This week’s Thursday Thought:
Communication Secrets – Expect Women to Interpret Everything & Expect Men to Interpret Nothing
Today marks the end of an era for Feminine 1st.
It also marks the start of a new exciting time ahead.
Today’s newsletter tells you all about what’s changing, why and how…and how a revelation for me could also be a revelation for you…so I highly recommend grabbing a cup of tea and having a read when it’s delivered to your inbox later today.
The short and sweet version is that today is the last day that the weekly Feminine 1st videos will be available to anyone who isn’t a member of the Feminine 1st Family.
The good news is that if you want to know more, and want to take advantage of the special introductory offer open only to a select group of people until midnight on Friday you can find out all of the details here.
So as today will be the last weekly video that is available to non-members, I wanted to make it a particularly important one.
One of the main challenges in any kind of relationship, but especially that between a man and a woman, is communication.
A survey conducted by Your Tango last year shared that the number one reason for divorce is communication problems…and it’s not just marriages where this causes trouble.
The problem? Because we are all using the same words, the same dialogue, the same phrases…we believe we’re speaking the same language.
The reality is that we’re not.
Men and women have fundamentally different ways of communicating, the meaning we associate with certain words and phrases can be at odds and we get frustrated when we don’t feel that we’re being understood.
So if you don’t know how to speak ‘man language’ you might as well be speaking Mandarin to a Frenchman…
In today’s video I give you an overview of the difference between ‘man language’ and ‘woman language’.
There is much more detail I could go into about the certain buzz words that resonate more with men than women, noticing when he’s in the mode where ‘man language’ is essential and also the difference in how men and women communicate and process information…but I’ll save that for another time.
Today is all about awareness.
The most important thing for you to know about man language is that it exists…in the same way that woman language does too.
That just because you’re both speaking English, or French, or Italian or Dutch, does not mean you’re saying and hearing the same thing.
We all have the ability to speak both, but there is one that is our ‘native tongue’ and one that takes a little more effort on our part, to speak and to understand.
There are a plethora of ‘funnies’ that do the rounds every now and again making jokes about the differences between what women say or mean, or what men and women mean when they say the same thing, like the examples I’ve included here.
The reason that people find them funny is because we all recognise an element of truth in them.
So today I want to share with you how important understanding the difference between man language and woman language is…
The simple answer is…they don’t.
No-one needs to speak any language they don’t want to.
Women don’t need to speak man language. Men don’t need to speak woman language.
…as long as we’re happy to live with the communication problems in relationships.
You don’t need to speak man language at all…but if you want to communicate something important to a man who is important to you…what reason is there not to?
…and the same goes for men.
Because the same principles apply for men communicating with women as for women communicating with men.
At the end of the day if we want to communicate something to someone else, no matter who they are, where they’re from or what language they speak, and them understanding what we’re saying is important to us, then it’s in OUR interests to use THEIR language 🙂
So the question is, do you want to learn to speak man language, or not? The choice is yours…
I’m imagining that when you first saw the title of today’s post, you probably did a bit of a double take.
I can imagine you saying to yourself “I didn’t know Feminine 1st was THAT kind of site!”
…to be honest I’ll be quite intrigued to see what my visitor stats for today are…I’m betting they’ll be higher than your average Monday… 😉
So it’s a controversial title…and for good reason.
You see, today’s post is essential reading for anyone…whether you’re feminine, masculine, male, female, old young…it doesn’t matter.
This applies to you.
I guarantee at some point in your life you’ve had a 69…or maybe it was a 96?
Because at times we all get caught up in our own view of the world. We forget that there is another way to look at things.
So what on earth does this have to do with the number 69?
Let me explain.
Imagine that you’re standing directly opposite someone, arms length apart and that you’ve drawn on the floor in front of you a huge number 6.
If someone were to come along and ask you what you’ve drawn on the floor, the answer would be simple. It’s a number 6. There would be absolutely no doubt in your mind, that it is a number 6. You would be able to clearly see that it is a number 6. If someone suggested that it is a different number altogether, it’s highly likely that you would (respectfully and calmly, I’m sure) confirm that it isn’t another number….it is in fact a number 6.
…and you would be right.
Now imagine for a moment that you are the person standing opposite you. If someone were to come along and ask them what has been drawn on the floor in front of them, they would have no doubt in their mind that it is a number 9. They would be able to see clearly that it is a number 9. If someone suggested that it was, in fact, a different number…they would be absolutely convinced that it is a number 9…not any other number.
….and they would be right.
If these two people were to have a conversation about the number in front of them, if they only looked at what they could see, and didn’t stop to consider another angle, each would be absolutely convinced that they knew better.
It’s definitely a 6…no, it’s definitely a 9…
How many times have you been in a situation like this, where you were absolutely convinced that you knew the answer, and were in a conversation where someone else was sure that they knew the answer…but the two answers were different?
Often we are so quick to show that we are right that we don’t realise that in the process of showing that we are right, we often imply (or even state outright!) that the other person is wrong.
It happens a lot.
If only we took the time to mentally walk around to the other side of the circle we’d see that both perspectives are valid. Neither right, neither wrong…just different.
I recently had an experience with a 69 situation. I had one perspective, and someone else had a completely different one. Neither was ‘right’ or ‘wrong’…they were just different…whether due to a misunderstanding, miscommunication or just the fact that we each had slightly different perspectives.
If you want to resolve a situation like this, it always helps to accept responsibility for whatever part you might have played in the confusion and find a resolution or compromise, or at least agree to disagree on good terms.
So if you find yourself in a situation like this in the future, remember the ‘triple S’ approach:
You don’t have to agree with another person’s point of view, in order to understand and respect it…and being able to show that you can see where they’re coming from will make life a lot easier for everyone.
A point, which is often raised when I’m discussing femininity, is “what happens when the unpleasant stuff hits the fan?” When things seem stacked against you and you’re really up against it, we often feel that we need step into our masculine in order to cope.
For years this was my primary coping mechanism for tough times…I didn’t believe there was any other way that would work.
As a result, when I started really focusing on and embracing my femininity, I found that difficult situations were my nemesis…
It was habit for me to toughen up and take control during these situations and initially it felt counter-intuitive to take a softer approach.
At times you may have experienced this too.
So I thought that my experience this morning might be helpful for you to hear.
It’s not always easy writing about personal experiences…especially when those experiences are challenging and painful…but if it helps you, it’s worth it.
At the moment there are some significant challenges in my life. The biggest one being that my partner has a serious but as yet undiagnosed medical condition, a condition that is getting worse. Among other things it meant that he spent most of New Year’s Eve in bed in pain rather than celebrating with me 🙁
He has been experiencing symptoms for nearly 7 months, and things are becoming more acute on a weekly, if not daily, basis. This morning it was bad again…and I felt completely overwhelmed.
I needed to talk to my partner about the things that were on my mind.
In my former life this is the point at which I would have stepped, both feet first, into my masculine and tried to take control of everything. I would have been forceful about the way I thought things should be done and I’m sure I would have come across as being dominant or critical.
However since reconnecting with my feminine, I have discovered a different approach.
Today I didn’t hold back and I didn’t push either.
I just let myself explain the way I was feeling, why I was feeling it and what I needed.
I was completely vulnerable, and shed more than a few tears.
It was one of those moments where we could both see the massive difference that this new approach is having in our lives.
Where previously there would have been a battleground, the lines of communication were now open and free flowing.
Instead of feeling criticised, my partner was able to see me and understand how I was feeling.
We didn’t shout. We didn’t battle. We were able to talk about it openly.
We were on the same side.
I poured my heart out, and with a relatively quick, open conversation we were able to find a solution to the immediate problems.
More importantly I gave him the information he needed (and the space) to step forward and help me through a time where I was feeling overwhelmed.
A short while later I was back to work, with a smile on my face and a sense that everything was on track and manageable again.
Sometimes, even when you don’t think something will work, it’s worth giving it a go.
You’ve no idea the difference it could make…