A few weeks ago I was speaking with a potential client who didn’t have the finances to work with me one-on-one, but REALLY wanted to work with me.
…and I mean REALLY wanted to work with me.
I could help her with what was a very challenging situation…she knew it and I knew it…and she desperately wanted the guidance and insights I could offer.
We spent quite some time speaking about her situation and what help and support I could provide, but the reality was she didn’t have the funds to be able to invest there and then.
A part of me felt terrible.
Here was this woman who I knew could help, who knew she needed my help and who without my help would probably struggle for a long time to come.
What was amazing was that during the conversation she said two things that set off lightbulbs in my mind.
She said that she really appreciated the value that I provide people and therefore the investment for working with me.
Then came the first lightbulb moment.
What a difference it makes to everyone when you know your value
“Claire, if you didn’t require a decent investment, people wouldn’t put a value on what you provide them and therefore they wouldn’t get any value out of it themselves”
(I’ll share the second lightbulb moment she gave me with you a little later on)
I suddenly realised that she was right.
I’d seen it in myself so many times in the past.
A friend had leant me a product for free that usually cost thousands and thousands of pounds….and it sat on the shelf because I didn’t put a high value on it…because I got it for nothing.
…and yet something that was less useful and less valuable, because I’d invested in it myself, I’d squeezed every drop out of it that I could…because I wanted to get as much value as I could.
The funny thing is that value doesn’t just mean money.
Do you know your value in relationships?
One of the most valuable things we have is time…you can always make more money, but you can’t make more time.
We add value to other people’s lives with the time we spend with them, the energy we bring to them, the advice we share, the attention when we listen to them….the ways in which we contribute, bring our value and our gifts are endless.
…and other people can bring value to our lives in return in the same huge variety of ways.
But as women we often forget our value.
We forget that just ‘being there’ for someone is of huge value.
You see, in life whenever we have an interaction with another person there is an exchange….and in order for the interactions to be fulfilling to both people there needs to be a fair exchange.
Now fair exchange doesn’t mean that we’re exchanging the same thing, or even that we’re exchanging at the same time…but there does need to be a balance of giving and receiving in order for us to feel mutually fulfilled.
So what are some examples of fair exchange?
Being there and listening to a friend when she’s having challenges, knowing she has done the same for you in the past or will do in the future. It’s not necessarily at the same time, but it will go both ways eventually.
Doing something for someone else, that makes you feel good yourself in the process of doing it. If you get ‘filled up’ by doing something nice for someone else, then you are still getting to receive as well as give…even if it’s not something that the other person is even aware of.
Giving your time to help a friend out with moving, and them giving you appreciation in return, so you feel your time and effort has been valued.
We all have our own internal barometer as to what we believe is ‘fair’ when it comes to ‘fair exchange’. Some people feel that a simple “Thank you” is all they would like in return for helping out a friend…other people would want more.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to ‘fair exchange’…but in order for it to be a fair exchange both people need to FEEL that it is in balance.
For example, have you ever had a friend where you’ve felt like all you do is give, but you never get back in return?
Where you only talk about their problems, or that they are always asking you for help, or that they never seem to be there for you when you need them?
Situations like this can make us feel drained.
We can end up feeling used, emotional, and that we just want to retreat from the other person.
These situations can damage and destroy friendships, relationships and family bonds…because we end up choosing to avoid or ignore the person rather than deal with the imbalance.
…and the chances are they aren’t even aware of the imbalance or the upset that it’s causing you, so they feel hurt and rejected because they don’t even realise that there’s a problem.
So what’s the answer?
Know your value
The answer is simply to know your value and to request what you want and need in return for the value you bring, by gently and firmly establishing your boundaries.
So as an example, when dealing with a friend who is always talking about her own problems but doesn’t seem to be interested in helping you with yours, simply say to them “I love being able to help you with the challenges you’ve got, and I really would like your help with the ones that I’m dealing with too. So how about we spend half an hour on your stuff and then half an hour on mine?”
It can be difficult at the beginning to start doing this if you’ve established a pattern with someone over a period of time, but the key is to be clear about what you want, and consistent. If you continue to ask for what you want and need, in a gentle but firm way, over time you will be able to redress the balance.
…and it’s important to recognise that some people might not have the capacity to give you what you want and need in return, for whatever reason.
At that point you can make a choice over if and how you wish to continue the relationship, knowing that you’re powerfully choosing whichever path is right for you knowing what the consequences of that will be. Either choosing to maintain the relationship knowing it doesn’t meet your needs, and finding a way to have that work for you, or choosing to reduce or end the relationship in order to not compromise your value.
So what was the second lightbulb moment when speaking with my potential client?
Then second thing she said was that she wished there was a way for her to begin to work with me for a smaller investment so that she could at least start her journey and then work her way up to the one-on-one so that she was making progress in the meantime.
This was the point at which I decided to create the Feminine 1st Family. An opportunity you to be able to begin working with me without needing to jump right into a full one-to-one package, and also putting the value for both of us onto the video content I share every week.
So why did I do this?
Because it serves us both.
By bringing value into Feminine 1st for the video content we’re sharing it sustains our business so we can continue to provide information and value to you in the future.
…and for you it puts the value on the video content that is shared so that you get as much value out of it as possible, and also provides a way in to work more closely with me without needing to jump into a complete coaching or mentoring package straight away!
…and solutions that serve everyone are the ones that I like the best 🙂
The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on Saturday and therefore if you would like to continue to receive the new weekly videos (and even to request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer.
For June only there is an introductory special offer, which I would like to offer you today: Click here for all the details
…and this week I invite you to recognise and request your value, in every situation.