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Your Unique Femininity Formula – Are you doing or being?

Your Unique Femininity Formula - Are you doing or being? - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stIf you’re anything like me, you always have a lot to do.

In fact most women run their lives around a never ending to do list.

When we meet someone new, our first question is often “so what do you do?”

We identify ourselves by what we do for a living.

When we have some free time, we look for something to do.

When there’s a problem we want to know what to do about it.

Is all this doing a good idea?

So what do you have on your to do list?

Things to do for your work?

Things to do at home?

Things to do for your health or fitness?

Things to do with your friends?

We’re always looking for the next thing to do.

With all of this ‘doing’…do you ever get to stop and enjoy life?

What affect is the doing having?

The challenge with having our focus on doing is that ‘doing’ is a very masculine trait.

The masculine is all about action…making things happen.

It’s go-go-go all the time in the world of the masculine…which is great if you’re masculine at core.

But if you’re not masculine at core, spending all of your time doing can be utterly exhausting.

…and there is an alternative, and today I want to share with you about it:

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So would you like to know how you can move from doing to being?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out all about how you can connect with your animal instincts.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Your Unique Femininity Formula – Do you know how to let go of control?

Your Unique Femininity Formula - Do you know how to let go of control? - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stControl.

We all like to feel that we have an element of control, that we have the ability to affect what happens in our lives.

But is control a bad thing?

I mean, if we lose control everything will fall apart, right?

Not necessarily…

Is control really a bad thing?

There are a couple of challenges when it comes to control.

The first is that, control is a myth.  We can’t ever really be in control of what happens in life.

Our lives get affected by events and other people, which means that trying to keep control is futile.

If we can instead realise that control is nothing more than illusion life gets a lot easier.

Why should I let go of control?

The second challenge for control for a feminine woman is that it puts us squarely in our masculine.

Trying to keep control brings a lot of tension to our bodies.

Just think for a moment of trying to control something…then think of trying to control a number of things at the same time.  Can you feel the tension beginning to creep in?

Often the muscles in your stomach, back and shoulders begin to tighten and draw in.

Tightening and tension in the body is a sign of the masculine, as opposed to relaxation and flow which is much more connected to the feminine.

So today I want to talk to you a little bit about control and how you can begin to let it go:

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So would you like to know how you can let go of control?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out all about how you can connect with your animal instincts.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Would you like to know how to just let it all out?

Let it outWe all know that life has its ups and downs, it’s stresses and strains at times, it’s highs and lows….that’s what makes it interesting!

Sometimes though, us ladies can get caught up with this idea that we need to be perfect, and that no matter what happens that we need to stay in control.

Especially at times like these,  its important to remember that perfection is an illusion…as is control.

We see in magazines and on television all about how to have the perfect body, the perfect relationship, the perfect home, the perfect career, the perfect life!

But what is perfection?!  It’s all subjective.  …and if you’re anything like me you appreciate something that is perfectly imperfect.

Life needs to have its downs otherwise you wouldn’t appreciate the ups as much!

As for control, well control is also an illusion.  The only thing that we can control in life is what we say and do and how we react to situations.

…and herein lies the problem.

Sometimes, in order to try and keep ‘control’, we ladies insist on controlling our emotions.   A situation comes up which upsets us, disappoints us, or makes us angry, and in order to feel like we’re ‘in control’ we hang on tight to our feelings and either bury them, distract ourselves from them or cover them up.

The downside of this is that these feelings don’t go away, they just end up staying there, inside us, eating us up and sometimes causing us other problems (like affecting our health) until such time as our guard is down, when they have a bad habit of bubbling back up to the surface and catching us unawares.

So I hear you asking, “How else do I deal with it?”

Great question.

Well, as we’ve discussed previously the best way to deal with negative emotions is to allow yourself to feel them…because it’s only when you’ve felt them completely and totally that you are able to release them and let them go.

But we’re feminine women!  We’re not supposed to shout or scream or get upset are we?

I say, “Why not?!”

Passion and emotional connectedness are fundamental parts of femininity…if we don’t allow ourselves to embrace these aspects fully, then we don’t allow ourselves to embrace our femininity fully either.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting for a second that you start shouting and screaming the moment that something irks you slightly…but I am suggesting that you allow yourself to “Let it out” when something is bubbling under the surface.

…and letting it out doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

There are so many ways that you can release those emotions in a way that will help you to feel better, and not scare the living daylights out of anyone nearby!

A couple of weeks ago, a large group of friends all got together for a friend’s 35th birthday in London, where we went for dinner and dancing at a Greek restaurant.

Plate Smashing

Plate Smashing!

Now, if you’re not aware already…the Greeks have a tradition which is a fantastic way to ‘let out’ any stress you might be experiencing in a fun way – plate smashing!

At the end of the meal they play some traditional Greek music and everyone is invited to take some plates and smash them on the floor.  It’s great fun, doesn’t cost very much money and is a fantastic way of ‘letting out’ any emotion you might be hanging on to.

…and plate smashing isn’t your only option…Smashed Plates

Here’s a list of 10 ways to ‘let it out’ which will make you feel better…and some which might even make you smile too:

  1. Sing along to a fitting song at the top of your voice (being in-tune is optional) – some song suggestions are: “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson, “So What” by Pink and “Ready to Go” by Republica.
  2. Have a good cry.
  3. Go running…run as far as you can as fast as you can.
  4. Take it out on a pillow.
  5. Pull faces at yourself in the mirror.
  6. Find somewhere remote and shout it out at the top of your lungs.
  7. Take up kickboxing.
  8. Dance around like a 4 year old.
  9. Write down everything you’re feeling and then tear the paper up into tiny pieces.
  10. Take up Krumping (a dance style created in LA to give kids an alternative to gang-life and to help them to release their anger in a positive and non-violent way)

…or come up with your own – this is a great opportunity to get creative and think of some ways to ‘let it out’ which will work well for you.

…when you let it out, you can let it go…and trust me, you’ll end up feeling a whole lot better.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

What’s the fastest way to find your feminine?

Find your FeminineA question that I get asked all the time is “What is the fastest way for me to reconnect with my feminine?”

Believe me, I know how you feel.

Life these days is incredibly hectic for us women.

We have our jobs and careers to think about, we have our personal lives to juggle, we are thinking about our relationships, our health and fitness, our hobbies, our homes, our finances, our families…the list is never ending.

Our feminine tends to take a back seat

Often in order to cope with the craziness of our day-to-day lives women jump into ‘take control mode’.

Ladies Toilet SignI think that by seeing this sign around us all the time we just assume that all women wear capes and are secretly superheroes!

In going into our ‘superhero mode’ we end up taking on a number of very masculine traits, we become very analytical, driven, single-minded and focused on just ‘getting the job done’.

Finding the balance between our masculine and feminine

As we all know, we have both masculine and feminine energies inside us. Even if we’re primarily a more feminine person at our core, utilising our masculine traits when appropriate is not only helpful…but sometimes it’s necessary to deal with a given situation. It’s all about finding the right balance.

The challenge that we often have is that with all of the pressure and stress that we feel (either as a result of external situations, or more likely that we put on ourselves) we can spend more and more time in the masculine and less and less in the feminine.

This can lead to us feeling drained, unhappy and very unfulfilled.

Therefore it’s incredibly helpful to know how to quickly get back into your feminine in order to relax and feel like yourself again! 🙂

So what’s the answer?

How to find your feminine fast

The answer is that it’s different for everyone…but it’s really easy to find out what it is for you.

The quickest and easiest way to get back to your feminine is to reconnect with who you are at heart….and the quickest way to do that is to ask yourself what it was that you enjoyed doing when you were a child….say at 6 or 7 years old.

What was it at that age which made you absolutely light up from the inside?

What made you smile?

What made you laugh?

What would you do whenever you had a free second of time?

It could be absolutely anything.

For me it was dancing, singing or spending time with animals. Whenever my parents asked me what I wanted to do for the day, if there was an opportunity to feed some animals I was a very happy girl.

When we used to go for London for a day, the outing wasn’t complete without a trip to feed the pigeons in Leicester square.

I did ballet, tap, modern dancing and you couldn’t stop me from singing all over the house.

Any one of these things made me absolutely light up from the inside out.

For other people it’s different. I have one friend who used to pretend she was doing her own radio show with a little tape recorder and another who was happiest when she was swimming. It could be drawing or creating something, reading a book, listening to your favourite music….the list of possibilities is infinite.

…and when you’ve worked out what it is for you…the fastest way back to your feminine is to find a way to do it now.

Feeding the HorsesFor me, I dance salsa, I’ve joined a local ‘funky’ choir and on a regular basis I walk down to a field near my house and feed the horses that live there. If I feel like a dance, but there’s no salsa on that day, I take 10 minutes, blast my favourite tracks in my bedroom and dance like I’m a 5 year old again! 😀

…and the key is to do it until it makes you smile…until you feel that warm fuzzy feeling inside that you had when you were a child.

Voila! Back to your feminine in the blink of an eye…

…and now you know what makes you feel like this, it’s a great idea to arrange to do it on a regular basis. Put a note in your diary as a reminder, make a little time every week and take this time for you.

Because it’s far more enjoyable to find your feminine BEFORE life gets overwhelming, rather than after!

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, you might also like to check out this one about “What IS Feminine?”

femininity single woman

Femininity for the Single Woman…

femininity single womanWhen you start focusing on your femininity, it can be a bit of a challenge.

If you’re in a relationship it can be tough to step back and give the man in your life space to step into the masculine role.

If you’re not in a relationship it can be even harder, as there is no-one there to take on those masculine traits and step into the space that you’re creating.

You’re independent.

You’re strong.

You’re used to handling everything yourself.

So when a man does come along, it can be very hard to step back and relinquish some control when you’re so used to doing it all on your own.

How can you prepare yourself to become a partnership, when you’re used to running the show by yourself?

The first step is to stop doing it all yourself.

I know that you CAN do it all yourself…but does that mean that you WANT to?

Allow yourself to let others help you, more specifically the men in your life.

Male friends, male family members…if you could use a little help with things, then ask for it. If you make them feel needed the men in your life will be more than happy to help out.

The other thing is to get used to relinquishing control.

Take up a hobby where you have to step completely into your feminine…and simultaneously allow a man to take the lead.

A great example is dancing…such as salsa or ballroom.

As a salsa teacher myself, I know that if both the man and the woman are trying to lead, it doesn’t work.

In order for salsa to flow, one partner has to take the lead, the other has to follow.

When salsa is at it’s best, the man is leading, the woman is following.

The man is the frame, the woman is the picture.

The man provides the structure, the woman provides the beauty.

It requires trust.

For the woman it requires a belief that the man will step forward and take the lead.

For the man it requires a belief that the woman will step back and let him take the lead.

As a woman and a follower it requires letting go of the control we’ve been used to and going with the flow.

It’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean that the man is doing all the work.  Definitely not.  It’s a dance, a balance.   When dancing women need to provide some strength, resistance and assistance to the process, otherwise it doesn’t work.  Likewise she needs to be signalling that she’s ready for the move that’s coming (because trust me…a quadruple spin if you’re not ready or paying attention isn’t likely to work out too well!!)

Both in salsa and in life, learning to follow can be a challenge when you’re used to taking the lead all the time. But when you step back and let it happen, it can be fantastic.

Sometimes though, in order to move things along quickly, the ladies decide that they are going to ‘help’. Unfortunately they do this by taking over the lead and doing it all themselves…and the guys just have to watch, then try to catch up.

If this happens, the man never learns how to lead, and the woman never learns how to follow….they’re both just going through the motions.

Have you ever been in a relationship which has felt like this?

Neither get to really experience and enjoy the dance…it either becomes a battle (with both sides trying to lead) or the roles end up the wrong way around with the woman ‘back leading’ the dance and the man trying to keep up.

One question I get asked regularly, both from a femininity point of view and from teaching salsa is “What if he doesn’t take the lead?”

You will see it more obviously with salsa, but it’s true in both situations.

The simple answer is that if you show that you are ready and want him to make the move and then you don’t move, when he tries to lead…then he will know that he’s not being clear enough with his lead.

Firstly, you need to indicate that you are ready, in a way that is clear to him, in order for him to understand the move is his (there are a number of different ways of doing this, both in dancing and in life).

Once you’ve done this, if he’s trying to lead you to do something on the dancefloor, and it’s just not happening, he’ll understand that he’s not being clear enough with the lead he’s making.

If this happens a few times, he’ll soon work out that he needs to really step forward and take the lead in order to get the result he wants.

It might take a little time, but if you really step back and give him the space to lead (and let him know that it’s OK that it doesn’t work first time!  Have a laugh about it with him, smile!), he will soon step forward and learn how to do it so that you can both get the results that you want.

…and when he does, the best thing to do is to encourage and support him.

He might not get it right the first time, but with the space and support of a great partner, you’ll soon be dancing beautifully together.

The dance is all about balance…and the best way to find the balance?  Play with it! Have fun with it! Try different things, see what works and what doesn’t.

As a single girl, doing a hobby like this regularly will mean that you will get used to stepping back and handing the lead over to someone else (specifically a man). Which will make doing it in life so much easier…

Plus you can get fit and have fun in the process…it’s win-win!

Oh and remember that you only have 2 days left of the exclusive Feminine 1st subscriber offer! Be sure to get in before the offer ends on Sunday, as I wouldn’t want you to miss out! 🙂  If you don’t have any clue what I’m talking about, then put your name and email address into the pink box near the top of the page and I will send you all the details…!

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

when the going gets tough the tough get feminine

When the going gets tough…the tough get feminine?

when the going gets tough the tough get feminineA point, which is often raised when I’m discussing femininity, is “what happens when the unpleasant stuff hits the fan?” When things seem stacked against you and you’re really up against it, we often feel that we need step into our masculine in order to cope.

For years this was my primary coping mechanism for tough times…I didn’t believe there was any other way that would work.

As a result, when I started really focusing on and embracing my femininity, I found that difficult situations were my nemesis…

It was habit for me to toughen up and take control during these situations and initially it felt counter-intuitive to take a softer approach.

At times you may have experienced this too.

So I thought that my experience this morning might be helpful for you to hear.

It’s not always easy writing about personal experiences…especially when those experiences are challenging and painful…but if it helps you, it’s worth it.

At the moment there are some significant challenges in my life. The biggest one being that my partner has a serious but as yet undiagnosed medical condition, a condition that is getting worse. Among other things it meant that he spent most of New Year’s Eve in bed in pain rather than celebrating with me 🙁

He has been experiencing symptoms for nearly 7 months, and things are becoming more acute on a weekly, if not daily, basis. This morning it was bad again…and I felt completely overwhelmed.

I needed to talk to my partner about the things that were on my mind.

In my former life this is the point at which I would have stepped, both feet first, into my masculine and tried to take control of everything. I would have been forceful about the way I thought things should be done and I’m sure I would have come across as being dominant or critical.

However since reconnecting with my feminine, I have discovered a different approach.

Today I didn’t hold back and I didn’t push either.

I just let myself explain the way I was feeling, why I was feeling it and what I needed.

I was completely vulnerable, and shed more than a few tears.

It was one of those moments where we could both see the massive difference that this new approach is having in our lives.

Where previously there would have been a battleground, the lines of communication were now open and free flowing.

Instead of feeling criticised, my partner was able to see me and understand how I was feeling.

We didn’t shout. We didn’t battle. We were able to talk about it openly.

We were on the same side.

I poured my heart out, and with a relatively quick, open conversation we were able to find a solution to the immediate problems.

More importantly I gave him the information he needed (and the space) to step forward and help me through a time where I was feeling overwhelmed.

A short while later I was back to work, with a smile on my face and a sense that everything was on track and manageable again.

Sometimes, even when you don’t think something will work, it’s worth giving it a go.

You’ve no idea the difference it could make…

Stay fabulous,

Claire x