Are you a Girl or a Woman?

Are you a girl or a woman?When I was growing up, as I’m sure most young girls did, I aspired to me like the women I saw all around me.

I remember around the age of 7 or 8, the girls in the ‘top class’ of my primary school (you know, the ones who were aged 11) seemed so grown up. I was eager…if not desperate, to be grown up just like them.

When asked my age, I was never 6, or 7, I was 6 and a half, 7 and three quarters…those fractions of years made all the difference at that point in time…it made me seem so much more mature than those who were that huge half a year younger.

I remember at almost every stage in my life looking at women who were older than me and thinking…”wow, they’ve really got it together, they seem to have all the answers”…little did I realise that when I got to their age I would still feel like the young girl who was figuring it all out as I was going along.

Do you describe yourself as a girl or a woman?

Most of the women I know still refer to themselves (and are referred to by others) as girls.

Think about how we use the word girl… Girlfriend, out with the girls, girls night in, girly movie, the girl next-door, one of the girls.

…and in popular culture women are often referred to as girls rather than women. When doing a bit of research on this article I saw a great piece on the site that pointed out that “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a movie about a bad-ass woman, who’s still described as a girl…and also questions whether Robert Downey Jr would be keen to play “Iron Boy” in his next blockbuster.

I was also curious to find out that when it came to listing songs with the word ‘girl’ in the title, I found a list of nearly 380 online…but when it came to songs with the word ‘woman’ in the title, there weren’t even 60.

Even a superhero is more likely to be a girl than a woman!

…and Batman’s female counterpart? Batgirl. Superman’s female counterpart? Supergirl. Of course there is Wonder Woman, but she’s in a bit of a minority when it comes to female superheroes, they’re more likely to be ‘girls’ than ‘women’.

So what’s the difference between a girl and a woman?

Well, a girl is one of the facets of being a woman. Every woman on the planet has a girl inside her…but she also has many elements that a girl doesn’t yet possess. Women have access to a wisdom, a depth, an inner calm, a sexuality, a knowing of herself and others, a well developed relationship with her own intuition…elements that come from experience of life, that girls haven’t yet discovered.

So why is it that we’re so tied to the word ‘girl’? Well, it could be to do with today’s media-driven obsession with youth…but for me I don’t think that was the case.

For me personally, it never occurred to me that I was a woman. I still felt like a girl, thought like a girl…and at times acted like a girl too.

Being honest, I didn’t really even know what it meant to be a woman.

Do you need to reclaim the word woman?

In times gone past, and in some cultures around the world there are still traditional rites of passage to mark a girl’s transition into womanhood but in western cultures we seem to have lost touch with the importance of owning our identity as women.

It was during my journey to discover what femininity meant for me, I realised that a part of that journey was claiming and owning the word ‘woman’ for myself.

I was 30 years old…I was way past the dictionary definition of a girl…but I still didn’t see myself as a woman, and certainly wouldn’t use the word ‘woman’ to describe me.

The more I learned about the different facets of womanhood, the more I understood about what it meant to be a woman, the more I realised that one of the most important things for me to do was start to own the fact that I was, and am a woman.

So I began to start describing myself as a woman, rather than a girl. At first it felt a little odd…like putting on a new pair of shoes for the first time when they’ve not been broken in yet…you know they’re yours, and you love them, but it takes a little while before they become comfortable.

As time went on, I felt more and more comfortable describing myself as a woman…until one day I realised it wasn’t a description anymore…it was who I was. It was a part of my identity.

It was me.

The beauty of becoming a woman is that you don’t have to lose your ‘girl’ in the process (though some women unfortunately have).

When you step into womanhood you finally have access to and connect with all of these different elements of yourself…all of the elements of being a woman. You have access to the wise woman, the expressive sexual being, the playful girl, the nurturer, the sensual self, the peacemaker, the intuitive, the emotive feminine…and every other facet of the woman you are.

What’s better is that you also have a choice over what part (or parts) of yourself you choose to bring to any given situation. You can connect with any of these elements at any time, or any combination of them…which can be incredible powerful.

It’s also great when you understand that none of the elements of being a woman are more or less important than the others…it’s when you learn to use and balance them all that you really get to enjoy the full experience of being a woman.

So I’d like to ask you, are you a girl or a woman? Are you like I was? Do you see yourself as a girl, when you’re really a woman? Would you like to reclaim the word ‘woman’ for yourself?

I’d love for you to play with this idea this week, try testing the waters and see how it feels to describe yourself as a woman…does anything come up? How does it feel? I’d love for you to share your experiences in the comments below….

…and remember, girl or woman, to stay fabulous!

Claire x

Does Pink = Feminine?

does pink = feminineWhen I’m out and about I often hear comments about the fact that I wear a lot of pink. Most places I go, someone will smile and make a remark that I often have something pink on my person.

I also hear comments about my shoes (both colour and style) and the fact that I’m rarely seen without a pair of stilettos.

….and I’m often asked how important it is to “wear dresses”, “do my makeup” or “do my hair”.

A short while ago I wrote an article that was prompted by an email I’d received from a reader, asking whether black girls could even be feminine…and in the same email I was asked “How important is it to dress feminine?’ …I realised it’s obviously a question that people are currently asking.

What is looking feminine?

So I thought it was about time I wrote about this…and the importance of your outside appearance to ‘being feminine’.

Looking ‘feminine’ and being feminine are not the same thing.

Looking ‘feminine’ is based on an outdated idea that what you put on the outside is what matters. That wearing something designates you as feminine, or masculine….or any other label of your choice.

Let me ask you a question…. Do you think that Sylvester Stallone in a pink dress would look feminine? I doubt it very much. Because regardless of what you put on the outside, if it doesn’t affect what’s happening on the inside it’s purely superficial.

Does Pink = Feminine?

It’s widely accepted these days that pink is a colour more closely associated with girls, and blue is more closely associated with boys….but for a large number of years it was actually more popular for this to be the other way around. In 1905 Time Magazine made it clear that pink was the boys’ colour and blue was the girls’.

So does Pink = Feminine? No.

Do Dresses = Feminine? No.

Do High Heeled Shoes = Feminine? No.

Does Makeup = Feminine? No.

Do certain hairstyles = Feminine? No.

Does ANYTHING external = Feminine? No.

I can almost hear you saying, “But Claire, what about boobs? Surely they are external, and they must = Feminine?”….well, actually no, they don’t. Although the majority of women tend more to the feminine and the majority of men to the masculine, it’s not true for all of them. So it’s perfectly possible to have beautiful boobs, and still to be more masculine….so sorry, that doesn’t apply either.

So can what you wear affect how feminine you are?

So why do I wear a lot of pink? Simple – it’s one of my favourite colours. There’s nothing more to it than that (…and that when I’m somewhere associated with my business I like to wear my brand colours…the fact that they’re my favourite colours is a fabulous bonus!). It’s rare you’ll see me in baby pink…I’m a fuschia kinda girl – It’s bright, fun and has an energy about it that matches my personality.

Likewise I feel as feminine (if not maybe more so) when I’m as naked as the day I was born…though it’s not a look I tend to sport on my regular trips to London, or events I’m working at!

I have hot pink shoes, scarves, dresses, even nail colours…why? Because I like them 🙂

Does wearing pink make me more or less feminine? Not because of the colour, not at all.

But it can have an effect.

Because I love the colour, when I wear it, it lifts me. I feel more playful, fun and energetic in it than I would do in grey or brown for example.

In the same way, when I have a flowing dress on I feel great. I love the feeling of the material moving across my skin.

On the flip side, my sister hates the colour pink. If she was wearing a pink dress I can guarantee she wouldn’t be feeling more playful, fun and energetic…she’d probably be feeling irritated, annoyed and like she couldn’t get it off fast enough. So would wearing pink help her connect with her feminine? I don’t think so.

The key is, does it affect how it makes you FEEL?

Because femininity comes from a feeling…It comes from the inside out.

If it makes you FEEL more feminine, then you will naturally BE more feminine.

When you feel more feminine, you connect with aspects of the feminine. You might feel more playful, more emotionally connected, more in flow, more inspired or that you’re being more of who you really are.

So, am I the person you should model to be feminine? Only if my flavour of femininity works for you too.

I won’t ever tell you what to wear, how to do your makeup, what style to cut your hair in or what you must do in order to be feminine…because quite simply, I don’t know.

I can’t tell you what your flavour of femininity looks, sounds, or feels like…because it’s whatever makes you feel most feminine.

I can give you ideas, suggestions and guidance along the way…but ultimately it’s something that you get to discover for yourself, in the same way as I did.

Because as I’ve said before, your femininity is just that YOUR femininity. It’s as unique as you are.

Finding out what your flavour of femininity is can be a really fun journey.

…and I’m delighted I get to be a part of yours.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

“Can Black Women Even Be Feminine?”

Can black women be feminine?I love hearing from people who read the Feminine 1st blog.

…and I’ve received messages about every kind of question and topic you can imagine.  From relationships, to business, to sex, to money, to children…you name it, I’ve been asked about it at some point.

I’ve heard the intimate details of people’s lives from all over the world….I feel deeply honoured that people are so willing to share their lives, their pain and their stories with me, whether just to connect and share or whether they want my help.

So it’s not easy to surprise me…

But a couple of weeks ago I received an email that broke my heart.

It was from a reader who was new to the concepts of Femininity and was feeling a little overwhelmed and very unsupported by the people around her.

Her story was not unusual, and most of her questions I’d answered many times over to different women around the world.

…and then I saw it.

The question that stopped me in my tracks….

…“Can black women even be feminine?”

I had to read, re-read and read it again.

I couldn’t believe that there was a woman out there who was questioning her femininity because of the colour of her skin.

…and then I realised, that if one woman was thinking this…there might be many more who felt the same way.

So why would someone even ask the question?

Well, as shocking as I found it, believe it or not I actually understand it too.

As with so many misperceptions and misunderstandings that have to do with femininity, it’s stereotypes that are causing us problems.

Because so often these days, stereotypes are more like caricatures.

Why would you question whether black women can be feminine?

In the same way as when people think of the word “feminist” many think of an angry ball-buster burning her bra and yelling at any man nearby, and when many think of “feminine” they bring to mind a girly blonde with a pink dress and perfect makeup…the stereotypical “Strong Black Woman” full of attitude, is a label that doesn’t necessarily represent the reality.

Yes, there are some angry feminists marching about trying to pull a metaphorical “Lorena Bobbitt” on any man she can find, but this is not the face of the future of feminism…and yes there are some women who are girly and giggly and wear nothing but pink, but this is not the face of the future of femininity…and yes there are some black women who are full of attitude and aggression (….and something we’re seeing more and more in women of every skin colour), but this is not the face of the future of what it means to be a strong black woman either.

Just because we’ve seen something in our past doesn’t not mean that it needs to determine our future.

Yes, there are a lot of black women who display very masculine traits…but there are women from every culture around the world who do that too.  White women, Asian women, Antipodean Women…I see it everywhere I go, in every country I have visited.

We learn our behaviour from our life experiences. We learn to model the people around us, the people we admire, those who we respect and want to be like.   We see others doing things a certain way, and sometimes believe therefore that it’s the only way to do things…when in reality we can choose for ourselves.

In the same way as I learned to behave like a guy for such a large portion of my life because I thought that was how I needed to behave to get ahead, to be successful in my career and to protect myself from getting hurt…many others learn from watching the people around them how they think they need to behave too.

…and in the same way as I made a choice to let go of what I thought I had to be, to be true to myself, this choice is open to any other person at any other time, regardless of their culture, creed or colour.

So here and now I would like to set the record straight, once and for all…

Femininity has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the colour of your skin, your hair, your body shape, or your eye colour.

Femininity does not have anything to do with what’s on the outside…because as I’ve mentioned many times before, it comes from within.

So back to the original question…”Can black women even be feminine?”


Categorically Yes.

Unequivocally Yes.

Undeniably Yes.

…and in case I need to say it again, Yes.

But Claire, you’re not a black woman, how do you know?

How do I know?  Well the answer is simple.

When I started to write this article, I began by thinking of the four most beautifully open-hearted, authentic, genuine, loving, feminine women that I personally know.

One is of Mexican descent.

One is originally from Hong Kong.

One is a black woman from Holland.

…and one is a white woman from Chicago.

My feminine friendsMy feminine friends  My feminine friendsMy feminine friends


These four women could not be more different in their cultural heritage, their upbringing…and yes, their skin colour.

But they are the most shining examples of femininity in my life.

So it doesn’t matter where you’re from, what your life experience has been, what you look like, what you wear, or what language you speak.

If you are a feminine woman who is connected to your femininity, it will shine through regardless….

…and today I’m dedicating this article to every single woman on the planet, of every colour, every culture, every language, every size, every shape.  This is for you x

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Are you trying too hard to be feminine?

The harder you try to ‘be feminine’ often the more elusive femininity is, in trying so hard you can end up stepping more into your masculineOver the last few weeks we’ve been talking a lot about how you can be more feminine, and finding ways that you can connect with your femininity even more.

The funny thing about femininity though is that the harder you try to ‘be feminine’ (and therefore less masculine) often the more elusive femininity is.  Because in trying so hard to be feminine you can actually end up stepping more into your masculine.

A while ago I posted an article describing ‘what is masculinity’ which explained the nine aspects of the masculine, and I today I want to show you how ‘trying hard’ to be feminine can often have the opposite affect and can put you more into your masculine.

It’s not all about the feminine

But first I want to remind you that there is nothing wrong with your masculine traits, we all have them, we all use them and they can serve us and those around us incredibly well.

Sometimes when we learn about masculinity and femininity and we have been living in our masculine for so long we can want to get back to our natural feminine core so much that in the process of doing that we end up making our masculine elements ‘wrong’.

It’s important to remember that all our traits serve a purpose, and there are times when it will actually serve you and everyone around you best for you to be using your masculine traits more.

Just this weekend I had an experience at an event where I was leading a team and I was given approximately 3 minutes to complete a briefing that should have taken nearer 20 minutes.  For that short period of time I had to get across a lot of information as quickly and efficiently as possible…so I stepped into my masculine in order to get it done.

Afterwards I apologised to the team for being so short and direct (as it’s not a style I like to use if there is another approach that can work just as well), stepping back into my feminine again to recreate the connection, and maintain the relationship with my team members.  The team were grateful for my openness and for the apology, but they understood that it was necessary at the time and complimented me on doing a great job.

In the moment I had to get across everything quickly and efficiently it served me and the team best to be in my masculine.  When it was no longer required I was able to go back to leading from the feminine as it was more natural for me.

As always, it’s a question of finding the balance that feels most natural and serves both you and those around you as best as possible.

So how can trying hard to be more feminine make you more masculine?

By it’s very definition ‘trying hard’ is hard work.  It means that it’s taking a lot of effort, and that it’s not something that you find easy.

When something isn’t easy, and you have to try hard to make it happen, there’s an element of force involved.  In order to apply force (whether physically, mentally or emotionally) it takes tension, and can cause your body to physically contract.

As I explained in this recent video, tension in the body comes from the masculine as our bodies tense in order to do something or to protect ourselves.  Doing rather than being, and protecting through tension are both very masculine approaches.

So trying to force the feminine, can actually put us into our masculine.

Another reason that trying hard to be feminine can move women more into their masculine is when women are trying to prove that they are feminine.  They’ve begun to learn about the masculine and feminine, and they realise that they are feminine at core, or that being very masculine might be hurting them (for example in the area of relationships).  This realisation can lead to a desire to prove, to themselves and to other people, that they are or can be more feminine.

Unfortunately trying to prove comes from a more masculine place, as it relates to the masculine element of competition.  If you are trying to prove something, it’s normally to show that you are ‘more than’ the current perception.  If you’re trying to prove you’re more feminine, then it’s normally because you believe that you’re not feminine enough or you believe that someone close to you thinks that’s true.

By trying to ‘gain more’ femininity, women can find themselves dancing on the outskirts of the masculine element of competition, without even realising it.

…and sometimes the competitive element is even more prominent as women are trying to be more feminine to prove that they are more feminine than someone else.  They want to be more feminine than ‘her’ because that will make them feel good.

If you are trying hard to be feminine, then you are likely to be very focused on it, and very driven towards achieving it, doing as much as you can to get the outcome you want.  As I explained in my ‘what is masculinity?’ article, having unwavering focus and a strong drive are both very masculine qualities too.

Also, if you are focused on ‘trying hard’ to be feminine, then you are focusing on the end-result, the outcome you are looking to get to…in this case ‘more feminine’…and being end-results orientated, as we know, is a very masculine trait too.

In short, if you’re trying hard in the area of femininity, you’re probably ‘doing’ feminine rather than ‘being’ feminine…and as we’ve discussed recently, doing is more masculine, being is more feminine.

So what’s the more feminine alternative?

Well as usual, the answer is all in the approach.

You can take the exact same actions, for different reasons, with a different intention and it totally transforms the situation.

When it comes to femininity, rather than trying to be more feminine and less masculine, how about wanting to nurture your feminine instead?

When you do something out of a desire to nurture the aspect you would like more of, rather than trying to change something that you see as not being enough, you’ll be surprised at what happens.

For example, if you’re taking a dance class in order to be less masculine and more feminine, you’re ‘doing’ the dance class to get a result (i.e. you’re taking a masculine approach to it).  If, however you’re going to a dance class in order to nurture your feminine, you change the energy around it, and in turn will change your experience of the dance class.

Rather than forcing yourself to be more feminine (which is quite masculine), instead look at allowing yourself to be more feminine, which is more in tune with the feminine and therefore likely to have a greater effect, but more importantly to be more enjoyable along the way!

Let go of the need to control and let your feminine flow.

So this week, rather than trying to be more feminine try allowing it to happen and see how different the experience is.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Sun Star Goddess

How I can I feel more feminine?

How can I feel more feminine?So how can YOU feel more feminine?

So last week I shared with you the first three things to remember when it comes to femininity…who you’re doing it for, remembering to keep a balance between the feminine and the masculine, and realizing that there’s not a one-size-fits-all answer.

As I mentioned last week, femininity is something that comes from the inside out, you become more feminine by feeling more feminine. Obviously what feels more feminine is different for all of us.

If you want to be more feminine, you want to feel more feminine.

So this is where you get to have some fun, because you get to create your very own unique femininity formula…this is the combination of experiences that make you feel most feminine…and therefore bring your femininity shining out.

Now, because the combination is different for each individual woman, I can’t tell you what yours will be (that’s something that you get to enjoy discovering for yourself!) but what I can do to help you to begin is to provide a little ‘feminine buffet’ for you to choose some ideas from.

Have some fun finding your way to feel more feminine

So here is a selection of some of the things that myself, my friends, my clients and contacts around the world have in their own unique femininity formulas to inspire you. 18 ways for you to instantly feel more feminine….

Get back to Nature – Nature is a well-known way to reconnect with your feminine, but the key is to find the area of nature that resonates most with you. It might be walking along a beach, spending time in the mountains, listening to a river, wandering through a woodland area or forest, standing out in the rain, climbing trees, hiking along a country trail, the choice is yours…

Discover your animal instincts – For a lot of women, spending time with animals really brings out their feminine, whether its pet dogs, cats, hamsters or like me, going and feeding the horses down the road from where I live!

Nurture yourself – Looking after yourself and your own needs is a great way to feel more feminine, and the great news is that there are a whole range of ways you can do this! You could run a bubble bath with candles, music and a glass of wine, treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure, give yourself a facial, book an indulgent massage or simply allow yourself some R&R time, to name just a few.

Get sense-itive – Getting connected to your senses is a great way to get connected to your feminine too. With 5 senses to ignite with this is a great one to play with and get creative…and it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Just noticing the feel of the water running down your skin when you’re in the shower can be enough to make you present to your senses. One of the best ways I’ve found to engage all of your senses is cooking your favourite meal and paying particularly close attention to the way that the food looks, they way that it smells, the sounds you hear when you eat it, the feeling of the textures on your tongue and the tastes you experience. You could wear something that feels smooth or soft against your skin, eat something that will taste delicious, wear a favourite perfume, appreciate a piece of art with vibrant colours or listen to a favorite piece of music. Whatever it is that you choose to do, pay close attention to the experience of your senses, allow yourself to notice things you’d not noticed before.

Be, don’t do – Doing is a very masculine trait, whereas the feminine is more about just being. So try throwing out the to-do list every now and again, going with the flow and just allowing yourself to be. You might be surprised at how much more feminine you feel.

Let go of the need to control – With the need to control comes tension, and tension is one of the fastest ways to jump out of the feminine and straight into the masculine. So when we learn to let go of control, we often connect more to our feminine core in the process. The great thing is that control is nothing more than an illusion, as the only thing we really have the ability to control is ourselves, so let the control go, and let your feminine flow.

Get into your body – A lot of women find that something that gets them back into their body also helps get them back into their feminine. These days us women spend a lot of time in our heads, using logic, analyzing, thinking and worrying, and none of these are conducive to feeling more feminine. So something that helps us get out of our heads and into our bodies can definitely help us to connect to our feminine nature. Movement is a great way of doing this, whether through something like yoga or taking a dance class, but it can be as simple as just paying attention to a part of your body you’re not normally aware of. Taking a couple of moments to lightly move your hands over your hips, your stomach or your legs brings your attention out of your head and into your body….and often back into your feminine too.

Get into your heart – As I mentioned above, we women spend far too much time these days in our logical, intellectual, analysis-based minds, worrying, stressing and feeling overwhelmed. So as one of the key aspects of the feminine is being emotionally connected, finding a way out of your hear and into your heart can definitely help you to feel more feminine. Simply taking a moment to stop and appreciate the things that you feel grateful for, or to think about someone you love unconditionally can be your express-way back to your heart and, in turn, back to your feminine.

The good news is that there are many of these ideas to share with you, the bad news is that I could only fit nine into this week’s article!

So come back next week to hear the other nine suggestions for you to try in your unique femininity formula….

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Would you like to know how to be more feminine?

Would you like to know how to be more feminine?Quite some time ago I wrote an article defining feminine and femininity…but defining it and knowing how to be more feminine are two very different things.

One of the first questions that a lot of women ask me is quite simply, “How can I be more feminine?”

One of the challenges with answering this question is that it assumes (in asking) that you aren’t already feminine enough.

So why would you like to know how to be more feminine?

So my first response if you’re asking this question is, “Why do you want to learn how to be more feminine?”

This question tends to bring up some interesting responses….

“Well, I’m a woman, I should be more feminine”

“I want to be more feminine because I think my husband / partner / boyfriend / guy I’d like to date would like it”

“Other women are more feminine than me and I want to be more like them”

“My mother / father / sister / friend / any other person would like it if I was more feminine”

“I want to prove how much of a woman I am, by being as feminine as possible”

If you’re wanting to be more feminine because you think you ‘should’ do it…then first ask yourself the question…why should I?   Second, take a quick peek at this article to see whether it’s something you want to do or an idea that has come from someone else that doesn’t resonate with you.

If you want to know how to be more feminine for anyone else other than yourself, then the chances are it’s not because it feels right for you…it’s to make someone else happy.  Changing yourself to make someone else happy isn’t often the path to being happy yourself.

In fact, if the answer to this question is anything other than some variation of ”It’s what feels right for me”, then I’d love to have a conversation with you.

Because your femininity is exactly that.

YOUR femininity.

It’s not about anyone else, or anything else, it’s all about you.

If you feel that you would like to get more connected with your feminine side, then this is the place, and the article for you…and I’m delighted to share with you.

In learning how to be more feminine…don’t forget the masculine!

So when we’ve established that you’re doing this for yourself, your whole self and nothing but yourself, the second thing for me to remind you is that balance is essential.

It’s important to remember that neither the masculine nor the feminine is better or worse than the other.  They are equal and opposite…neither is good or bad, wrong or right, positive or negative.

We all have both masculine and feminine inside us, so it’s important not to deny either side of ourselves…but to find the balance of the two sides that is right for you.

As a woman it may be that you grew up to understand that behaving in a more masculine way would help you to be more successful, or that it’s the way you ‘should’ be, or it was the way you needed to be to protect yourself from getting hurt.

The only guide to find the balance that is right for you, is the one that feels right to you in your heart.

We all need both our masculine and our feminine…and it’s important to find the balance that feels right for us.

So what does knowing how to be more feminine look like to you?

So the final thing that I will share with you before we dive into answering the all important question of how to be more feminine, is that there isn’t a ‘one-size fits all formula’.

As much as I would love to tell you that all you need to do is X and Y followed by a little bit of Z, in order to know how to be more feminine, it doesn’t really work like that.

Because as we mentioned above, your femininity is YOUR femininity.  It’s unique to you.

…and what is the key to you connecting with your femininity?  It’s finding whatever it is that will make you FEEL more feminine.

As I’ve shared before, femininity is something that comes from the inside out.  It’s not something that you can put on, it’s not something you can ‘make happen’ and it’s not something you can ‘fake’.

True femininity shines when you’re feeling undeniably feminine inside to such an extent that it radiates out of you.  At that point other people can see it and feel it too.

So in order for you to know how to be more feminine, you need to feel more feminine.

…and in order to feel more feminine you get to create your very own unique ‘femininity formula’.

So what on earth is your unique femininity formula?!

It’s the completely unique combination of things that you can do for yourself that will make you feel most feminine.

When you find that you find your super secret, special ingredient, fabulously fast shortcut to feeling more feminine than you ever have before.

So next week I will sharing with you a few ideas for you to play with that might be a part of your unique femininity formula.

…and if you’d like some one-on-one help to discover your unique femininity formula, then drop me an email and we can set up a free “Soul Session” to get you on the path to uncovering yours:

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Do you remember to use your masculine…?

yin-yangMost of my focus in the past newsletters and blog posts have been focused on femininity and how to connect with and get into your feminine, so today I want to look at the other side of our energy.

As we know, we all have both masculine and feminine energy inside us, and in order to feel and be at our best, we need to find the balance between the two energies that is right for us…after all, each of us is unique, and so is our energy!

While it’s very important to spend the majority of our time in the energy which is most natural for us (for most women it’s feminine, and most men it’s masculine…but there are some cases where it’s the other way around) it is also important to know how and when to move into the opposite energy.

Certain situations will come up in life where it is better (for you or those around you) for you to utilise the other traits that you have inside you.

Last weekend I was crewing an event here in London (UPW) with Tony Robbins and I had an experience that demonstrated this perfectly.

UPW is a very intense event. We do a firewalk, it is highly emotional and many people come out of it having completely transformed some aspect of themselves or their lives.

On the third day of the event there is an experience for the participants that is very emotionally intense. During this experience, it is important for all of the crew to be in the room to support the participants, which means that we observe everything that’s going on.

Without giving too much away about it (because if you haven’t been to UPW, then I highly recommend going and I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise!) the experience involves the participants moving through negative and positive emotions in order to transform an area of their lives that they want to change.

During this time, the energy in the room is incredibly intense.

Having crewed this event before, I knew what to expect, and I was prepared for it, but there were a large number of crew members who were experiencing this for the first time.

I knew that during this experience I was going to need to stay very focused on the participants. It was my responsibility as a member of the crew to be there for them and support them.

I also realised that I needed to keep some focus on the members of the crew who had not been there before and who were experiencing this for the first time.

I needed to keep focused on the outcome of the experience…I know the amazing result of doing the process…so that was something that I chose to keep front of mind.

I had to be very assertive where necessary as there were situations which needed dealing with swiftly and simply for the benefit of everyone in the room.

I was highly motivated to get everyone in the room through the experience in a way that served them and their purpose.

My focus was absolutely unwavering…it was 100% where it needed to be in order to support the participants and my fellow crew members.

During this experience, the crew members buddy up…and it was my buddy’s first time crewing and therefore observing this exercise. I realised that I was very protective of my crew ‘buddy’ for the experience…and at times when she appeared to be struggling with it I stood beside her and gave her advice.

For the period of this experience, I switched from my usual ‘emotionally open’ position, to a more logical one…focusing on the outcome that we were working towards, and less on the emotional experience of the journey.

The experience went beautifully.

During it I helped a number of participants by getting them to speak to the right people, and helped my buddy when she found it tough.

A short time later, during a conversation with a friend, I realised that in order to deal with the exercise in the best way possible for both myself and the people around me, I had stepped (for that short period of time) into my masculine energy. I was using a lot of the masculine traits I had talked about in my recent post:

When the experience had finished, and the masculine energy was no longer required…I was right back in my feminine, welling up while watching the pure joy and delight on the faces of the participants and my fellow crew.

I’m so used to making the move to the masculine for short periods of time when the situation requires it, that I don’t tend to do it ‘consciously’ any more…I just move when it feels right to do so…and then back when the situation has come to an end.

But I realised that it is important to acknowledge that there are times when it’s not just preferable, it’s necessary to use your masculine energy.

…and it’s equally important to identify the time when it’s no longer required and can move back into the feminine again.

So what are the situations where you think that the masculine energy might serve you best for a short period of time?

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

What’s the fastest way to find your feminine?

Find your FeminineA question that I get asked all the time is “What is the fastest way for me to reconnect with my feminine?”

Believe me, I know how you feel.

Life these days is incredibly hectic for us women.

We have our jobs and careers to think about, we have our personal lives to juggle, we are thinking about our relationships, our health and fitness, our hobbies, our homes, our finances, our families…the list is never ending.

Our feminine tends to take a back seat

Often in order to cope with the craziness of our day-to-day lives women jump into ‘take control mode’.

Ladies Toilet SignI think that by seeing this sign around us all the time we just assume that all women wear capes and are secretly superheroes!

In going into our ‘superhero mode’ we end up taking on a number of very masculine traits, we become very analytical, driven, single-minded and focused on just ‘getting the job done’.

Finding the balance between our masculine and feminine

As we all know, we have both masculine and feminine energies inside us. Even if we’re primarily a more feminine person at our core, utilising our masculine traits when appropriate is not only helpful…but sometimes it’s necessary to deal with a given situation. It’s all about finding the right balance.

The challenge that we often have is that with all of the pressure and stress that we feel (either as a result of external situations, or more likely that we put on ourselves) we can spend more and more time in the masculine and less and less in the feminine.

This can lead to us feeling drained, unhappy and very unfulfilled.

Therefore it’s incredibly helpful to know how to quickly get back into your feminine in order to relax and feel like yourself again! 🙂

So what’s the answer?

How to find your feminine fast

The answer is that it’s different for everyone…but it’s really easy to find out what it is for you.

The quickest and easiest way to get back to your feminine is to reconnect with who you are at heart….and the quickest way to do that is to ask yourself what it was that you enjoyed doing when you were a child….say at 6 or 7 years old.

What was it at that age which made you absolutely light up from the inside?

What made you smile?

What made you laugh?

What would you do whenever you had a free second of time?

It could be absolutely anything.

For me it was dancing, singing or spending time with animals. Whenever my parents asked me what I wanted to do for the day, if there was an opportunity to feed some animals I was a very happy girl.

When we used to go for London for a day, the outing wasn’t complete without a trip to feed the pigeons in Leicester square.

I did ballet, tap, modern dancing and you couldn’t stop me from singing all over the house.

Any one of these things made me absolutely light up from the inside out.

For other people it’s different. I have one friend who used to pretend she was doing her own radio show with a little tape recorder and another who was happiest when she was swimming. It could be drawing or creating something, reading a book, listening to your favourite music….the list of possibilities is infinite.

…and when you’ve worked out what it is for you…the fastest way back to your feminine is to find a way to do it now.

Feeding the HorsesFor me, I dance salsa, I’ve joined a local ‘funky’ choir and on a regular basis I walk down to a field near my house and feed the horses that live there. If I feel like a dance, but there’s no salsa on that day, I take 10 minutes, blast my favourite tracks in my bedroom and dance like I’m a 5 year old again! 😀

…and the key is to do it until it makes you smile…until you feel that warm fuzzy feeling inside that you had when you were a child.

Voila! Back to your feminine in the blink of an eye…

…and now you know what makes you feel like this, it’s a great idea to arrange to do it on a regular basis. Put a note in your diary as a reminder, make a little time every week and take this time for you.

Because it’s far more enjoyable to find your feminine BEFORE life gets overwhelming, rather than after!

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, you might also like to check out this one about “What IS Feminine?”

masculine and strong feminine

How to know the difference between masculine and strong feminine…

masculine and strong feminineSo last week we spoke about balance and finding the balance between masculine and feminine which is right for you.

The question then is how do you identify the difference between being in your masculine, or being in a strong feminine?

Well there are a couple of key indicators to look out for.

  1. If you’re in your masculine you will tend to feel quite a bit of physical tension, especially in your stomach, chest, back and shoulders. If your muscles are contracting and you feel tension then there’s a strong probability you’re in ‘masculine mode’.
  2. If you’re in your masculine you will tend to be very focused on one specific outcome; you can almost have tunnel vision. There can also be a very strong element of competition involved. If you’re in your feminine you are still very aware of everyone and everything around you. You will feel very connected and will be in a state of peripheral vision.
  3. If you’re in a strong feminine ‘mode’, then you can still feel emotionally open (from the heart), you will also feel very centred and grounded, without feeling heavy or ‘weighed down’. The feeling of heaviness or weight can be a symptom of being in your masculine.

So what if you’ve identified that you’re in your masculine but you don’t know how to get back to the feminine again?

Here are a few very quick tips to get back into your feminine quickly:

  1. Relax – Take a moment to be conscious of your body and release any tension that you can feel. The stomach and shoulders are places to focus on, but the best approach is usually to start at your toes and work your way through relaxing each part of the body until you reach the top of your head.
  2. Re-connect to the emotional you – Take a moment to stop and think about something that you are truly grateful for, think about all of the aspects of it and allow yourself to feel the gratitude deeply.
  3. Dance – If you have the ability to take a couple of minutes, blast your favourite girly tunes and have a boogie!
  4. Laugh or smile – Find something or someone that will make you laugh or smile – it could be a video online, a person, a picture, anything. It will get you right back to who you are at your core as quick as a flash!

I would like to thank a lovely friend of mine on the other side of the world for being part of the inspiration behind today’s newsletter.

I had already selected the topic for today, but her personal situation is one which I’m sure that many other women face (in knowing how to balance the masculine and feminine elements) and it guided me to include elements that I otherwise might have left out.

Thank you…you know who you are… 😉

So enjoy, find your balance and remember to Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

when the going gets tough the tough get feminine

When the going gets tough…the tough get feminine?

when the going gets tough the tough get feminineA point, which is often raised when I’m discussing femininity, is “what happens when the unpleasant stuff hits the fan?” When things seem stacked against you and you’re really up against it, we often feel that we need step into our masculine in order to cope.

For years this was my primary coping mechanism for tough times…I didn’t believe there was any other way that would work.

As a result, when I started really focusing on and embracing my femininity, I found that difficult situations were my nemesis…

It was habit for me to toughen up and take control during these situations and initially it felt counter-intuitive to take a softer approach.

At times you may have experienced this too.

So I thought that my experience this morning might be helpful for you to hear.

It’s not always easy writing about personal experiences…especially when those experiences are challenging and painful…but if it helps you, it’s worth it.

At the moment there are some significant challenges in my life. The biggest one being that my partner has a serious but as yet undiagnosed medical condition, a condition that is getting worse. Among other things it meant that he spent most of New Year’s Eve in bed in pain rather than celebrating with me 🙁

He has been experiencing symptoms for nearly 7 months, and things are becoming more acute on a weekly, if not daily, basis. This morning it was bad again…and I felt completely overwhelmed.

I needed to talk to my partner about the things that were on my mind.

In my former life this is the point at which I would have stepped, both feet first, into my masculine and tried to take control of everything. I would have been forceful about the way I thought things should be done and I’m sure I would have come across as being dominant or critical.

However since reconnecting with my feminine, I have discovered a different approach.

Today I didn’t hold back and I didn’t push either.

I just let myself explain the way I was feeling, why I was feeling it and what I needed.

I was completely vulnerable, and shed more than a few tears.

It was one of those moments where we could both see the massive difference that this new approach is having in our lives.

Where previously there would have been a battleground, the lines of communication were now open and free flowing.

Instead of feeling criticised, my partner was able to see me and understand how I was feeling.

We didn’t shout. We didn’t battle. We were able to talk about it openly.

We were on the same side.

I poured my heart out, and with a relatively quick, open conversation we were able to find a solution to the immediate problems.

More importantly I gave him the information he needed (and the space) to step forward and help me through a time where I was feeling overwhelmed.

A short while later I was back to work, with a smile on my face and a sense that everything was on track and manageable again.

Sometimes, even when you don’t think something will work, it’s worth giving it a go.

You’ve no idea the difference it could make…

Stay fabulous,

Claire x