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Happy Birthday

A celebration, a gift for you, and a confession (and apology) from me…

Happy BirthdayI am SO excited…because this week we have a TRIPLE celebration here at Feminine 1st.  It is Feminine 1st’s second birthday, this week was our 100th newsletter AND  we welcomed our 1,000th member to the Family.

So this is a VERY special newsletter, where I will be sharing some VERY special gifts with you.

Rather than sharing my usual article with you, today I’m going to share with you the best and most popular articles from the last two years.  These are the articles that fit into one of the following categories:

  • The most requested articles
  • The articles that got the biggest response from you
  • The pieces that have been labeled by some of you as our ‘Must-read’s
  • …and my personal favourites!

As we all know, us women have many many different facets to us, and the Feminine 1st website was created to be able to speak to and support women in all of the different areas of our lives.
So the articles I’m sharing below cover the full range of the aspects of a woman’s life that we cover on the Feminine 1st website.

BUT before I share our “Best of the best” articles, I have a confession to make.

As you may remember from last week’s newsletter, last weekend I was speaking on stage at a very special event here in London, the Time to Shine Conference.

It was a wonderful event, the feedback from my talk was amazing and I met some incredible people.

But when I got back home on Monday, I had a very uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I had a problem.

I had been contacted by a lot of people who wanted to be at the event, but for logistical reasons couldn’t be there…and they didn’t want to miss out on seeing my talk.

Moral DilemmaAlso, at the event I shared an incredible special offer, sharing something I have NEVER offered before, and intended to never offer again, which gave me a bit of a moral dilemma. 

The feedback about the offer was great.  People loved the fact that it was accessible and affordable, and they said how refreshing it was not to be expected to pay thousands of pounds to begin working with someone and get to know if they are the right person to be working with.

But when I got home on Monday morning I realised something.

Out of the 1000+ members that I have on my website, the vast majority of you do not live in London…or even in the UK.  The majority of you actually live thousands of miles away…so as much as you might have wanted to join us at the conference (and I’ve had many messages saying how much people wished they could attend, but couldn’t get there)…it wouldn’t have been possible.

I also realised that I didn’t want to penalise you for not being able to attend the conference here in London…and I wanted to be able to thank you for your loyalty in becoming a Feminine 1st follower from wherever you are in the world.

I wanted to be able to share with you the fantastic content I gave at the Time to Shine conference and extend the offer I made there to you as well…

That put me in a very difficult position…because authenticity and congruency are two of my most important values…I don’t say something if I don’t mean it.

…and I’d said I wasn’t planning on making this offer again outside of the conference.

So I sat and stewed on it for a while, wondering what to do for the best.

…and I finally came to a decision.

I needed to be congruent, so as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t offer the exact same deal that I did at the weekend.

GiftBut I also wanted to be able to give you an amazing offer to say thank you for your loyalty as a Feminine 1st supporter.

So I have changed the offer slightly from the weekend…but still managed to create amazing value for you as a thank you for being here on this journey with me.

So for the next week only I am offering for you to watch the talk I gave at the Time to Shine Conference by clicking here AND on that page there is a very special Happy Birthday Feminine 1st offer created just for you…the likes of which you have never seen from me before.

…AND even if you’re not interested in the special Happy Birthday offer, you can see my talk on “Relationships are the Key to Shining in Life” by clicking this link now and watching the video.

Feminine 1st…our very best articles…so far…!

Where it all began: Femininity – So what’s in it for me?

So what’s so important about Femininity? Why should we care? We’ve been proving to everyone out there, men and women alike, that we can do anything and everything that the boys can do (often quicker and better!) for decades now…so what’s the big deal? I mean, we’ve still got our heels and handbags, and that’s what matters….right? So who cares if we’ve lost a bit of our femininity along the way?

Well, the answer is (unfortunately)…we do. We just don’t necessarily realise it.…READ MORE

Femininity: The $64,000 Question…What IS Femininity?

Well having established why femininity is important, in order to explain what it is, let’s start with what it isn’t, there are so many misperceptions about what the word femininity actually means, and I think it’s important that we address these up front.  Over the last couple of decades, the word feminine (unless referring to the latest Ralph Lauren line) hasn’t always been seen as the most flattering description for a woman.  This summer when Susan Walsh suggested that women “try on” femininity for a short while to see how it fitted, one woman remarked that she saw being described as the most feminine member of staff at her place of work insulting as she believed that feminine = weak and that it meant that she wasn’t being taken seriously.…READ MORE

How to be more feminine: Would you like to know how to be more feminine?

Quite some time ago I wrote an article defining feminine and femininity…but defining it and knowing how to be more feminine are two very different things.
One of the first questions that a lot of women ask me is quite simply, “How can I be more feminine?”.  One of the challenges with answering this question is that it assumes (in asking) that you aren’t already feminine enough.  So my first response if you’re asking this question is, “Why do you want to learn how to be more feminine?”.…READ MORE

Masculinity: What is masculinity?

Having shared my definition of Femininity some time ago…I thought it was about time I also shared my definition of Masculinity.
So which is better, masculinity or femininity? The important thing to point out when talking about masculinity and femininity is that neither one is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than the other – they’re just different. Polar opposites. Yin and Yang.
Trying to determine which is better is like asking which are better, Manolos or Choos…neither is any better or worse than the other…just different 
The other thing to remember is that every single one of us has both masculinity and femininity inside us. At our core we will feel more comfortable with one of these energies than the other, but they are both there, and they are both helpful to us in different situations.
I’m often asked where the name ‘Feminine 1st’ came from and what it means. It is simply a reminder for women who are more naturally feminine to be “Feminine 1st” and then to utilise the masculine traits that they have as and when it is appropriate for them..…READ MORE

Relationships: Have you ever had a 69?

I’m imagining that when you first saw the title of today’s post, you probably did a bit of a double take. I can imagine you saying to yourself “I didn’t know Feminine 1st was THAT kind of site!”
So it’s a controversial title…and for good reason.
You see, today’s post is essential reading for anyone…whether you’re feminine, masculine, male, female, old young…it doesn’t matter……READ MORE

Body Image: Do you recognise your own beauty? I didn’t…

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? When you see photographs of yourself, what do you notice? Do you see yourself as you are? Or do you see what you believe is there?
The reason that I’m asking this is that for many many years I didn’t see what was there. I saw what I thought was there.
You see, when I was much younger I got some very fixed ideas about my appearance……READ MORE

Life as a Woman: No thanks, I’m fine.

How many times a day / week / month do you say this sentence, or a variation of it?
It’s ok.
I’m fine.
I’ll manage.
It’ll be alright.
We spend our lives telling everyone else that we don’t need any help, assistance, guidance or support.
Often, when someone offers to help, the words of dismissal leave our lips almost before the suggestion has been made in full..…READ MORE

Emotions: How to deal with Heartbreak…

A question that I get asked on a regular basis is “How do I deal with a broken heart and still stay in my feminine?”
As we know, being feminine is about being open and embracing the ability to be vulnerable. So I’m going to be completely open about my current personal situation…
As you may or may not know, unfortunately I have recently experienced heartbreak first-hand.
I won’t go into details, except to say that a few weeks ago my partner took the decision to leave. …leaving me to deal with a broken heart..…READ MORE

Friendship: How do you find the women who will become your soul sisters?

So last week I shared an article about the importance of sisterhood for women like us, and how to understand the difference between acquaintances, friendship and sisterhood. Understanding the importance, value and power of these kinds of relationships with other women is something that has dramatically changed my life.
But understanding that you want these kinds of relationships with other women doesn’t mean that they’re magically going to appear. Or…does it?.…READ MORE

Business / Work: Can feminine women ‘bring home the bacon’?

I love that my readers inspire me so much.
Today’s post is written in direct response to a message that I was sent in the last couple of weeks from someone who is a single mum. Being a single mum, she is struggling a bit with the concept of femininity, especially in relation to being the sole breadwinner in her household.
Now, the single mum topic is a whole separate conversation (and one that I will talk about another day)…but the question of whether it is possible for a feminine woman to also be a breadwinner is one which comes up quite regularly….…READ MORE

So all that remains for me to say is THANK YOU. 

Thank you for being a part of the Feminine 1st journey, thank you for all the support I’ve received over the last 2 years, thank you for being here for our 100th newsletter. It means more to me than I can possibly express.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

FEMININE - N - NURTURING - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

Aspects of the feminine…Are you in touch with your nurturing side?…

FEMININE - N - NURTURING - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo we’ve now passed the half way point on our deep dive into the different aspects of the Feminine…

We’ve looked at Flow, Emotional Connection, Magic, and Inspiration…and today we look at the first N…Nurturing.

Nurturing is fundamental to the feminine…but quite often it’s not a quality that a lot of women connect with or relate too..mainly because nurturing has a bit of a bad rap.

When people think about nurturing they tend to bring to mind a fussy mother trying to take over or baby someone…but real nurturing is nothing like that.

We’re born to be nurturing…

As women we’re designed to nurture…our bodies are physically designed for it.

We are built to be able to nurture a few little cells into a full formed human being…which is nothing short of remarkable…and something that a lot of younger women tend to forget.

So if we’re designed to be nurturing…what does it really entail?

So what does nurturing really mean?

As I said, the default image that comes to mind for lots of people is an overbearing mother interfering with her children’s lives…but nurturing has nothing to do with control at all.

It’s all about supporting growth.

It’s about creating the environment in which something, or someone will flourish.

…and there’s one element of nurturing that most people forget about entirely.

So today I want to share with you two different aspects of nurturing, and some suggestions for how you can bring both of them into your life…

 

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can you bring BOTH aspects of nurturing into your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to bring both aspects of nurturing into your life!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

What chance my experience of heartbreak forever?

What changed my experience of heartbreak forever?

What chance my experience of heartbreak forever?So last week I gave you the first of my answers to the question “Why does heartbreak hurt so much?”

The second answer that came to me when I asked the question “Why does heartbreak hurt so much?” tends to apply more when you feel like the decision to end the relationship has been completely out of your hands.

When this happens, we feel like the victim. We feel out of control. We feel ‘wronged’. We feel like this is something that has been done ‘to’ us.

…and when we’re in this place of feeling like it has been done ‘to’ us, the lack of choice, the lack of control makes it even harder to process.

We’ve been forced into this situation of having to deal with these emotions without any choice, any say, and (often it feels like) no consideration.

What I have to say now might be difficult to hear if you’re currently going through heartbreak.

I know, because I’ve been there, and it was hard for me to consider at first too.

But really hearing this, really understanding it can make a huge difference to your experience…and to your future experiences too.

The path out of this feeling of being out of control, of feeling like the victim, the wronged party, is to understand and accept that it is your own choices that have brought you to this moment in time.

(Take a couple of moments to shout and swear at the screen in front of you if you’d like…that can sometimes help too! 🙂 )

This side of heartbreak can be hard to face…

I can almost hear your thoughts “What do you mean?! They’re the one who did this! It’s their fault! I did nothing wrong!” …and I know how this feels, because I’ve felt it myself.

But the reality is that the choices that you have made have led you to the point you are at now. What you’ve done and haven’t done, who you chose to date or not date, what you allowed from other people and what you didn’t allow, how you showed up and how you didn’t show up.

Now, let me be perfectly clear about this…this is not about blame.

This is not about blaming yourself for what has happened (or the other person for that matter)…it’s about understanding that you can take responsibility for your part in how the situation played out.

Whether it’s in that you prioritised your work over your relationship, or that you didn’t always bring the best ‘you’ you could to the relationship, or simply that you chose to be with someone who wasn’t willing or able to meet your needs, or whose wants and needs you weren’t willing or able to meet in return.

This is not about looking back with regret or shame…you’re at this point now because there’s something you need to learn for yourself…and without this experience the lesson wouldn’t be as powerful and wouldn’t make a difference to how you choose to live your life going forward.

Simply understanding this, simply getting to the point where you can see it, and take responsibility for your part in where you’re currently at is the point at which you can shift from feeling like a victim, to feeling empowered.

If your choices have helped create the situation you’re in right now, your choices can help to create something different in the future….they can help to create what you really want for yourself.

I’m not going to lie. This was hard for me to understand at first…and a part of me didn’t want to understand it.

It was easier to blame someone else for how I was feeling.

I didn’t want to accept that I could have done anything that could have changed the situation I was in and the way I was feeling.

I wanted to make him the ‘bad guy’ because it made me feel momentarily better about the fact I wasn’t with him anymore and I had someone to blame for the pain I was feeling.

But when I really took a moment to honestly look at it, I realised that I had played my part in it too.

I’d played my part in each one of my heartrbeaks

Every heartbreak was different, and my part in it had been different too.

There were some in which I’d simply chosen a person that I was fundamentally incompatible with. They didn’t have the capacity to be the man that I wanted to be with long-term.

There were others where I simply wasn’t giving him what he deserved, because I’d not been ‘getting it’ from them first.

There were others where I’d held back for fear of getting hurt, and in doing so I never gave the relationship a chance to see what it could really be.

There were others where I ignored warning signs of dishonesty and just ‘hoped’ that it would get better.

The list goes on. I had to accept that I had a part in the every one of those relationships coming to an end (even if that part was just in starting the relationship in the first place!)

…and here is the part where the power lies.

The gift in heartbreak…

Because if you can see how your choices have helped create the situation you are currently in, you can choose (if you want to) to make different choices in the future.

The awareness that this brings is the key to finding the gift that I mentioned in my earlier article…because the gift is the learning. The gift is being able to understand yourself better, understand what you want in the future, and grow in a way that will enable you to have it.

To make new choices that will empower you and that will create a different outcome, and that will get you close to the life and relationship that you desire and deserve.

…and as a last note, I’ll say this:

This is a very powerful part of the experience of heartbreak. It is also something that needs to happen at the right time. This is part of the ‘acceptance’ stage of the 5 stages of grief that I mentioned in my last article.

Trying to go through this process when you’re still deep in anger, or denial or bargaining, or depression is likely to make you feel worse, not better…because it will be used as a tool to enhance your current stage. You’ll feel more angry (normally at yourself!) if you try and do this from the anger stage…or feel more depressed about the situation if you do it during the depression stage.

It’s a very important process to go through, but you will only get the real benefit of it if it’s done at the right time.

During my last heartbreak I remember ranting to a friend and shouting, “I know this is all happening for a reason, and I know that there will be a gift in it eventually, but right now it just sucks…and I just want to be with the fact that it sucks, because that’s all I have the capacity for right now!!!”

So be gentle with yourself…allow yourself to experience all the stages of grief and all of the emotions that come up fully and in your own time.

…and then when you’re ready (and not a moment sooner!) take yourself through this process to find the gift for you.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Aspects of the FEMININE - I - Inspiration - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

Aspects of the feminine…What’s your inspiration?

Aspects of the FEMININE - I - Inspiration - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stIt’s time to take another step deeper into the aspects of the feminine…and at the end of this video we’ll be halfway there along our journey!

It’s so important for you as a feminine woman to be able to really get to know the different aspects of the feminine, and to understand what they mean for you personally.

…and I’m really curious to hear how you’ve found the different aspects of the feminine that we’ve spoken about so far, and the difference that getting to know them better is having for you.

So please do get in touch and let me know about your experiences.

What’s your inspiration?

Inspiration, as we know, means different things to different people.

Some find inspiration in other people, others in nature, some in a piece of music, others in a game of sport.

But the great thing is, that although we do it in different ways EVERYONE has the ability to become inspired.

The power of inspiration…

…and when we tap into what inspires us, it’s like connecting into the mains.

We feel lit up.

We feel energised.

We feel alive.

We feel motivated.

It completely changes us.

When it comes to femininity though, there are two different perspectives on inspiration…and as a feminine woman it’s really important to understand them both.

So today I’m going to share with you a little more about them, and how you can bring both of them into your life…

 

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can you bring BOTH aspects of inspiration into your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to bring both aspects of inspiration into your life!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Heartbreak

Why does heartbreak hurt so much?

HeartbreakLast week I shared an article to answer the question “Does a broken heart ever heal or are we just left with the scars”, and I was very touched by the reaction the piece received.

A lot of people shared how the article had come at the perfect time for them, because they were dealing with heartbreak themselves, and it gave them another perspective to look at it from.

When I started hearing this, it took me back to some of my own personal experiences of heartbreak.

If a relationship has ended, at some level it wasn’t working. If you’re truly honest with yourself, I’m sure you don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re unhappy and unfulfilled or in a relationship where the other person is unhappy or unfulfilled, for whatever reason, because we know deep in our hearts that neither of those scenarios make for a good relationship in the long term. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting….and hurting deeply.

I know. I’ve experienced it first-hand many times.

…and I can vividly recall the times where I’ve felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world.

My experience with heartbreak…

Those moments in time where it felt like an effort just to keep breathing in and out.

The pain, the sadness, the numbness, the confusion, the fear…the complete and total overwhelm of experiencing so many emotions and thoughts at the same time, and not being able to make sense of any of them.

Mind and heart reeling, with no way out, only through.

When I brought these moments of my life to mind, I started to think about heartbreak, and why it hurts so much. As soon as I asked this question, two answers came to me.

The first you’ll no doubt have heard before. The second may be a bit of a surprise…

So why does heartbreak hurt so much?

So the first answer that came to me is that we’re experiencing a loss, which brings with it a sense of grief.

Whether a relationship has come to an end because we’ve chosen to end it, because someone else has chosen to end it, or because it’s been mutually decided that it’s for the best, we are still losing something.

We may not be grieving for the relationship as it was, but instead for the relationship that we thought it was going to be, the relationship it had the potential to be, or the relationship we wanted it to be.

It might seem strange to be grieving for something that you’ve never actually had…but losing the POSSIBILITY of something, is still a loss, and we still experience a sense of grief when the possibility appears to be no more.

We miss the other person…or maybe we don’t, maybe we miss who they used to be, who we thought they were, or who we thought they would become.

Whatever it is that we’re losing, whether it’s was something we had, something we thought we had, or something we thought we were going to have, it’s important to honour the fact that we will experience a sense of grief when the loss becomes a reality.

Most people have heard of the 5 stages of grief (or the Kübler-Ross model) where you go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance…but what most people don’t know is that the best way through all the stages, is to fully experience each stage, feel complete with it and then transition through to the next stage…in the timeframe that is right for you.

Do you allow yourself to ‘go through’ heartbreak?

When it comes to heartbreak though, a lot of people don’t allow themselves to go through this grieving process fully…they expect to just ‘feel better’ at some point, get told to snap out of it by someone trying to ‘help’, or distract themselves from really experiencing the feeling because it’s uncomfortable (whether that’s through alcohol, TV, another relationship or any other way to avoid the feelings)…and therefore get ‘stuck’ in one stage.

As I’ve said before, when you’re in this kind of emotional experience, the best way out of it really is through it…allowing yourself to fully feel each aspect of what you’re experiencing in order that you can then release it.

So if you’re in it right now, start to notice where you might be wanting to avoid or distract yourself from how you’re really feeling…because that in itself can be keeping you ‘in it’ and preventing you from moving through it to the other side.

The second answer that came to me when I asked the question “Why does heartbreak hurt so much?” hit me hard.

Because it was probably one of the hardest things for me to understand and begin to accept about my own experiences with heartbreak…and it was also the single, most powerful realisation that transformed my experience with heartbreak forever.

So join me again next week where I will be sharing the insight that changed how I experience heartbreak…and which helped me reach the point where, as I shared last week, I began to eventually be able to see each one as a gift.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Aspects of the FEMININE - M - Magic - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

Aspects of the feminine…It’s all about magic…

Aspects of the FEMININE - M - Magic - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo our journey deeper into the aspects of the feminine continues this week, with an element that is so often forgotten.

Life as an adult woman can get a bit tough…we have a lot to do, we tend to feel overwhelmed and under pressure.

We have so many hats that we’re trying to wear and so many people that we’re trying to please that it can all get a bit much.

Life get’s very serious and we’re constantly in our heads trying to manage it all and keep on top of everything.

What’s magic got to do with it?

When we get serious…life gets a lot less fun.

Our focus on deadlines, to-do lists and ‘checking things off’ can make things feel a little ‘all work and no play’.

Getting into a masculine mode of ‘do’, achieve, get the result can have a huge affect on how we feel.

It feels heavy, it feels like ‘hard work’…it’s not very enjoyable.

Where’s the magic gone?

When we talk about magic, we’re not talking about Harry Potter, or Siegfried and Roy…

We’re talking about the playfulness that is so fundamental to the feminine.

The lightness, the childlike element that so many of us forget in our adult lives.

So today we look at how we can bring it back…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how do you bring the magic back?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to bring the magic back for you!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Aspects of the feminine…diving deeper into emotional connection…

Aspects of the feminine...diving deeper into emotional connection... - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo having begun to deep dive into the aspects of the feminine last week with the F of F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E. looking at flow and how to can introduce the two aspects of flow into our lives…this week we get to look at one of my favourite aspects.

Today we’re looking deeper at the first E of the FEMININE acronym, Emotional Connection.

 

The feminine connection to emotion

Unlike the masculine, whose default position is the mind and logic, the feminine’s default position is that of the heart and emotion.

That’s not to say that either side doesn’t have an appreciation for or an ability to tap into the other’s ‘home base’, it’s just that when all things are equal and we’re being true to our core nature, this is the place that we go to first.

By better understanding the concept of emotional connection and what it means to the feminine, we can begin to explore and understand what it will mean for us personally to embody and express it.  As we know our femininity is unique to us…and so is our expression of emotional connection.

Connecting with your feminine through emotion

When we can begin to really understand and embody emotional connection, we naturally feel more feminine as a result, so today’s video is all about helping you to understand emotional connection better, and giving some suggestions for how you can start to experience more of it.

…and as with the aspect of Flow though, there are actually to elements to the feminine aspect of emotional connection, one of which you may not have considered much up to this point….

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can you begin to feel more emotional connection in your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to feel more emotional connection in your life

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Does a broken heart ever mend, or do we just end up living with the scars of heartbreak?

Does a broken heart ever mend or do we just get left with the scars of heartbreak?Heartbreak.

Unfortunately most of us will have experienced this at some point in our lives.

That agonising pain that comes with the end of a relationship, when it feels like you’re the only person in the whole world feeling like your heart has been torn in two.

The desire to eat every comfort food consumable to try and feel the empty hole in your heart.

Wanting to forget.

Wanting to remember.

Wanting to talk.

Wanting to not have to talk.

Feeling like your whole world is crumbling around you.

Not wanting to be alone and yet not knowing how to be around others.

Wondering if the pain will ever subside.

Thinking that you will never be the same again.

Feeling like you’ll never want to put yourself out there again, because you don’t feel like you could take going through this again.

That awful time when just remembering to keep breathing in and out feels like an effort.

I know, from personal experience, the pain of heartbreak

Heartbreak and I are old friends…we’ve spent many a day and sleepless night together.

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Every time I’m in it I always say the same thing “I just wish it was 6 months from now”.

Why?

Because I know I’ll get through it, I always do. But I also know that in order to get through it I need to be in it. I need to feel it. I need to feel it all.

…and that isn’t easy, in fact it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to deal with.

So when someone reaches out asking for help with heartbreak, my heart goes out to them. Because I know where they are. I’ve been there, many times.

This week I saw a question “Does a broken heart ever mend, or do we just end up living with the scars?”…and I felt moved to respond to it in a very personal way.

…and today I want to share that response with you, because I know from the messages and comments I receive that it might be relevant to you too.

So, my personal story of heartbreak…

My sister has been what most people would consider very “lucky in love”. Her first long-term boyfriend turned out to be the man who she fell in love with, married and now very happily has a little boy with.

Her husband is wonderful and I’m so pleased that they found each other and have created their lovely life together. As a result, she’s been ‘lucky’ enough to never have really experienced ‘heartbreak’ as you and I might know it.

On the other hand as you may know from my previous articles, I have experienced many heartbreaks during my lifetime.

There is a part of me that at times in my life has been slightly envious of my sister’s experience. Because she never experienced heartbreak, she in some ways kept the innocence and naivety that comes with first love. She never had that part of her life ‘tainted’ in any way by a negative experience. Being that she’s my sister, I am grateful that she’s never been through this.

However, as much as I wouldn’t wish the heartbreaks that I’ve been through on anyone, much less my sister, I know that because of the experiences I’ve had my life, I am a changed person…and every one of those changes in me has been for the better (in the long term).

My life has been richer for walking the path I have, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have grown in ways I know I wouldn’t have without those experiences. Each one has tested my emotional resilience in ways I couldn’t have imagined…and yet each one has brought with it such a gift of growth and personal learning too. It has made me the woman I am today. I have a depth of compassion, of self-knowing, of emotional experience, of love as a result of it.

I appreciate love in a way I wouldn’t have done, had I not lost it at times along the way.

My heart has been changed for those experiences.

Some might say that it’s been scarred by them…but as with scar tissue in the body…those parts of my heart are actually stronger for it.

Remembering those ‘scars’, the heartbreaks, the experiences I’ve gone through, the pain I’ve felt, helps me to continue to choose every day the woman I want to be. It’s helped me learn what I want for my life, what I will and won’t accept (both for me and by me), and it helps me to be the best woman I can be for myself and the man in my life every day.

As a result of these moments in my life I don’t take love or life for granted, which sometimes people who haven’t experienced them can.

My experience is that in time (with a compassionate approach of truly processing the emotion and the experience), the pain subsides, the wounds heal, the lessons are learned and we move on into our next chapter forever changed.

That change can be our greatest gift if we allow it to be.

Heartbreak has been a real gift to me

…and this is why I describe heartbreak and I as old friends, because that’s what we are. Though our relationship has never been easy, it’s brought me more than I could have ever imagined.

Without the heartbreaks in my life, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, doing the work I do, helping people around the world to create deep, mutually fulfilling relationships.

But most importantly I don’t believe I would have had the experience that I personally needed to be able to create the level of connection, communication and compassion that I have in my two most important current relationships – the one with myself, and the one with my partner.

I wouldn’t change any of the heartbreaks I’ve experienced in my life for anything.

Although I experienced terrible pain through every single one of them…I am truly grateful from the bottom of my heart for each one of them and the gifts that I eventually allowed them to bring me.

In Japan there is a practice called “Kintsukuroi” which means “to repair with gold”. It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver laquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

So I invite you to repair any ‘cracks’ you may feel as a result of your heartbreak with gold, or silver, or another gift that is valuable to you, and begin to see the beauty in them too.

Stay fabulous,

Claire x

Would you like to learn more about the aspects of the feminine? We’re starting with flow…

Would you like to learn more about the aspects of the feminine? We're starting with flow… - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stI’m really excited this week, because this week we’re starting to deep dive into the feminine and what it means for you.

So far we’ve looked at the different aspects of the feminine from a birds-eye view, and today we’re starting to get up close and personal.

Your unique feminine

As you know, your femininity is as unique as you are…and so in order for you to work out what your unique flavour of feminine feels like, it’s important to play with and experience the different aspects of the feminine in order to understand what your unique expression of them is.

Getting to know the aspects of the feminine better

So over the next few weeks we will be looking at each of the aspects of the feminine that I’ve shared in this and various other articles and digging down under the surface to learn more about them.

Because although our flavour of feminine is unique to us as individuals, there are 8 common aspects that every feminine woman has inside her.

I’ll also be giving you suggestions, ideas and exercises as the weeks go on for you to play with and try out in order to get to know these aspects of the feminine better and to discover what they mean to you.

So today we’re beginning with the F from F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E. and starting off with flow…one of the most important aspects to embody, and one that so many struggle with a lot…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So how can you begin to embody the aspect of flow into your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to embody the feminine aspect of flow in your life

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Are you a Girl or a Woman?

Are you a girl or a woman?When I was growing up, as I’m sure most young girls did, I aspired to me like the women I saw all around me.

I remember around the age of 7 or 8, the girls in the ‘top class’ of my primary school (you know, the ones who were aged 11) seemed so grown up. I was eager…if not desperate, to be grown up just like them.

When asked my age, I was never 6, or 7, I was 6 and a half, 7 and three quarters…those fractions of years made all the difference at that point in time…it made me seem so much more mature than those who were that huge half a year younger.

I remember at almost every stage in my life looking at women who were older than me and thinking…”wow, they’ve really got it together, they seem to have all the answers”…little did I realise that when I got to their age I would still feel like the young girl who was figuring it all out as I was going along.

Do you describe yourself as a girl or a woman?

Most of the women I know still refer to themselves (and are referred to by others) as girls.

Think about how we use the word girl… Girlfriend, out with the girls, girls night in, girly movie, the girl next-door, one of the girls.

…and in popular culture women are often referred to as girls rather than women. When doing a bit of research on this article I saw a great piece on the Forbes.com site that pointed out that “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a movie about a bad-ass woman, who’s still described as a girl…and also questions whether Robert Downey Jr would be keen to play “Iron Boy” in his next blockbuster.

I was also curious to find out that when it came to listing songs with the word ‘girl’ in the title, I found a list of nearly 380 online…but when it came to songs with the word ‘woman’ in the title, there weren’t even 60.

Even a superhero is more likely to be a girl than a woman!

…and Batman’s female counterpart? Batgirl. Superman’s female counterpart? Supergirl. Of course there is Wonder Woman, but she’s in a bit of a minority when it comes to female superheroes, they’re more likely to be ‘girls’ than ‘women’.

So what’s the difference between a girl and a woman?

Well, a girl is one of the facets of being a woman. Every woman on the planet has a girl inside her…but she also has many elements that a girl doesn’t yet possess. Women have access to a wisdom, a depth, an inner calm, a sexuality, a knowing of herself and others, a well developed relationship with her own intuition…elements that come from experience of life, that girls haven’t yet discovered.

So why is it that we’re so tied to the word ‘girl’? Well, it could be to do with today’s media-driven obsession with youth…but for me I don’t think that was the case.

For me personally, it never occurred to me that I was a woman. I still felt like a girl, thought like a girl…and at times acted like a girl too.

Being honest, I didn’t really even know what it meant to be a woman.

Do you need to reclaim the word woman?

In times gone past, and in some cultures around the world there are still traditional rites of passage to mark a girl’s transition into womanhood but in western cultures we seem to have lost touch with the importance of owning our identity as women.

It was during my journey to discover what femininity meant for me, I realised that a part of that journey was claiming and owning the word ‘woman’ for myself.

I was 30 years old…I was way past the dictionary definition of a girl…but I still didn’t see myself as a woman, and certainly wouldn’t use the word ‘woman’ to describe me.

The more I learned about the different facets of womanhood, the more I understood about what it meant to be a woman, the more I realised that one of the most important things for me to do was start to own the fact that I was, and am a woman.

So I began to start describing myself as a woman, rather than a girl. At first it felt a little odd…like putting on a new pair of shoes for the first time when they’ve not been broken in yet…you know they’re yours, and you love them, but it takes a little while before they become comfortable.

As time went on, I felt more and more comfortable describing myself as a woman…until one day I realised it wasn’t a description anymore…it was who I was. It was a part of my identity.

It was me.

The beauty of becoming a woman is that you don’t have to lose your ‘girl’ in the process (though some women unfortunately have).

When you step into womanhood you finally have access to and connect with all of these different elements of yourself…all of the elements of being a woman. You have access to the wise woman, the expressive sexual being, the playful girl, the nurturer, the sensual self, the peacemaker, the intuitive, the emotive feminine…and every other facet of the woman you are.

What’s better is that you also have a choice over what part (or parts) of yourself you choose to bring to any given situation. You can connect with any of these elements at any time, or any combination of them…which can be incredible powerful.

It’s also great when you understand that none of the elements of being a woman are more or less important than the others…it’s when you learn to use and balance them all that you really get to enjoy the full experience of being a woman.

So I’d like to ask you, are you a girl or a woman? Are you like I was? Do you see yourself as a girl, when you’re really a woman? Would you like to reclaim the word ‘woman’ for yourself?

I’d love for you to play with this idea this week, try testing the waters and see how it feels to describe yourself as a woman…does anything come up? How does it feel? I’d love for you to share your experiences in the comments below….

…and remember, girl or woman, to stay fabulous!

Claire x