / he a Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow to YOU? (How do you know her / him? What does she / he do? In what way is she / he inspiring?)
  • A photo or link to a picture of her / him online (if there is a reason that you would prefer not to include a photo, just let me know)

So help me to share with all of our lovely ladies the real women and men who inspire YOU.

…and remember, as always, to Stay Fabulous too!

Claire x

Find a Reason, Any Reason, To Celebrate Today

This Week’s Thursday Thought: Find a reason, any reason, to celebrate today

This week’s Thursday Thought:

Find a reason, any reason, to celebrate today

Find a Reason, Any Reason, To Celebrate Today

It's not just about increasing your feminine, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

It’s not just about increasing our feminine…

It's not just about increasing your feminine, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stIf you’re someone like me who spent a lot of your life in a very masculine state (possibly without ever knowing it), when you first find out more about the masculine / feminine dynamic it is usual to focus on how you can increase your connection to your femininity.

Over the last few weeks we’ve been going through each of the different aspects of the feminine, looking at each of them individually and finding out more about how to find your unique expression of them.

As we know, your feminine is as unique as you are, so what flow, or inspiration, or intuition means, feels and looks like to you could be completely different to someone else’s.

 

It’s not all about the feminine

The thing is that it’s easy in this situation to make our masculine traits ‘wrong’ or to think that we shouldn’t be using them.

But we all have both masculine and feminine inside us for a reason.

Although we all have one of these towards which we ‘tend’…that doesn’t mean that the other one isn’t important.

It’s about finding the balance that is right for you.

…and when it is about the feminine, are you forgetting something?

But even when we are focusing our feminine we sometimes we forget one of the most important areas.

In fact, I don’t believe I’ve seen an article anywhere about what I’m sharing with you today, when it comes to looking at femininity and masculinity.

But without it, the other aspects will be less effective…or worse, won’t work at all…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So what else do we need to know about to connect with our feminine?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out what else do we need to know about to connect with our feminine!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

mens womens brains

It’s official – Men’s and women’s brains are physically different. So how does this affect our relationships?

mens womens brainsAt a gut level we’ve always known that men and women are fundamentally different.

We didn’t need a research paper to tell us that men and women have very different approaches, motivations, thought processes and emotional responses to life…just listen to any couple arguing and the differences are apparent.

But nevertheless the research released this week from Penn Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania that reveals striking differences in the brains of men and women is beneficial for everyone to pay attention to.

Why?

While most of us might ‘know’ we’re different, the trouble is that we have a tendency to forget. Often.

When we’re trying to communicate with our partner, or worse are involved in a ‘heated difference of opinion’, we have a bad habit of thinking that inside they think, feel and act the same as we do…it’s just the external packaging looks a little different.

So we’re surprised when they don’t seem to ‘get’ us…when they don’t agree with us or see our point of view.

Even more dangerous is the assumption we make in these situations that our way is the ‘right’ way…and all they need is to be convinced of this and everyone would be happy (when in reality all it does is frustrate and annoy them).

Understanding our brains…

So if we only understood a little more about HOW we’re different, life could be so much easier.

This is one of the reasons that I began doing the work I do now…helping people around the world to transform their relationships.  I find human beings fascinating…and when I began to look into and understand the differences between men and women so much became clear.

The reasons that so many people have trouble in their relationships and why I’d had so many difficulties with men in the past.

I was stunned to learn that it wasn’t all their fault!

It was that we simply didn’t understand each other…and had no idea how to communicate with someone so different to ourselves.

The more I understood, the more important it seemed to share this knowledge and information with others…because so many people’s lives could be made easier and far more enjoyable if we knew this stuff.

How are our brains different?

So what does the study tell us?

One of the things that the study explains is that in the largest part of the brain, men’s brains have a greater degree of connectivity within each individual hemisphere…whereas in women there is a greater degree of connectivity between the two hemispheres of the brain.

One of the implications of this is that men are naturally inclined to be better at focusing on one thing at a time, and women are naturally inclined to be able to move between not just different things, but also different TYPES of things.  Now, neither of these approaches is ‘better’ or ‘worse’…they’re just different, but understanding this could make a huge difference in your relationship.

For example if you’re a woman talking to your partner, the interconnections in your brain will mean that the conversation may jump about…one minute you can be talking about work, the next you’re onto what you’re doing at the weekend, the next you’re saying how you are feeling about something that’s happening with a friend of yours.  If you’re talking to another woman she’s likely to be able to follow your thought-train and stay with you as your thoughts and ideas jump around from subject to subject.

If you’re talking to a man though, he’s likely to get frustrated with a conversation that jumps around and doesn’t seem to achieve anything (by completing the individual topics as you go).  He would prefer to speak about one thing at a time so you can have his full and complete focus on one item before moving onto the next topic, and he may want a moment to mentally make the switch to a new conversation.

If you don’t allow him to deal with only one topic at a time, not only is he likely to get frustrated, but he’s also likely to miss aspects of what you’re saying because his brain isn’t designed to jump around from topic to topic.  When that starts to happen it’s possible that you could get frustrated because you might equate him not following your conversation thread as ‘not listening’…when in reality his brain just isn’t designed to process information that way.

Likewise if you have to slow down and deal with only one thing at a time, you may get frustrated as you may not remember (and therefore be able to come back to) all the other thoughts that came up when you were discussing point number one.

If you understand this, and see the big picture, you can see how difficulties and arguments can arise.

When you understand the brains, you understand the relationship better

…and this is just one of the ways in which men and women differ!  When you start to build up the full picture you can begin to spot the potential pitfalls before they even occur.

More importantly you can begin to work WITH your partner (sometimes with a little external advice or support) to figure out a way around these situations that takes into consideration both of your strengths and limitations…and that works for you both.

In a nutshell, this study tells us that men and women’s brains each do something really well that the other isn’t designed to be as good at.  In many ways, they are opposite.

In other words, they are complementary….so if we can understand how to get them to work together, they’d be unstoppable.

So rather than looking at where you’re right and your partner is wrong, or trying to get them to do things ‘your way’…take this opportunity to realise that you both have strengths, and you both have weaknesses…but together you can be the best of both worlds.

If you can begin to understand each other better, you can avoid the arguments and learn to communicate in a way they can really understand.

…and that makes everyone happier.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

FFF Jeremy Loveday

Today’s Fabulous Friday Fellow is Jeremy Loveday

FFF Jeremy LovedayToday’s article is a real edge for me.

I’m not someone who tends to shy away from controversy, or is afraid to share things that might make people a little uncomfortable.

But there is one word, one subject that I find really challenging.

Rape.

As a woman, just typing that word brings up a physical reaction in my body.  It makes me want to recoil, hide, protect myself.

Any time I hear it…even used colloquially for another purpose, it has the same reaction…and it’s not something I’ve ever spoken about here on Feminine 1st.

Part of me wants to pretend that this awful part of the human experience doesn’t exist.

But I know that it does.  In fact, I know several women, friends of mine, who have been victims of rape.

So when I saw this video by Jeremy Loveday, I realised that it’s not only men that have to take of their masks…it’s not only men who need to talk about it, it’s us women too.  Because it is a reality of our world.  …and until such time as this horror is no longer a part of our culture, we need to keep talking about it, keep shining a light on it, and keep saying in words of one syllable: Rape is wrong.

I toyed with the idea of sharing this in the New Year…not wanting to put it out there during the Christmas season.  But let’s be honest, rape doesn’t stop for festivities.  It’s as relevant now (if not more so with the plethora of alcohol-fuelled celebrations) as any time of the year…and wanting to delay sharing it is just another way of avoiding the reality.

It’s not pleasant.  It’s uncomfortable.  It’s difficult to face.  But it’s also a real problem that needs to be faced head on, by people who have the courage to step forward and remove the masks that are hiding us all from the truth.

..and I encourage you, no matter how uncomfortable it is, and how much you want to pretend that it’s not a part of your world, to watch and share this powerful video.

So today I would like you to join me in acknowledging Jeremy for his courage to speak out, and his brave words that echo in the minds and hearts of every person who has ever shied away from this topic.  We need to make a stand together…thank you Jeremy for encouraging me to use my voice to speak out about this as well.

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As you know, I would love to acknowledge, honour and celebrate the women and men who have inspired you as well.

So if there is someone that you believe should feature as a Fabulous Friday Female (or Fellow!), then send me an email (claire@feminine1st.com) with 3 simple details:

  • Who is your Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow? (Her / his name and location in the world)
  • Why is she / he a Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow to YOU? (How do you know her / him? What does she / he do? In what way is she / he inspiring?)
  • A photo or link to a picture of her / him online (if there is a reason that you would prefer not to include a photo, just let me know)

So help me to share with all of our lovely ladies the real women and men who inspire YOU.

…and remember, as always, to Stay Fabulous too!

Claire x