Do you really know your value as a woman?

Know your worth know your valueA few weeks ago I was speaking with a potential client who didn’t have the finances to work with me one-on-one, but REALLY wanted to work with me.

…and I mean REALLY wanted to work with me.

I could help her with what was a very challenging situation…she knew it and I knew it…and she desperately wanted the guidance and insights I could offer.

We spent quite some time speaking about her situation and what help and support I could provide, but the reality was she didn’t have the funds to be able to invest there and then.

A part of me felt terrible.

Here was this woman who I knew could help, who knew she needed my help and who without my help would probably struggle for a long time to come.

What was amazing was that during the conversation she said two things that set off lightbulbs in my mind.

She said that she really appreciated the value that I provide people and therefore the investment for working with me.

Then came the first lightbulb moment.

What a difference it makes to everyone when you know your value

“Claire, if you didn’t require a decent investment, people wouldn’t put a value on what you provide them and therefore they wouldn’t get any value out of it themselves”

(I’ll share the second lightbulb moment she gave me with you a little later on)

I suddenly realised that she was right.

I’d seen it in myself so many times in the past.

A friend had leant me a product for free that usually cost thousands and thousands of pounds….and it sat on the shelf because I didn’t put a high value on it…because I got it for nothing.

…and yet something that was less useful and less valuable, because I’d invested in it myself, I’d squeezed every drop out of it that I could…because I wanted to get as much value as I could.

The funny thing is that value doesn’t just mean money.

Do you know your value in relationships?

One of the most valuable things we have is time…you can always make more money, but you can’t make more time.

We add value to other people’s lives with the time we spend with them, the energy we bring to them, the advice we share, the attention when we listen to them….the ways in which we contribute, bring our value and our gifts are endless.

…and other people can bring value to our lives in return in the same huge variety of ways.

But as women we often forget our value.

We forget that just ‘being there’ for someone is of huge value.

You see, in life whenever we have an interaction with another person there is an exchange….and in order for the interactions to be fulfilling to both people there needs to be a fair exchange.

Now fair exchange doesn’t mean that we’re exchanging the same thing, or even that we’re exchanging at the same time…but there does need to be a balance of giving and receiving in order for us to feel mutually fulfilled.

So what are some examples of fair exchange?

Being there and listening to a friend when she’s having challenges, knowing she has done the same for you in the past or will do in the future. It’s not necessarily at the same time, but it will go both ways eventually.

Doing something for someone else, that makes you feel good yourself in the process of doing it. If you get ‘filled up’ by doing something nice for someone else, then you are still getting to receive as well as give…even if it’s not something that the other person is even aware of.

Giving your time to help a friend out with moving, and them giving you appreciation in return, so you feel your time and effort has been valued.

We all have our own internal barometer as to what we believe is ‘fair’ when it comes to ‘fair exchange’. Some people feel that a simple “Thank you” is all they would like in return for helping out a friend…other people would want more.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to ‘fair exchange’…but in order for it to be a fair exchange both people need to FEEL that it is in balance.

For example, have you ever had a friend where you’ve felt like all you do is give, but you never get back in return?

Where you only talk about their problems, or that they are always asking you for help, or that they never seem to be there for you when you need them?

Situations like this can make us feel drained.

We can end up feeling used, emotional, and that we just want to retreat from the other person.

These situations can damage and destroy friendships, relationships and family bonds…because we end up choosing to avoid or ignore the person rather than deal with the imbalance.

…and the chances are they aren’t even aware of the imbalance or the upset that it’s causing you, so they feel hurt and rejected because they don’t even realise that there’s a problem.

So what’s the answer?

Know your value

The answer is simply to know your value and to request what you want and need in return for the value you bring, by gently and firmly establishing your boundaries.

So as an example, when dealing with a friend who is always talking about her own problems but doesn’t seem to be interested in helping you with yours, simply say to them “I love being able to help you with the challenges you’ve got, and I really would like your help with the ones that I’m dealing with too. So how about we spend half an hour on your stuff and then half an hour on mine?”

It can be difficult at the beginning to start doing this if you’ve established a pattern with someone over a period of time, but the key is to be clear about what you want, and consistent. If you continue to ask for what you want and need, in a gentle but firm way, over time you will be able to redress the balance.

…and it’s important to recognise that some people might not have the capacity to give you what you want and need in return, for whatever reason.

At that point you can make a choice over if and how you wish to continue the relationship, knowing that you’re powerfully choosing whichever path is right for you knowing what the consequences of that will be. Either choosing to maintain the relationship knowing it doesn’t meet your needs, and finding a way to have that work for you, or choosing to reduce or end the relationship in order to not compromise your value.

So what was the second lightbulb moment when speaking with my potential client?

Then second thing she said was that she wished there was a way for her to begin to work with me for a smaller investment so that she could at least start her journey and then work her way up to the one-on-one so that she was making progress in the meantime.

This was the point at which I decided to create the Feminine 1st Family. An opportunity you to be able to begin working with me without needing to jump right into a full one-to-one package, and also putting the value for both of us onto the video content I share every week.

So why did I do this?

Because it serves us both.

By bringing value into Feminine 1st for the video content we’re sharing it sustains our business so we can continue to provide information and value to you in the future.

…and for you it puts the value on the video content that is shared so that you get as much value out of it as possible, and also provides a way in to work more closely with me without needing to jump into a complete coaching or mentoring package straight away!

…and solutions that serve everyone are the ones that I like the best 🙂

The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on Saturday and therefore if you would like to continue to receive the new weekly videos (and even to request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer.

For June only there is an introductory special offer, which I would like to offer you today: Click here for all the details

…and this week I invite you to recognise and request your value, in every situation.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

How do you achieve your goals in a feminine way?

Feminine woman goal setting intentionIt’s that time of year when everyone, including us feminine women, is looking with anticipation to the year ahead, setting goals, making plans, focusing.

We want to make sure we hit our targets, achieve our outcomes, and create the success that we want for ourselves in the year ahead.

The only challenge that we have with this is that, as we know, being very focused and goal-orientated are very masculine traits.

So how do we, as feminine women, still achieve our goals?

Just because you’re feminine doesn’t automatically mean that you don’t have any goals or outcomes that you’re looking to achieve, so how do we go about getting them without stepping completely into our masculine?

Well the first word to remember here is balance.

Just because you’re a feminine woman, doesn’t mean that you have to avoid your masculine. As we know, we all have both masculine and feminine inside us, and we have them both for a reason…

…to use them both.

The key to this is remembering to utilise the masculine for short periods of time and when it serves you and those around you best.

So there are plenty of opportunities when creating goals and plans to use your masculine for short periods of time to make the most of the process.

As a feminine woman, I find that having a masculine structure for what I’m working to achieve that I can then use the best of my feminine creativity and flow inside provides a great balance.

For my working week I have blocks of time dedicated to different areas of my work life to make sure that I get to everything, but within those blocks of time I allow myself to allow my feminine traits to lead the way using my creativity and intuition and go with what feels like the best use of the time in that area.

But using the masculine is not the only approach to achieving the things you would like in 2013.

So, what is the feminine approach to having what you want in 2013?

We all know how the masculine approach works. You set a goal, set a deadline and then work the steps backwards so that you know what you need to do when in order to reach your target.

But what is the feminine approach?

To achieve things the feminine way involves moving away from setting goals, and towards setting intentions.

So what’s the difference between a masculine goal and a feminine intention?

When we set a goal, it’s not just about the end result, there’s a process to it. As I mentioned above, we don’t just set the goal, we also create the step-by-step plan for how you’ll get there.

Very little is left to chance, there isn’t much room to maneuver, you know each milestone that you need to hit along the way to end up at the finish line.

The main difference between a goal and an intention is that with an intention you don’t figure out the how. Rather than working out every little detail along the way, you let go of any attachment to how it will happen, and just focus on the fact that you know it will.

You see, when we get focused on the how, we often limit the ways in which we can reach our outcomes. While taking the masculine approach can work, if you are rigid about how it needs to happen, often you might not notice another potential option that could be better or quicker.

When we let go of the ‘how’ we open ourselves up to any and every option that could get us to our intended destination.

The other thing with an intention is that, you get emotionally associated to it.

…Why do you want it? Why is it important to you? How will you feel when you get it?

These emotions become the fuel that keeps you going along your path to reach the intended outcome.

The thing with intentions is that they are all about B.E.L.I.E.F:

  • Be Specific – Set a very specific intention…what specifically do you want, and by when?
  • Emotionally Associate – Get emotional about it…how will you feel about it when it happens? Allow yourself to feel that now.
  • Let Go – Give up your perception of control and release any attachment to how it will happen…if you focus on one particular ‘how’ you could cut off other paths.
  • Ignite your Belief – Believe in it. Whole-heartedly and completely…see it happening, know it will happen. See it as ‘already done’, and don’t leave any room for the possibility that it might not happen.
  • Energise – Create some great energy around it…by looking after yourself. This is a time to focus on self-care, having fun, enjoying yourself…commit to doing one thing that would do this for you.
  • Facilitate receiving – Give yourself permission to receive what you’re setting the intention for…allow it into your life.

There are also three very important guidelines to setting intentions. You will always either:

  • Get what you want
  • Get what you need
  • Or something better

Does this mean that with an intention that you don’t work towards it?!

Of course not! You work just as hard, but rather than having the path mapped out along the way, when it comes to working out the next step, you can look at the options that are available and follow your instincts as to which is the right one for you.

The key to creating the success that you want in 2013 is to find the balance that’s right for you…a little bit of masculine goal setting and structure with a good dose of feminine intention setting is the path that’s right for me.

So what’s the balance that’s right for you as a feminine woman?

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Could belief be the difference that turns your dreams into a reality…?

I believeMost of us have heard about the secret, the law of attraction or some other variant of the power of intention…but it wasn’t until I got to California that I started to realise how powerful setting a strong, specific intention and having complete belief in it becoming a reality could be.

My main reason for coming out to California was to attend a seminar in San Diego about leadership and techniques for helping people to transform their lives.

As this is the main focus of my business (and as I’m always looking to learn and develop my skills further) it seemed like the perfect event for me to attend.

Little did I know the affect that it would have on me personally and my life.

The last 9 months have been a bit of a challenge for me. When me and my ex-boyfriend parted ways in February of this year, it was a little more than a broken heart that I was left to deal with.

You see, when I started my company late last year, it was with a lot of help and guidance from him. He was my technical support and he was also providing me with a lot of business strategies too.

My area of expertise was my content. I know my stuff when it comes to the areas of femininity, masculinity and polarity, and my clients consistently experience significant life changing transformations when they work with me. I’m able to help people really get back to who they are at their core and work out how to live their lives in a way that is consistent with who they really are…and in a way that will help their relationships reach new and deeper levels.

But when it comes to running a business, the content is only half the story.

So I’ve been learning a lot since the beginning of the year, but I am very conscious that I am keen to learn more…after all I owe it to myself, to my clients and to my potential clients to ensure that Feminine 1st is the best business it possibly can be.

So I arrive at Leadership Academy all set to gain more skills and techniques to benefit my clients.

…or so I thought.

Then on day 2 of the event they tell us about an event that is available to help you hone and sharpen all of your business skills and strategies.

…an event that would benefit me greatly…but one that (for now at least) was out of my price range.

I’m not sure quite what came over me, but I think that the overwhelm of taking on the business single handed and learning everything so rapidly finally caught up with me…and I burst into tears.

I recognised that some help in reaching my business goals would mean so much to me, and the people who I’m serving…and yet it seemed out of reach for this particular moment in time.

…at this point four key lessons from my time at the leadership event came into play:

  1. Let go of the need to look good / perfect / like you know it all
  2. Let go of the need to be right / have all the answers
  3. Ask for help
  4. Be open to receiving help

So later that day I ended up sharing my experience with a few of the people at the event, being completely and totally open about my sense of overwhelm and just allowing myself to be truthful about it.

The following day I decided that I was going to go to this business focused event. I didn’t know how, I just knew that I was going to get there.

I had absolute and complete belief.

So my mind started wondering how I was going to get there…and I came to the conclusion that the only option was for me to win a ticket to get there.

During the event I was attending there were various opportunities for you to win a ticket to another event (for any TR family out there…you know the wheel!) and so I believed this was my likely route.

So every time one of these opportunities came along, I stood resolutely willing for my name to be drawn…but it didn’t happen.

Then during one of the lunch breaks…something remarkable happened.

The person who I had shared my sense of overwhelm with the day before came up to me and told me that they had exciting news.

They told me that they wanted to help me in getting to the business event that I wanted to attend. That knowing how skilled I am in what I do I could pay off half the amount by helping out their staff with my area of expertise in terms of relationship building and leadership…and the other half I could pay off over the course of the next 12 months. In addition they offered to provide me with business coaching to ensure that I could easily make the profit required for that…and more.

…and in return I could help them with coaching on polarity and presence.

It was a win-win-win.

I was stunned.

In only a matter of hours since I set the intention that I was going to attend this event it was happening. I was registered and good to go.

…not only that, but since this incredible experience I have been testing my theory on intention and belief with remarkable results.

My trip around California has been sprinkled with all sorts of amazing gifts that have come as a result of setting the intention, and having the belief.

So what did I learn from all of this?

Well, the answer to that is simple. There are 6 steps to this process, and it’s all about B.E.L.I.E.F:

  • Be Specific – Set a very specific intention…what specifically do you want, and by when?
  • Emotionally Associate – Get emotional about it…how will you feel about it when it happens? Allow yourself to feel that now.
  • Let Go – Give up your perception of control and release any attachment to how it will happen…if you focus on one particular ‘how’ you could cut off other paths.
  • Ignite your Belief – Believe in it. Whole-heartedly and completely…see it happening, know it will happen. See it as ‘already done’, and don’t leave any room for the possibility that it might not happen.
  • Energise – Create some great energy around it…by looking after yourself. This is a time to focus on self-care, having fun, enjoying yourself…commit to doing one thing that would do this for you.
  • Facilitate receiving – Give yourself permission to receive what you’re setting the intention for…allow it into your life.

There are also three very important guidelines to this process. You will always either:

  • Get what you want
  • Get what you need
  • Or something better

It might not seem like it at the time, but if you stick with it, if you don’t seem to be getting what you want, it might be that there is something else out there that you hadn’t even thought about.

While I’ve been on this magical mystery tour of California I’ve used this method on countless occasions and it is working beautifully.

So…if you were going to set an intention this week, what would it be…? It could be as simple as a car parking space in a convenient location when you’re going to the shops…
…but whatever you try it with, big or small, it’s really worth giving it a go…

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Can feminine women ‘bring home the bacon’?

Women and MoneyI love that my readers inspire me so much.

Today’s post is written in direct response to a message that I was sent in the last couple of weeks from someone who is a single mum. Being a single mum, she is struggling a bit with the concept of femininity, especially in relation to being the sole breadwinner in her household.

Now, the single mum topic is a whole separate conversation (and one that I will talk about another day)…but the question of whether it is possible for a feminine woman to also be a breadwinner is one which comes up quite regularly.

When people think about the stereotypes of a masculine man and a feminine woman, they often picture a large guy (often with pecs to die for and a washboard stomach!) bringing home the bacon and ‘looking after his woman’….and they imagine the feminine woman as the one who looks beautiful, keeps a nice home and has the dinner on the table when he gets home from a long day at the office.

The trouble with this picture is that stereotypes are just that, stereotypes… they’re not reflective of the reality these days.

Over the last 50-70 years men and women’s traditional roles have been turned upside down. Women are now not just able, but expected to go out and earn a living just as much as the men are…so how does this fit with our feminine nature?

Well if we take the masculine approach to breadwinning, then it’s understandable to see why it could be jarring.

If we take the view that we are trying to prove ourselves, then it won’t serve our feminine nature.

If it is purely about asserting ourselves forward, then it’s not coming from a feminine place.

If we are trying to show that we are independent and can do it all on our own then our feminine isn’t in play.

If we are competing, either with ourselves, our partners, or anyone else around us, then this isn’t a feminine approach.

If we are focused only on the outcome…the results…the money…then we’re not operating in a feminine way.

But this isn’t the only approach to earning a living that there is. There is another way…

What if you looked at earning a living as a way of nurturing your family and being able to give them what they need to grow and develop to their full potential?

What if you chose to earn a living from a heart-space…making it about showing your love for the people that you care about most by providing the financial support they might need?

What if you earned from a place of flow, from giving of your time and effort and receiving value in return…rather than forcing it?

What if you looked at earning a living as a by-product of living your purpose?

What if you earned as a result of doing a job or career that supports your own personal growth and development…because every situation is an opportunity to grow…?

What if you earned in order to contribute, to yourself, to your family, to those you love…?

How about seeing earning a living as a way of supporting yourself and your family…?

When we open ourselves up to the idea that there is a feminine approach to ANYTHING that we do in our lives, including earning a living, it opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

As with anything in life, our intention is crucial. Which place are we operating from…our head or our heart?

It’s worth noting here that if you are in a relationship with a man who is masculine at core, he may not feel 100% comfortable if you are earning more than he is. He may not feel this at a conscious level….he may not be aware of it at all…but it is something that could creep in.

If this is the case, it’s important for you to be aware of (and to demonstrate that you are aware of) two things. The masculine man has the need to provide built in…but money is not the only way that a man can provide to his woman and his family. There are a whole multitude of ways in which he can provide for you…and by requesting these from him (rather than complaining about what you aren’t getting) he will be able to easily identify what they are for you.

The second is that he must still feel needed, appreciated and admired. If you ensure that your man feels these from you, the impact of any imbalance of earnings will be greatly reduced.

When we take a heart-centered approach, connect to our feminine nature and act from that place it changes the experience completely. For us, for family, for our colleagues…for everyone around us.

Not only that, but we can inspire other women around us to see that there is another way to approach their careers…one which serves them and the people they love in the best way possible.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

The Feminine Way to Business Success – The Complete Collection!

As you know, recently I took part in the 30 day YouTube business challenge, where I recorded 30 (…well actually it ended up as 32!) videos showcasing hints and tips on “The Feminine Way to Business Success”.

Since the challenge ended I’ve had lots of people contact me to say that they loved the videos, but they missed one or two of them along the way, and is there somewhere that they can find all of them in the one place?

So…here we are! I’ve created a playlist with all 32 videos on “The Feminine Way to Business Success” for you to catch up and skip through in order to find any you might have missed, or that you might find particularly useful 🙂

So, which has been YOUR favourite video from the YouTube Challenge?

Also, tonight will be my first live online radio interview on “The Waking Passions” radio show, where I’ll be sharing about “Clearing your masks and finding the true feminine you”

Where: http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=118494&cmd=tc

When: Wednesday 7th March 2012 – 10PM GMT / 5PM EST / 4PM CST / 3PM MST / 2PM PST / Thursday 8th March – 9am  EDT.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x