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10 simple rules for being your own best friend

Self HugOn Monday we talked about how important it is to be your own best friend.  So the question now is…how do you do that?

Well, to make it easy for you I’ve created 10 simple rules to follow in order to make yourself your bestist friend ever!

  1. Look for what you LOVE – As women, we have a very bad habit of focusing on our flaws.  In the mirror our eyes often go to the things we wish we could minimise, reduce or change, which means that this is what we’re focusing on when we look at ourselves.  If you were to actively look for the things that you love about yourself, how would this change how you feel about yourself?
  2. Accept yourself as you are – Our best friends don’t try to change us…they love us just as we are…warts and all.  Accept that you’re not perfect, and LOVE that about yourself.  Your imperfections are often what make you interesting.  If we were all the same, identical, ‘perfect’ – how boring would that be?  Love your imperfections…they are what make you unique…they are what make you who you are.
  3. Make time for yourself – As women we spend a lot of time thinking about everyone else, and their needs.  But in order to be your own best friend, you need to make time and space in your life that is just about you.  So make sure you make time every week, and if possible every day, which is yours to do with exactly as you want.
  4. Do things you love – When you take time for you, spend it doing things that you love.  When you do things that you love, it feeds your soul.  It lights you up from the inside out.  So as well as doing things that you enjoy now….think about the things that you loved to do when you were a child.  Did you like going to the beach and jumping the waves?  Did you like spending time with animals? Did you like to dance?  When you get back to doing what you loved as a child it will bring a sparkle to you like nothing else.
  5. Talk yourself up – I’m not talking about telling the world about how great you are here…I’m talking about telling yourself! 🙂 Our ‘self talk’ (the things we say to ourselves, whether that is out loud or just in our own minds) has a HUGE impact on how we feel.  What’s scary is that we’re so used to our self-talk that it’s easy to forget that it’s even there….but that doesn’t stop it affecting us.  So the first step is to be conscious of what you’re saying to yourself, and how.  The second is to realise when your self-talk isn’t serving you, and the third is to adjust what you’re saying to what you would say to your best friend in the same situation.  Tell yourself how great you’re doing, recognise the good in yourself and celebrate the person that you are.
  6. Remember your achievements – As women we’re very good at recognising when we believe we should have done something differently.  We are continually picking up things that should have been done faster, better, bigger.  But in order to be our own best friend, we need to recognise, remember and celebrate our achievements.  When you have accomplished something, no matter how big or small, focus on what you HAVE done…not what you haven’t. So when you complete something, achieve something or do something, take a moment to stop and recognise it.  Give yourself permission to feel good about it, and make the most of that moment.
  7. Be kind to yourself – As women we can often be our biggest critic rather than our number 1 fan.  The most important thing to remember and to keep front of mind is to always be kind to yourself.  Stop expecting perfection.  Give yourself a break. Show yourself compassion.  Show yourself love.
  8. Become your biggest cheerleader – Encourage yourself in the things that you want to do in life.  Cheer yourself on mentally.  Think about what you would say to a dear friend if they were shooting for something special.  Encourage yourself to shoot for the stars, to go for your dreams, and cheer yourself on along the way!  At the end of each day think of 3 things you’ve done well and congratulate yourself on them 🙂
  9. Look after your needs – Do you know what your needs are?  Are you making sure that they are met?  Do you need relaxation?  Do you need an injection of passion?  Do you need peace and quiet?  Do you need fun and excitement? Do you need security?  Do you want some variety?  Work out what your needs are…and make sure that they’re being met.
  10. Don’t let anyone else talk badly about your best friend – Would you let anyone speak badly about your best friend?  Of course not!  So if anyone says something about you that you don’t agree with, politely correct them.  You don’t have to be rude, or confrontational, just be calm and polite and suggest an alternative way to view the situation.

So there you have it, 10 simple and easy rules for being your own best friend.

What are YOU going to do differently to befriend yourself and make yourself the bestist friend you could imagine?

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

How important it is to be your own best friend…?

Best friends are amazing.

They are your biggest cheerleaders.

They will tell you if you’ve got lipstick on your teeth.

They will be there to support you if your heart gets broken.

They know instinctively whether the situation at hand requires a bar of chocolate, a large glass of wine or a trip to the nearest shoe store.

They immediately provide you with either a bar of chocolate, a large glass of wine or a trip to the nearest shoe store…or all of the above.

You know that they ALWAYS have your back.

You know that you can call them anytime.

You know that they will know exactly what to say.

They always have your best interests at heart.

Every woman should have someone like this in her life.

I am truly blessed, because I have several incredible women in my life who tick most, if not all of these boxes.

I am also lucky enough to have a couple of women around me who tick all of these boxes and so many more as well…and one very special woman who is as close as you can get to family without blood ties.

We all know how to be this kind of friend.

Most of us ARE this kind of friend to at least one other person.

We know what support another woman needs.

We know how to read their words and body language.

We can tell if they need a hug or to vent…or a combination of the two.

We listen when they need to talk.

We encourage them.

We support them.

We cheer them on.

We give them hugs.

We laugh with them.

We cry with them.

We share their highs…and their lows.

We like to make them laugh.

We want to see them happy.

We love them unconditionally.

We know how to do be this kind of friend…and we know how much it means to have someone in your life that will do this for us.

But the question I want to ask you is…are you this kind of friend to yourself?

Because you spend more time with yourself than you do with any other person on the planet (no matter how close your friendship is!)

You hear your own words more than anyone else.

So what words do you use about yourself?

Are you your biggest cheerleader? …or your biggest critic?

In my experience, more women fall into the second category than the first.

How often do you say things like this to yourself?

“I really shouldn’t have done that”

“I need to lose weight”

“That was stupid”

“I should have done more…”

“I should have done that quicker”

“I really don’t like my legs / bum / stomach etc”

“I feel fat today”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“I can’t do that?”

You can have the best friend in the world who spends a few hours a week telling you how great you are….but if you spend the rest of the time criticizing yourself…which do you think will have the biggest impact?

So I would like to invite you to choose to become your own best friend, from this point forward. There’s no better time to start.

I love me

That way, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, you’ll always have your best friend there cheering you on.

Come back on Wednesday to discover the 10 rules for being your own best friend…you won’t want to miss it!

Stay fabulous,

Claire x