How many times a day / week / month do you say this sentence, or a variation of it?
It’ll be alright.
We spend our lives telling everyone else that we don’t need any help, assistance, guidance or support.
Often, when someone offers to help, the words of dismissal leave our lips almost before the suggestion has been made in full.
It seems that we are so used to proving to both ourselves and everyone else around us that “we can do it” and “we can cope” that we don’t even stop to consider the offer.
I feel we are so good at giving out and helping others…but not so great on the receiving front.
Well, the downside to that is that even the deepest of wells have a bottom at some point…and if you keep taking out, without putting back in, eventually it will be empty.
Us women are exactly like this. We give out, and out, and out, and out…but we forget that in order to have something left to give, we need to remember to replenish.
Receiving is a vital part of maintaining our feminine core…if we receive, we can continue to give.
Many years ago, I was the personification of the phrase “independent woman”. If something needed to be done, I could do it, I could handle it. There was nothing I couldn’t manage.
I would offer to help everyone else…with pretty much anything…but I didn’t like accepting help.
I didn’t want to put anyone out, or inconvenience anyone. I could do it….regardless of the fact that it might take me twice as long, or three times as much hassle.
When someone reminded me of two things:
If I kept giving out constantly…and never received…sooner or later there would be nothing left to give.
By not receiving myself, I was denying other people the pleasure of being able to give. Helping or doing something nice for someone else can really make your day…who was I to deny someone else that great feeling?
It was a major wakeup call.
I was chatting to a friend last week who was organising an event and having trouble finding a venue. When someone offered to help, her instinct was to say “No, don’t worry about it, I’ll manage”…when instead she found herself saying “actually, that would be great”.
Those 5 words saved her stress, hassle and extra workload which (given everything else that needed to be done) made a HUGE difference to her week.
The venue was sorted, and she didn’t have to worry about a thing…and the person who helped got to feel great about helping out someone they cared about.
It was a win-win situation…which wouldn’t have existed if she had insisted on proving that she could do it herself.
So the next time someone offers you help I’d like to ask you to be a S.T.A.R.
Stop – Stop first before saying anything. Be sure to respond to the offer they are giving you, not react to the fact that someone is trying to help.
Think – Think about what they are offering you. Would it help you? Will they feel good for being able to do it? Could you suggest a compromise which would work for you both?
Acknowledge – Acknowledge what they have said and thank them for their offer.
Receive – Receive the offer graciously.
If we all learned how to be stars…think how sparkly life would be! 😉