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Are your thoughts getting in the way of your feelings?

Are your thoughts getting in the way of your feelings?

Are your thoughts getting in the way of your feelings?As we know from the definition of femininity, our emotions are a crucial aspect of the feminine.

Connecting into our emotions, and what we’re feeling helps us to connect into our femininity.

The challenge that we have these days is that we spend so much time in our heads, rather than our hearts and our bodies.

We’re all about the ‘thinking’…and not so much about the feeling.

With our unending ‘to do’ lists, our brains are constantly in overdrive. There’s always something to think about, and when we’re done thinking about the first thing, there’s always something following up behind ready to take its place.

If we were just thinking, that would be one thing…but so often we cross the line from ‘thinking’ to ‘over analysing’…thinking through every possibility, every eventuality, all possible outcomes and questioning everything that we come across.

Look at our relationships – how much time do we spend, analysing, re-analysing and over-analysing what happens in our relationships?

What if he does this?

What if he doesn’t do that?

What did he mean by that?

Is he the right person for me?

We even tie ourselves in knots trying to figure out what everyone else is thinking too!

When we ask friends for advice, our first question is always “What do you think?”

So we’re living in an intellectual culture…does it really matter that we think so much?

Well it can do, when our thinking gets in the way of us connecting to how we feel.

So often when we have a problem or a challenge that comes up in our life, our first port of call is to jump into ‘logic mode’. Our attention goes immediately to our head, and we start trying to ‘figure out’ the solution.

We’re so in the habit of doing this that it doesn’t even occur to us to stop and pay attention to what we’re feeling.
The thing with this is that as women, what we’re FEELING often guides us in the right direction, but we’re so used to worrying about what we’re thinking that we don’t even hear what our feelings are saying.

…and when we do turn our attention to what we’re feeling, our brains still want a piece of the action.

The second we stop and check in with how we’re feeling, for most women our brains are there in a heartbeat:

“What am I feeling?”

“Why am I feeling that?”

“Am I feeling happy, or excited?”

More often than not we’re actually thinking about what we’re feeling, than actually allowing ourselves to just feel it.

We try so hard to describe and define something that is a tangible experience that we can end up limiting the feelings to what we can currently describe.

For example, if you only knew the word ‘happy’…but you were feeling exhilarated…in trying to describe and define the feeling you could actually limit the feeling itself.

So how do I know about this?

Well last year I took some time out and decided to spend the week in Glastonbury, one of my favourite places in England to visit.

During the week I did quite a bit of yoga, and meditation. One of the meditations I was doing was specifically about feeling into certain parts of my body…and being fascinated by whatever feelings I was experiencing.

One day, while doing this meditation I suddenly realised that I was trying to describe the feelings as I was experiencing them, and in doing so I was actually blocking myself from feeling them, and limiting them to what my brain could define at that moment in time.

I found myself sitting there thinking, “Is that a tingle, or a glow?…is it radiating, or circulating? Is it moving up or down?…” etc etc etc

All the time I was trying to describe the sensations I was feeling, I wasn’t allowing myself to just feel them.

So rather than describing them, I decided instead to just breathe deeply, relax and allow myself to feel them…and something wonderful happened.

The more I relaxed and just allowed the feelings, the more they grew, and changed and intensified.

The less I thought, the more I felt.

…and when I really wanted to express what I was experiencing, instead of writing about my experience and trying to put it into words, I chose to pick up a sketch pad and pastilles and draw and sketch what felt right.

Then later that same week I found myself having an incredible experience I was having a deep therapy massage, feeling so much going on in my body, and I suddenly realised that my mind was also joining in too!

I had a moment where both my thoughts and feelings were being allowed to flow…but in order to get to that point I first needed to allow and get in touch with the feeling in my body because my day to day life hadn’t previously allowed for that to be heard as often as it would have liked to!

So this week I encourage you to take a few moments where you can give your mind a break, and connect in to what you’re feeling, both emotionally and physically…and see what a difference it makes.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Difference between feeling emotions and wallowing in them

What’s the difference between feeling your emotions and wallowing in them?

Difference between feeling emotions and wallowing in themWe all have times when we experience ‘negative’ emotions.

The thing with emotions is that they all serve a purpose…they are there for a reason. All emotions…the good, the bad and the sometimes very ugly.

That’s the reason I put the word ‘negative’ in inverted commas…because we only perceive them as negative…they actually serve a positive purpose when we allow them to.

In our culture these days, when we experience ‘negative’ emotions we have a tendency to want to distract ourselves from experiencing them. We want to avoid, ignore or bury them…or simply pretend that they don’t exist.

We’ve a plethora of ways to distract ourselves from our emotions…eating, shopping, drinking, drugs, losing ourselves in TV or movies, or burying ourselves in work.

But as I’ve talked about in several articles, these emotions exist for a reason…in order for them to serve their purpose we need to experience them.

They are there to help us to process our experiences, to move through them, learn from them, grow from them…and if we don’t acknowledge and experience these emotions they tend to hang around.

They bubble under the surface and when we least expect it (and often when it is least convenient) they pop up and bite us in the butt.

So in order to release these emotions, we need to first experience them, we need to feel the emotions fully in order to let them go.

But a question I’ve heard many times when this subject comes up is “How do I tell the difference between feeling the emotions to process them and let them go, and wallowing in them?”

This is such a fantastic question…and one that is so valuable to know the answer to that I wanted to write today’s article to share this vital insight with you.

We’ve all wallowed at times.

Those times when we’ve experienced something that has brought up a ‘negative’ emotion…it could be sadness, pain, hurt, anger, shame, grief, rejection – any ‘negative’ emotion.

BUT we don’t want to move through it, we don’t want to release it we WANT to be in it.

We want to just be in the negative emotion, we don’t want to move, we just want to sit there.

Doing nothing, changing nothing, just being in it.

But why?

Why would we want to voluntarily stay in an emotion that doesn’t feel good?

The reason is that in the short term, we can actually seem to gain a lot by being in it….though we may not be consciously aware of it.

When we’re in a ‘bad’ space, there can be ‘benefits’ to it.

In an increasingly numb culture, this is a moment where we’re really feeling something, we feel connected to ourselves and to our emotions in a way that most of us don’t in our day-to-day lives.

We get sympathy from and connection to other people…when we’re not feeling great we often get friends, family or colleagues reaching out to us to give us support. They want to be there for you, comfort you, help you to feel better – often in a way that we don’t experience when we’re not in this kind of space.

This kind of attention makes us feel important, makes us feel special, makes us feel significant…in a way that we might not be used to feeling the rest of the time.

We might use feeling this way as an excuse for not doing things that we’d prefer to avoid…for having some downtime, taking a break, and allowing yourself to breathe a bit and have some time for you. In our hamster-wheel-like lives, we don’t allow ourselves to do this often enough…and so having a reason to do it can feel quite good.

…or we can use it as an excuse for doing the things that we don’t believe we ‘should’ do, but a part of us would really like to. We use feeling bad as a reason for maxing out our credit cards, finishing off an entire chocolate cake, or downing a bottle of wine.

So while we might not be consciously aware of the benefits of being in our ‘negative’ emotions…subconsciously we can bet getting a lot out of it, so we can begin to indulge in it, to subconsciously choose to stay in it, to wallow.

So what’s the problem with wallowing in our ‘negative’ emotions?

If we’re getting so many benefits from being in our ‘negative’ emotions, then what’s the problem?

Well the simple answer is that it’s a short-term gain, which costs us in the long term.

You see processing the emotions, feeling them fully in order to release them gives a short term pain (of feeling fully the emotions that are there) …but which enables us to get a huge long-term benefit…i.e. that we get to completely release these emotions, learn from them, grow from them and move on without taking the baggage of the past with us.

On the other hand, wallowing gives us a short-term gain (the benefits of us being in our negative emotion), but because we’re not feeling the emotions to release them, we’re indulging in them to get these benefits, we never actually get the REAL benefit of being able to let them go and move on to create a life free of this baggage. Instead we end up carrying it all with us all the time, which in the long-term is draining and very unfulfilling.

So how can you tell the difference between processing emotions and wallowing? The point at which you feel that you’re getting more from being in your ‘negative’ emotion than from processing and releasing it is the point at which you’re wallowing. When being in pain is subconsciously ‘worth it’ because of the benefits we get from being there.

The danger with wallowing is that so often that we’re unaware of the fact that we’re doing it. The choice is happening at a subconscious level…not a conscious one.

So how can we avoid the pitfall of wallowing in emotions?

The only way to avoid the pitfall of wallowing is to use awareness and choice.

Becoming aware of whether you are processing or indulging in your ‘negative’ emotions is the first step towards shifting it.

So simply asking yourself the question “Am I feeling this emotion to process and release it, or to indulge in it?” and answering it honestly puts you in a position of choice.

When you’re aware of where you’re at, you can then choose whether or not to stay there…asking yourself “Do I want the short term benefit, or the long term gain?” can be an important question when you want to make a powerful choice of what you want for yourself.

And do you want to know what’s really great about choosing to process your emotions and release them rather than wallow in them?

You actually still get the short-term benefits when you’re in it, feeling the emotions in order to then release them…but they’re not enough to keep you there, you know you want more for yourself…

…SO you also get the long-term benefit of being able to put down the baggage you’ve been carrying with you and move on to create a lighter and more fulfilling life as well!

So it’s win-win!

So the next time you find yourself feeling something you’d rather not be feeling, ask yourself the question, “Am I processing this, or am I wallowing in it?” and see which choice you’d really like to make.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

What chance my experience of heartbreak forever?

What changed my experience of heartbreak forever?

What chance my experience of heartbreak forever?So last week I gave you the first of my answers to the question “Why does heartbreak hurt so much?”

The second answer that came to me when I asked the question “Why does heartbreak hurt so much?” tends to apply more when you feel like the decision to end the relationship has been completely out of your hands.

When this happens, we feel like the victim. We feel out of control. We feel ‘wronged’. We feel like this is something that has been done ‘to’ us.

…and when we’re in this place of feeling like it has been done ‘to’ us, the lack of choice, the lack of control makes it even harder to process.

We’ve been forced into this situation of having to deal with these emotions without any choice, any say, and (often it feels like) no consideration.

What I have to say now might be difficult to hear if you’re currently going through heartbreak.

I know, because I’ve been there, and it was hard for me to consider at first too.

But really hearing this, really understanding it can make a huge difference to your experience…and to your future experiences too.

The path out of this feeling of being out of control, of feeling like the victim, the wronged party, is to understand and accept that it is your own choices that have brought you to this moment in time.

(Take a couple of moments to shout and swear at the screen in front of you if you’d like…that can sometimes help too! 🙂 )

This side of heartbreak can be hard to face…

I can almost hear your thoughts “What do you mean?! They’re the one who did this! It’s their fault! I did nothing wrong!” …and I know how this feels, because I’ve felt it myself.

But the reality is that the choices that you have made have led you to the point you are at now. What you’ve done and haven’t done, who you chose to date or not date, what you allowed from other people and what you didn’t allow, how you showed up and how you didn’t show up.

Now, let me be perfectly clear about this…this is not about blame.

This is not about blaming yourself for what has happened (or the other person for that matter)…it’s about understanding that you can take responsibility for your part in how the situation played out.

Whether it’s in that you prioritised your work over your relationship, or that you didn’t always bring the best ‘you’ you could to the relationship, or simply that you chose to be with someone who wasn’t willing or able to meet your needs, or whose wants and needs you weren’t willing or able to meet in return.

This is not about looking back with regret or shame…you’re at this point now because there’s something you need to learn for yourself…and without this experience the lesson wouldn’t be as powerful and wouldn’t make a difference to how you choose to live your life going forward.

Simply understanding this, simply getting to the point where you can see it, and take responsibility for your part in where you’re currently at is the point at which you can shift from feeling like a victim, to feeling empowered.

If your choices have helped create the situation you’re in right now, your choices can help to create something different in the future….they can help to create what you really want for yourself.

I’m not going to lie. This was hard for me to understand at first…and a part of me didn’t want to understand it.

It was easier to blame someone else for how I was feeling.

I didn’t want to accept that I could have done anything that could have changed the situation I was in and the way I was feeling.

I wanted to make him the ‘bad guy’ because it made me feel momentarily better about the fact I wasn’t with him anymore and I had someone to blame for the pain I was feeling.

But when I really took a moment to honestly look at it, I realised that I had played my part in it too.

I’d played my part in each one of my heartrbeaks

Every heartbreak was different, and my part in it had been different too.

There were some in which I’d simply chosen a person that I was fundamentally incompatible with. They didn’t have the capacity to be the man that I wanted to be with long-term.

There were others where I simply wasn’t giving him what he deserved, because I’d not been ‘getting it’ from them first.

There were others where I’d held back for fear of getting hurt, and in doing so I never gave the relationship a chance to see what it could really be.

There were others where I ignored warning signs of dishonesty and just ‘hoped’ that it would get better.

The list goes on. I had to accept that I had a part in the every one of those relationships coming to an end (even if that part was just in starting the relationship in the first place!)

…and here is the part where the power lies.

The gift in heartbreak…

Because if you can see how your choices have helped create the situation you are currently in, you can choose (if you want to) to make different choices in the future.

The awareness that this brings is the key to finding the gift that I mentioned in my earlier article…because the gift is the learning. The gift is being able to understand yourself better, understand what you want in the future, and grow in a way that will enable you to have it.

To make new choices that will empower you and that will create a different outcome, and that will get you close to the life and relationship that you desire and deserve.

…and as a last note, I’ll say this:

This is a very powerful part of the experience of heartbreak. It is also something that needs to happen at the right time. This is part of the ‘acceptance’ stage of the 5 stages of grief that I mentioned in my last article.

Trying to go through this process when you’re still deep in anger, or denial or bargaining, or depression is likely to make you feel worse, not better…because it will be used as a tool to enhance your current stage. You’ll feel more angry (normally at yourself!) if you try and do this from the anger stage…or feel more depressed about the situation if you do it during the depression stage.

It’s a very important process to go through, but you will only get the real benefit of it if it’s done at the right time.

During my last heartbreak I remember ranting to a friend and shouting, “I know this is all happening for a reason, and I know that there will be a gift in it eventually, but right now it just sucks…and I just want to be with the fact that it sucks, because that’s all I have the capacity for right now!!!”

So be gentle with yourself…allow yourself to experience all the stages of grief and all of the emotions that come up fully and in your own time.

…and then when you’re ready (and not a moment sooner!) take yourself through this process to find the gift for you.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Aspects of the feminine…diving deeper into emotional connection…

Aspects of the feminine...diving deeper into emotional connection... - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo having begun to deep dive into the aspects of the feminine last week with the F of F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E. looking at flow and how to can introduce the two aspects of flow into our lives…this week we get to look at one of my favourite aspects.

Today we’re looking deeper at the first E of the FEMININE acronym, Emotional Connection.

 

The feminine connection to emotion

Unlike the masculine, whose default position is the mind and logic, the feminine’s default position is that of the heart and emotion.

That’s not to say that either side doesn’t have an appreciation for or an ability to tap into the other’s ‘home base’, it’s just that when all things are equal and we’re being true to our core nature, this is the place that we go to first.

By better understanding the concept of emotional connection and what it means to the feminine, we can begin to explore and understand what it will mean for us personally to embody and express it.  As we know our femininity is unique to us…and so is our expression of emotional connection.

Connecting with your feminine through emotion

When we can begin to really understand and embody emotional connection, we naturally feel more feminine as a result, so today’s video is all about helping you to understand emotional connection better, and giving some suggestions for how you can start to experience more of it.

…and as with the aspect of Flow though, there are actually to elements to the feminine aspect of emotional connection, one of which you may not have considered much up to this point….

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can you begin to feel more emotional connection in your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to feel more emotional connection in your life

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Your Unique Femininity Formula – Do you need to get into your heart?

Your Unique Femininity Formula - Do you need to get into your Heart? - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stAs we’ve talked about before, these days women spend a lot of days stuck in their heads.

We are distracted and overwhelmed by a never-ending to do list that leaves us caught in our minds analysing, over-analysing, planning, thinking and organising.

There is so much to do and so many people to help, support and please that we don’t ever seem to have any downtime from it in order to relax and take a holiday from our permanent residence in our brains to explore the other areas of the body to visit.

Have you forgotten about your heart?

The real problem with getting caught in our heads is that it cuts us off from the other areas of the body, and then distracts us into staying there.

We spend an endless amount of hours worrying about the things that have happened in the past.  What happened, how did it happen, how could if have been different?

We constantly think about all the things we need to do right now.  What do I do next, what is the priority, what could wait (for now)?

…and we are continually concerned about the future.  What if this happens, what if that happens, if I did this, then what would the outcome be, how can I get the result I’m looking for?

It’s exhausting, and it cuts us off from experiencing what we’re feeling in the here and now.

Do you need to reconnect with your heart?

As we know, the head is a very masculine place to be, and conversely the heart is connected with the feminine.

Masculinity is about logic, femininity is about emotion.

But women have spent so much time being told “Don’t get so emotional”, “You’re so sensitive”, “Big girls don’t cry” and a variety of other common remarks that we’ve made our natural emotional connection wrong.

When we disconnect from our heart and our emotions, we disconnect with the truth of who we are.

…so today I want to share with you a little reminder about getting into your heart, and some ideas for how to begin:

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So would you like to know how you can get into your heart?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out all about how you can get into your heart.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Do you know how to deal with emotionally charged situations in your relationship?

Do you know how to deal with emotionally charged situations with your man? Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stWhen it comes to intimate relationships, emotions are the life blood.

They are the heart and soul, the foundation, the core.

…unfortunately emotions are also one of the biggest differentiators between the masculine and feminine.

How do the masculine and feminine approach emotionally charged situations?

Emotions are a way of life for the feminine…the feminine experiences the full range of emotions, the depth, the breadth, the highs, the lows and everything in between.

Conversely, the masculine is more driven by logic.  Reason, analysis, deduction…following the rationale and making informed choice.

As we know, we all have both masculine and feminine inside us…which gives each and every one of us the ability to connect with and use both emotion and logic.

We do, however, have a tendency towards one or the other.  There is one that is more natural for us, one that is our default, one that is our core nature.

When it comes to men and women, the majority of men tend to be more masculine at their core, and the majority of women tend to be more feminine….although there are people for whom it is the other way around.

How can I deal with emotionally charged situations in my relationship?

When it comes to intimate relationships (especially during times of stress, or when there are problems occurring) having a way to navigate the differences between the masculine and feminine approaches to emotions can be essential.

Now positive emotions don’t tend to cause many problems…but when we’re dealing with more challenging emotions, it can be of huge benefit to be abel to bridge the gap between the masculine and feminine.

Because men and people who are masculine at core don’t have the same experience of emotions that feminine people do, they don’t have a frame of reference in how to deal with it.

So often when there are challenges in relationships the feminine wants to talk, to deal with the emotions….whereas the masculine wants to take a more logical approach…find the problem and fix it.

When feeling emotional the feminine often wants to feel more connected and supported, she wants to move towards her partner, to connect more, to feel like he’s there for her.  On the flip side, the masculine often prefers to have time and space to deal with challenges, to work it through in his own mind first.

If I had a pair of shoes for every woman I’ve met or connected with who has been frustrated by her partner’s need and desire to ‘fix’, or backing away when she wants him to move in and support her, I could probably wear a different pair every day for the rest of my life and still have extras to spare…

So today I want to give you a gift…a fantastic technique which has been invaluable for me personally in my own intimate relationship, and that I know has helped many others to navigate these differences in a way that works for both parties…

 

So do you want to know more about how to deal with emotionally charged situations in your relationship?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership, you will also get access to all future weekly Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on June 1st and therefore if you would like to continue to enjoy the new weekly videos (and request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer until the end of June.

So click here to find out all about how to deal with emotionally charged situations in a way that works for both you and your relationship.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

How can you feel even more feminine in 2013?

How to feel more feminine in 2013, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo it’s finally 2013, Happy Feminine New Year!

As I mentioned in the article I wrote earlier this week the number 13 has a lot of significance to the feminine, so this is our year! 🙂

So how can you feel more feminine in 2013?

As we all know, one of the key aspects of femininity is emotional connectedness, so one way to feel more feminine in 2013 is to find a way to better connect to all of your emotions for the year ahead….because when we connect in to our emotions, it allows us to connect emotionally to others too.

A little hint for finding your feminine easier in 2013…

So recently I saw this really great idea on Facebook that inspired me for 2013…it’s an idea that I’ve adopted myself, and one that I’m sure you will find helpful for connecting to your emotional centre…and in turn connecting better to others too.  Watch the video now to find out more…

So will you give this a go to find your emotional connection and feel more feminine in the year ahead?

I really encourage you to give this a go, as I said before I’m going to be doing it for the year ahead and I look forward to swapping stories with you at the end of 2013 to see what you’ve got out of it too. I would love to see how much more feminine you feel having opened yourself up to becoming more aware of the emotional experiences you’ve had and are having every day.

So here’s to a fabulously feminine year ahead…and to our “Feel Good Jars” to help us along the way!

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Everything is perfect…but it’s OK for it to hurt at times too…

Happy SadFollowing on from last week’s newsletter article, I had an interesting conversation that prompted me to write today’s article.

The person I was speaking to had read last week’s article about the fact that “Everything is Perfect” and they asked me a very interesting question.

The conversation went something like this:

“I read your article about everything being perfect, but aren’t there times when something happens and that you just get caught up in the emotion of the moment, and you feel angry or sad even though you know you should be thinking positively?”

I am so grateful to the individual who asked this question (you know who you are)…because it occurs to me now that reading my post from last week you might think that I’m this impossibly happy and positive person who relishes every upset as an opportunity for personal growth.

…and I do believe that every upset is an opportunity for growth …eventually!

But in the moment, I feel all of the raw emotions the same as everyone else does.  It’s natural.  It’s human.  It’s the way we’re built.

Not only is it natural, but it’s necessary.

You see, if a situation comes up where you get hurt and you don’t acknowledge and honour that emotion, instead trying to move directly onto the ‘positive aspect’ of it, the emotion will stay with you.

It might be buried or ignored for a bit, but sooner or later it will pop up again and say hello…or a greeting that is much less friendly!

I’ve had an experience this week that has really reminded me of this.

Over the weekend I was relying on a very good friend of mine to complete some crucial work for a part of my business.  There was a deadline that couldn’t be moved and it was fundamental to a project I was working on.

I had offered to find an alternative solution last week if it wasn’t going to be possible to complete it and less than 24 hours before the deadline I received confirmation that it was in progress and it would be done.

So when said friend dropped off the radar with no communication and no warning that it would not be completed at all, I was completely shocked.

The deadline came and went with no word, and the work was not completed.  At the last minute I had to find an alternative solution myself so as not to let down people who were relying on me.

In that moment, and for several moments after it, there was a lot of emotion.

It was raw.

It was intense.

It was overwhelming.

I felt hurt, let down, angry, disappointed…and a whole lot more too.

I reached out to friends.  I vented.  I cried.  I allowed myself to feel it all completely.

Because once it had been felt…it was possible to release it and let it go.

…and it was also possible to see the gift in it.

I got to prove to myself that when I’m in a difficult situation and the pressure is on, I am able to find a solution.

Also, there have been several occasions in the last few months where I’ve been presented with opportunities to show compassion to, and actively help, people who have hurt me.  This was another one of those opportunities.

Not making what they’ve done OK, or ignoring it.  Acknowledging, expressing and facing how they have made me feel, but still choosing to show compassion for them in spite of that.

Because as hurt as I had been by it, I know that the intention had always been to help.  …and as disappointed as I was to be let down by a good friend, I knew that they weren’t a bad person…they’d just made choices that had led to a situation that caused me to feel bad.

I found a quote that really summed the situation up “Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting someone’s apology, it means understanding fully that a person made a mistake but is worthy of a second chance” ~ faithlovestoreblog.

But as much as there was a ‘silver lining’, it was just as important for me to acknowledge, feel and experience the intense feelings as and when they came up, as it was to eventually see the gift in the situation.

…and when in that moment of feeling and experiencing those intense emotions the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to allow yourself to be with it, feel it…but avoid reacting from that place.

Let the intensity of the emotions release before you act and you can then choose to respond rather than react.

As you know, one of the core aspects of femininity is to be emotionally connected…so in order to really embrace our feminine we need to also embrace, embody and experience our emotions in order that they can freely flow into and out of us.

That way we can honour them, without holding onto them…and we can then eventually see the gift.

Stay fabulous,

Claire x

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Emotions in Business – Day 30 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 30 of the Youtube challenge!

Over the last few years women have got the message that emotions and business don’t mix. We’ve been told to ‘check our emotions at the door’ and ‘don’t get emotional’. While at times these are helpful pieces of advice, on the whole I have to say that I disagree. Would you like to know why emotions are key to the success of your business? Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you made the most of the emotions which will help your business succeed? What difference do you think that harnessing these positive emotions would have on the success of your business?

Today is due to be the last day of the 30 day YouTube challenge, but be sure to subscribe to the Feminine 1st Youtube Channel, because tomorrow I will be uploading an extra BONUS video that you won’t want to miss! Subscribe here now: http://www.youtube.com/feminine1st

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to harness and utilise the emotions which will move your business forward, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Intuition” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-29/

surviving christmas the feminine way

Top 10 tips for surviving Christmas the feminine way – Part Two

surviving christmas the feminine waySo on Monday we started to look at the 10 top tips for surviving Christmas the feminine way…or as I like to think of it, 10 tips for a fabulously feminine festive season! 🙂

We looked at making time for you, preparing, not trying to do everything, rehydrating and smiling as our starter…and now we’re moving onto our main course (complete with roast potatoes and all the trimmings!) and dessert…

6. The four Rs – Rest, Relax, Recharge and Reward!

When time gets short, us ladies sometimes decide that to create more of it we will simply stay up later, get up earlier or worse…both! When you have a lot to do, it’s even more important to make sure that you get plenty of rest to ensure that you have the energy to do what you want to do during the day. Making sure that you get enough sleep is crucial to you being able to enjoy the Christmas season. Also, take some time during the day to have a bit of a break. Make sure that you take at least 15 minutes every couple of hours to just sit, relax and recharge your batteries before doing something else.

In addition, be sure to acknowledge and reward yourself when you’ve done something or ticked a job off your list. It’s important to appreciate just how much you are doing and take a moment to give yourself a pat on the back (or a little treat) to congratulate yourself before you move onto the next. Those little moments are a perfect chance to stop and have a little relax to reward yourself for a job well done (and smile to get that boost of feel good chemicals and enjoy the process!)

7. Create your own Christmas magic

Now this is not something that I’ve ever struggled with, but sometimes being an adult can take some of the fun out of Christmas. The money, the pressure to get the perfect presents bought, wrapped and delivered in time, getting all the food (and trying not to consume too much of it!)…it can create a lot of stress and take a lot of effort. So the best way to keep connected with your femininity over the festive season is to reconnect with your inner child. Bring back the fun, playful elements that you loved from Christmas when you were younger. Take time every day to indulge this side of you. Be a big kid, take time to laugh, dance, tell silly jokes, throw a snowball…or even better build a snowman or snow angels. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I revert to a virtual 5 year old, every time the topic of Christmas comes up, and come December 25th grown up tendencies are nowhere to be seen…as is demonstrated with our family’s annual ‘snowball’ fight with balled up pieces of discarded wrapping paper! So find something that will feed your inner child (and I don’t mean mince pies!) and let them have a bit of fun! 😀

8. Fresh Air

It’s all too easy over Christmas to enter the “Christmas bubble” at whatever location you are celebrating on December 24th and not see the outside world again until the 27th or beyond. We get into that warm space that’s filled with presents, wine, food, wine, celebrations, wine (…you get the idea!) and it’s easy to forget for a couple of days that the outside world exists. This can sometimes be a good thing. Sometimes it can be a little bit too much for us…especially when you add hyperactive children and family members into the mix. Emotions run high in the holiday season, both positive and negative, and when you add into the mix an excess of food and drink it can sometimes lead to a little bit of overwhelm. In order to break this pattern and step out of the bubble (for the sake of sanity, and staying connected to your feminine!) remember to take the time to get a little fresh air every now and again. You could nip out for a short walk, or even just step out into the garden for a few minutes (with a scarf and appropriate attire) to get a little head space, to breathe and just enjoy the fresh air for a bit.

9. Be present

When I say be present, I don’t mean to cover yourself up in reels of wrapping paper, topping off with a big bow and a label saying “Love Santa”. This is all about actually taking the time to stop and enjoy the moment that you are in. Being present to what is happening around you. Taking it all in and appreciating it. So many of us have a continuous dialogue in our heads of “30 minutes till the potatoes need to go on, still have to peel the carrots, oh and where did I put those crackers for the table…etc..etc..” or something to that effect. With all of that distracting our mind, is it any wonder that boxing day arrives and Christmas seems to have passed in a blur, with all of the details seeming a bit fuzzy around the edges? Now, while one too many festive drinkies could be partially to blame for the lack of festive recollection and the day seeming to disappear in the blink of an eye, it’s not the whole story. Not being present in the moment is a major factor in us actually missing the best of the big day, because we are focusing on what we have done / haven’t done / should have done / should be doing / need to do next. So remember on the big day to recognise the moments which you would like to really appreciate, be present in and remember long into the New Year. When you find them to bring yourself completely into the moment to enjoy them, put the voices in your head on mute (just for a short while, you can un-mute them later if you want to). At these moments focus on your senses, hear everything that is being said, see all the vivid colours and facial expressions of those around you, focus on how you feel and take a little mental picture of the moment that you can bring to mind any time you like….you’ll have a full album by the New Year! 🙂

10. Gratitude

As any of you who read my “Attitude of Gratitude” blog post recently will know, gratitude is they key to neutralising negative emotions virtually instantly. It is physically impossible to feel fear and gratitude simultaneously. Likewise, it’s impossible to feel anger and gratitude at the same time. The same goes for unhappiness. Gratitude is so powerful, and is something that we need to make an integral part of our Christmas celebrations. We all have so much to be thankful for, regardless of our individual circumstances. There is always someone who would wish to be in our shoes for one reason or another (and no, not just because they’re a beautiful pair of festive heels!) If the belts are a little tight this Christmas, remember that half of the world, over 3 Billion people live on less than $2 a day. If you get caught with the winter sniffles this year, remember the health problems that others are suffering which are so much worse. If you have a family spat…think of those people who would give anything to have their family member back with them for one more Christmas. You always have something to be grateful for…health, friends, family, the ability to smile…the list is unlimited.

So take a moment, or several, this Christmas to feel grateful for all of the wonderful things in your life that you are thankful for.

…and if you feel moved to do so, you could do something which someone else could be grateful for. You could donate to a charity, you could do something kind for a stranger, it doesn’t have to be anything big or cost any money…just doing something nice for someone else because you can. If the person who you do this for would like to pay you back…just ask them to “Pay it Forward” and do something nice for someone else. The Pay It Forward Day website has loads of ideas for things that you can do for others http://payitforwardday.com/ – get creative this Christmas and spread the Gratitude!

So there you have it, our 10 top tips for a fabulously feminine festive season. I wish each and every one of you a Christmas season full of fun, laughter and love.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x