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Do you really know your value as a woman?

Know your worth know your valueA few weeks ago I was speaking with a potential client who didn’t have the finances to work with me one-on-one, but REALLY wanted to work with me.

…and I mean REALLY wanted to work with me.

I could help her with what was a very challenging situation…she knew it and I knew it…and she desperately wanted the guidance and insights I could offer.

We spent quite some time speaking about her situation and what help and support I could provide, but the reality was she didn’t have the funds to be able to invest there and then.

A part of me felt terrible.

Here was this woman who I knew could help, who knew she needed my help and who without my help would probably struggle for a long time to come.

What was amazing was that during the conversation she said two things that set off lightbulbs in my mind.

She said that she really appreciated the value that I provide people and therefore the investment for working with me.

Then came the first lightbulb moment.

What a difference it makes to everyone when you know your value

“Claire, if you didn’t require a decent investment, people wouldn’t put a value on what you provide them and therefore they wouldn’t get any value out of it themselves”

(I’ll share the second lightbulb moment she gave me with you a little later on)

I suddenly realised that she was right.

I’d seen it in myself so many times in the past.

A friend had leant me a product for free that usually cost thousands and thousands of pounds….and it sat on the shelf because I didn’t put a high value on it…because I got it for nothing.

…and yet something that was less useful and less valuable, because I’d invested in it myself, I’d squeezed every drop out of it that I could…because I wanted to get as much value as I could.

The funny thing is that value doesn’t just mean money.

Do you know your value in relationships?

One of the most valuable things we have is time…you can always make more money, but you can’t make more time.

We add value to other people’s lives with the time we spend with them, the energy we bring to them, the advice we share, the attention when we listen to them….the ways in which we contribute, bring our value and our gifts are endless.

…and other people can bring value to our lives in return in the same huge variety of ways.

But as women we often forget our value.

We forget that just ‘being there’ for someone is of huge value.

You see, in life whenever we have an interaction with another person there is an exchange….and in order for the interactions to be fulfilling to both people there needs to be a fair exchange.

Now fair exchange doesn’t mean that we’re exchanging the same thing, or even that we’re exchanging at the same time…but there does need to be a balance of giving and receiving in order for us to feel mutually fulfilled.

So what are some examples of fair exchange?

Being there and listening to a friend when she’s having challenges, knowing she has done the same for you in the past or will do in the future. It’s not necessarily at the same time, but it will go both ways eventually.

Doing something for someone else, that makes you feel good yourself in the process of doing it. If you get ‘filled up’ by doing something nice for someone else, then you are still getting to receive as well as give…even if it’s not something that the other person is even aware of.

Giving your time to help a friend out with moving, and them giving you appreciation in return, so you feel your time and effort has been valued.

We all have our own internal barometer as to what we believe is ‘fair’ when it comes to ‘fair exchange’. Some people feel that a simple “Thank you” is all they would like in return for helping out a friend…other people would want more.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to ‘fair exchange’…but in order for it to be a fair exchange both people need to FEEL that it is in balance.

For example, have you ever had a friend where you’ve felt like all you do is give, but you never get back in return?

Where you only talk about their problems, or that they are always asking you for help, or that they never seem to be there for you when you need them?

Situations like this can make us feel drained.

We can end up feeling used, emotional, and that we just want to retreat from the other person.

These situations can damage and destroy friendships, relationships and family bonds…because we end up choosing to avoid or ignore the person rather than deal with the imbalance.

…and the chances are they aren’t even aware of the imbalance or the upset that it’s causing you, so they feel hurt and rejected because they don’t even realise that there’s a problem.

So what’s the answer?

Know your value

The answer is simply to know your value and to request what you want and need in return for the value you bring, by gently and firmly establishing your boundaries.

So as an example, when dealing with a friend who is always talking about her own problems but doesn’t seem to be interested in helping you with yours, simply say to them “I love being able to help you with the challenges you’ve got, and I really would like your help with the ones that I’m dealing with too. So how about we spend half an hour on your stuff and then half an hour on mine?”

It can be difficult at the beginning to start doing this if you’ve established a pattern with someone over a period of time, but the key is to be clear about what you want, and consistent. If you continue to ask for what you want and need, in a gentle but firm way, over time you will be able to redress the balance.

…and it’s important to recognise that some people might not have the capacity to give you what you want and need in return, for whatever reason.

At that point you can make a choice over if and how you wish to continue the relationship, knowing that you’re powerfully choosing whichever path is right for you knowing what the consequences of that will be. Either choosing to maintain the relationship knowing it doesn’t meet your needs, and finding a way to have that work for you, or choosing to reduce or end the relationship in order to not compromise your value.

So what was the second lightbulb moment when speaking with my potential client?

Then second thing she said was that she wished there was a way for her to begin to work with me for a smaller investment so that she could at least start her journey and then work her way up to the one-on-one so that she was making progress in the meantime.

This was the point at which I decided to create the Feminine 1st Family. An opportunity you to be able to begin working with me without needing to jump right into a full one-to-one package, and also putting the value for both of us onto the video content I share every week.

So why did I do this?

Because it serves us both.

By bringing value into Feminine 1st for the video content we’re sharing it sustains our business so we can continue to provide information and value to you in the future.

…and for you it puts the value on the video content that is shared so that you get as much value out of it as possible, and also provides a way in to work more closely with me without needing to jump into a complete coaching or mentoring package straight away!

…and solutions that serve everyone are the ones that I like the best 🙂

The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on Saturday and therefore if you would like to continue to receive the new weekly videos (and even to request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer.

For June only there is an introductory special offer, which I would like to offer you today: Click here for all the details

…and this week I invite you to recognise and request your value, in every situation.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

How can femininity help women in leadership?

Feminine 1st Women in leadershipWomen in leadership and females in business have become ‘hot topics’ over the last few years.

Between Sheryl Sandberg comment sharing how we have too few women in leadership on the TED stage and various news reports from all over the world about how women are underrepresented in business….it’s clear that this is a conversation that is sparking a lot of interest.

Women in leadership = feminine leaders?

The thing is, as we’re all acutely aware, women in leadership does not necessarily equate to feminine leadership.

We’ve all seen women in business who are doing a better job at being men than their male counterparts.  They’ve taken on the reins, slapped on their masculine masks and are leading the charge by showing very clearly who is wearing the trousers (or pants, depending where you’re based!)

I can’t blame women for taking this approach, I did it myself for a large number of years, and it’s often done because women in leadership think that’s what it takes to be successful – they’re just modeling the men who have been successful before them. It can also simply happen because the women in question have never seen or been shown another way of doing it.

But in taking this approach we end up missing out on tapping into our innate strengths.  The natural abilities we have as feminine women that can lead to successes in business that we never realised possible.

Women in leadership who tap into their feminine unleash a powerful force.

Having dealt with leadership the masculine way for many years, I know how it works.  I know that in certain circumstances it’s beneficial and in others it really doesn’t hit the mark.

But feminine leadership is a concept that I’ve only become familiar with in the last few years…and I know personally the difference that it can make.

I’m the leader of a women’s community here in London called Tribal Truth, and I’ve had times where I’ve stepped into leading in a masculine way.  I’ve taken everything on myself, I’ve been sure to keep my emotions in check and stay strong and I’ve not let anyone see what’s going on behind the scenes.

Quite frankly, at the times I’ve done this it has been lonely, painfully challenging and has felt like a continuous uphill battle.

For a woman who is feminine at her core, trying to lead in this way is at best ineffective and at worst quite detrimental.
When connecting to my femininity and leading from that place it always inspires a powerful reaction in the group I’m leading.

By connecting to my feminine and leading through emotionally connectedness, through building relationships, through collaboration rather than competition, through being openhearted and vulnerable the results are incredible.  By sharing my truth, and being seen for who I am, rather than a perception I am trying to create I inspire greater connection, respect, loyalty and support.

Even more importantly it gives those I’m leading to be seen for who they are and where they’re at, rather than feeling that they have to pretend to be something or somewhere they’re not.

It means you’re working WITH your team, rather than above them…walking along side them rather than in front of them.

Leading by example rather than by instruction.

By blending the best of our feminine traits with the masculine skills we’re so accustomed to, we find the ‘sweet spot’ that brings out the best in everyone.

Raking a purely masculine approach only gives us half the tools…as does taking a purely feminine approach…it’s when the women in leadership work WITH their male counterparts and each bring their strengths to the table, that’s when the magic happens.

Women in leadership often feel like they’re on their own

I’ve been very lucky.  When taking the tentative steps along the path of discovering what my own personal brand of feminine leadership, I’ve not been alone…I’ve had a tribe of incredible feminine leaders supporting me every step of the way.  Helping, guiding, reflecting back to me, supporting, sharing, acknowledging, celebrating,

…and leading this collection of women is a good friend of mine Tanya Paluso.

Tanya’s heart-centred commitment to ensuring that women step fully into their potential as feminine leaders is parallel to none. She stands for every woman who works with her with compassion, love and a focus on holding space for them to push through their self-imposed limitations and into the power that resides inside them.

Through working with Tanya as the London Tribe leader I have experienced breakthroughs in my feminine leadership that I wasn’t expecting, and have stepped into my power in a way that has transformed myself and the women in my tribe.

Tanya’s consistent ability to put herself out there in a vulnerable and inspiring way has allowed me to see even more clearly the power of feminine leadership and by acting as my mirror she has shown me the path to embodying it in every area of my life.

It’s by seeing how I respond to her open, honest, vulnerable leadership that I see how other people respond to my own.

In the last few weeks I’ve realised how many incredible women I have in my network and how much they have to share with you.   Tanya is one of these women and she has created a complimentary video series called “Leading in Truth” which she has allowed me to share with you.

Through this video series Tanya is sharing:

  • Why leadership is your key to freedom.
  • The Wheel of Co-creative Leadership, a cutting edge style in the new paradigm of business that we’ve been developing at Tribal Truth.
  • The 5 Essential Elements of leadership that will help you overcome the most common obstacles that women face when stepping into their power.
  • The #1 secret to starting an international organization so you can apply this powerful process to create your own movement!  (She will teach you how I took Tribal Truth across the pond to London without knowing anyone)

So if you would like to learn more about how femininity can help women in leadership and how Tanya’s own experiences can help you to step into your own power as a feminine leader then you can find the details here: goo.gl/bkObD

In addition, Tanya is doing a free call on Feminine Leadership later today! On this complimentary call, you will learn:

  • The 3 biggest obstacles to building teamwork and partnerships and how to overcome them
  • Why you need to expand your capacity to hold more in order to reach more people
  • How vulnerability will make you a more magnetic, authentic and effective leader
  • The #1 thing you must say to someone when asking them for their partnerships that will result in more YESes and long term growth
  • Her secret formula to building a movement quickly from nothing

I think it is so important for women in leadership to step into their power, and to do it together in collaboration.

Join the call TODAY at 12pm PST (8pm GMT):goo.gl/BRnkC

…and in the meantime I encourage you to think about how femininity can help you, as well as other women in leadership to be the best leader they can be.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

The Feminine Way to Business Success – The Complete Collection!

As you know, recently I took part in the 30 day YouTube business challenge, where I recorded 30 (…well actually it ended up as 32!) videos showcasing hints and tips on “The Feminine Way to Business Success”.

Since the challenge ended I’ve had lots of people contact me to say that they loved the videos, but they missed one or two of them along the way, and is there somewhere that they can find all of them in the one place?

So…here we are! I’ve created a playlist with all 32 videos on “The Feminine Way to Business Success” for you to catch up and skip through in order to find any you might have missed, or that you might find particularly useful 🙂

So, which has been YOUR favourite video from the YouTube Challenge?

Also, tonight will be my first live online radio interview on “The Waking Passions” radio show, where I’ll be sharing about “Clearing your masks and finding the true feminine you”

Where: http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=118494&cmd=tc

When: Wednesday 7th March 2012 – 10PM GMT / 5PM EST / 4PM CST / 3PM MST / 2PM PST / Thursday 8th March – 9am  EDT.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Emotions in Business – Day 30 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 30 of the Youtube challenge!

Over the last few years women have got the message that emotions and business don’t mix. We’ve been told to ‘check our emotions at the door’ and ‘don’t get emotional’. While at times these are helpful pieces of advice, on the whole I have to say that I disagree. Would you like to know why emotions are key to the success of your business? Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you made the most of the emotions which will help your business succeed? What difference do you think that harnessing these positive emotions would have on the success of your business?

Today is due to be the last day of the 30 day YouTube challenge, but be sure to subscribe to the Feminine 1st Youtube Channel, because tomorrow I will be uploading an extra BONUS video that you won’t want to miss! Subscribe here now: http://www.youtube.com/feminine1st

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to harness and utilise the emotions which will move your business forward, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Intuition” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-29/

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Collaboration – BONUS video for the Youtube Challenge

A BONUS video for the Youtube challenge!

In the past business has very much been about competing with everyone around you. You need to do more, perform better, win at all costs. But what if there was another way? What if there was a way to succeed by working WITH the people around you, rather than against them? Would you like to know what a dramatic affect that could have on the success of your business? Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you focused more on competing than collaborating? What difference do you think that collaborating and working with the people around you would have on the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to find people to collaborate with for the success of both of your business goals, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

As this is the last video for the YouTube Challenge, I hope that you’ve enjoyed the videos I’ve shared! Which has been your favourite video from the last 30 days?

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Emotions in Business” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-30/

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Recognition & Reward – Day 29 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 29 of the Youtube challenge!

We all know how nice it is to be recognised and acknowledged when we’ve done something well…so why is it so often overlooked in a business environment? It’s important to understand how taking the time to recognise and reward the people around us can make a huge difference to the success of your business. Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you made enough time to recognise and reward the people around you? What difference do you think that making the effort to recognise and reward the people around you would have on the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to recognise and reward the people in and around your business, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Balance of Giving and Receiving” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-28/

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Intuition – Day 28 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 28 of the Youtube challenge!

We’ve all heard about Female Intuition…whether you think that it’s some sort of supernatural ability or just a subconscious link between awareness and experience. So the question is, how can your intuition help you in business? Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you ignored your intuition? What difference do you think that following your intuition would have on the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to help make the most of your natural intuition, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Balance of Giving and Receiving” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-27/

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Balance of Giving & Receiving – Day 27 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 27 of the Youtube challenge!

In the past business has had a bit of a reputation for being focused on what it can get…out of situations, out of resources, out of people. It has been so focused on the bottom line, on results and numbers and what it can get, that it sometimes forgets about how important it is to give first. Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you been a little too focused on what you can get in business? What difference do you think that focusing on giving value first would make to the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to help get the balance of giving and receiving in your business right for you, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Failure” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-26/

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Failure – Day 26 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 26 of the Youtube challenge!

Nobody likes the idea of failing…and no-one wants to fail at anything in life. But what is failure? …and how can failing actually help you to create success in your business? Watch the video to find out:

So, have you let a fear of failure hold you back in the past? What difference do you think that changing your perspective on failing would make to the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do to differently to use failure as part of your education, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “The Brand of You” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-25/

The Feminine Way to Business Success – The Brand of You – Day 25 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 25 of the Youtube challenge!

When working in business people sometime have a habit of focusing on their business brand, and they forget that they have a personal brand themselves. Your personal brand is so important as it is what everyone you meet and interact with will judge you on. Having a personal brand which is completely congruent, inside and out will make a huge difference to the success of your business. Watch the video to find out why:

So, do you know what your personal brand is? What difference do you think that developing the brand of ‘you’ would make to the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do to define your brand values and make sure your brand is true to the authentic ‘you’ inside, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Fearless” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-24/