Over the last few weeks I’ve been hearing the same comment on a regular basis….”you’re dealing with your breakup really well”.
Sometimes it’s said with surprise, sometimes it’s said with an element of hope…at other times with a slight hint of dismay.
At a lunch meeting a while back, a colleague mentioned to me that I was one of these women who seemed to always have it together…and she wondered if I ever have days where things just get too much.
Well, I do 🙂
I’m just like everyone else in that sense.
So today I thought I would share about one of my more ‘challenging days’…so that you can see that I have them, just like everyone else.
As you know, a couple of months ago I went through a difficult breakup when the boyfriend I was living with left unexpectedly the night before Valentine’s Day.
I shared a bit about my experience on my blog to help other women who might be going through a similar situation.
Unfortunately it was never going to be an easy split because he was involved in some technical aspects of my business…so as much as it would have been easier at that point to have had a completely clean break with no contact (at least for a while until the wounds begin to heal), this wasn’t the reality of my situation.
Over the past month or two we have had to stay in touch to try and work out the details and come to a conclusion about how things will be resolved, including a few financial issues.
So it has been challenging, but all in all, I’ve been doing pretty well. There have been good days, and bad days, but I’ve followed my own advice and felt whatever emotions have come up in order to begin to release them. I’ve had some health problems along the way, but generally I was doing OK.
…until last Tuesday.
Now, I love social media…it’s a great way to stay in touch with my many friends across the world, but there are times (like this) where I really wish that we weren’t so connected.
On Tuesday I had a phone call from a friend.
Unfortunately due to a problem with my friend’s phone I wasn’t able to have a proper conversation with her….I could hear her, but she couldn’t hear me…so I just had to listen, sat on my own in a venue in London.
She told me that few days before, through the magic of Facebook, it was announced that my ex was on holiday with his new girlfriend.
I felt a rush of emotions all at once….hurt, angry, betrayed, used,…you name it, I felt it.
I completely fell apart.
The challenge with this was that I got this information literally minutes before a meeting in London that I was supposed to be leading.
The women walked into the room to find me in tears.
A few years back, I would have ‘pulled myself together’, put on a brave face, and powered through.
Not on Tuesday.
On Tuesday I allowed myself to share what had happened. I was completely open, I was completely vulnerable and more importantly I allowed these amazing women to be there for me.
It didn’t stop the hurt, but it certainly did help.
What was interesting was the more I shared…the more the ladies there shared that they had had similar experiences…and it helped to know that there were others who had been where I was in that moment.
That completely honest connection with another person where you understand each other’s pain, you’ve walked in each other’s shoes, creates a bond. It gives a real sense of understanding, strength and hope.
So I’m sharing this today for one reason. I know that there are other women out there, perhaps you’re one of them, who are going through a situation like this.
It’s OK that it hurts. It’s OK that it’s painful. It’s OK that you don’t always have it together. It’s OK to sometimes have a hard time dealing with things. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK if you need to fall apart for a little while. It’s OK to lean on others….even if you’re supposed to be doing the leading.
None of us are perfect…myself included.
So the next time you have a moment when it just gets too much…give yourself permission to lean on the people around you.
You do so much for them, that it’s good for them to have the gift of giving back to you…especially at the times when you need it the most.