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This Week’s Fabulous Friday Fellow is Wentworth Miller

FFF Wentworth MillerSometimes as women we’re so busy trying to figure our own stuff out that we forget that it’s really tough for men these days.

There aren’t many role models out there showing guys how to transition from boyhood to manhood.

Years ago there were rites of passage that were designed to help boys understand what it means to be a man.  Boys were taken by the men of the tribe to learn from other men what being a man was all about.

These days the nearest thing to a rite of passage we have is a bunch of 18 year olds going out and getting drunk together.

Not really the same thing.

In the same way as we’re struggling with what it means to be women, a lot of men are struggling with what it means to be men.

But in a lot of ways it’s harder for them.

A lot of men are wandering around with the belief that they need to figure it all out by themselves.  They must be strong, independent, have all the answers, keep it together. Talking, connecting with others and all that emotional stuff is for women, right?  That’s not what ‘real men’ do…

…actually, that’s exactly what real men do.

Most of them just haven’t been shown how.

Enter The Mankind Project. An organisation run by men, for men, to help them understand (with the support of the brotherhood around them) what it means to be a man these days.

I have a personal affinity for this organisation, as I know several men who have shared that the project has changed their lives, my partner included.  In his words “it taught me how to be a man”.

So what on earth does this have to do with Wentworth Miller?

To most people Wentworth Miller is just the gorgeous actor who played the brooding Michael Scofield in the hit series Prison Break…but as it turns out, he’s so much more…

Because Wentworth has been on his own journey over the past few years….and it’s been a tough one.

A hollywood male ‘hunk’, struggling with owning who he is in the world – a gay man.

I have spoken to many members of the LGBT community about the challenges and confusion about what it means to be a man, or a woman, when your sexuality is different to the majority of people around you.

Through his own personal journey Wentworth has gone from being full of fear and isolated, to a role model reaching out to others like him who are struggling with their own journey and taking a stand against those who deny the rights of people like him.

…and what does this have to do with the ManKind Project? Well in his words, “MKP (The ManKind Project) has quickly become one of the cornerstones of who I am and how I move through the world today.”

Watch Wentworth’s speech at the Human Rights Campaign here:

Now, on it’s own, all of the above is reason enough to make Wentworth Miller today’s Fabulous Friday Fellow.

But my real reason for choosing him is much simpler.

He’s a man, walking the same path as the rest of us…and sharing his journey so that others can understand they’re not alone.

Recently I was sent this article Wentworth wrote and shared on the ManKind Project’s website that really touched my heart.

It shows a man finding his place and way in the world.  A man of compassion and heart, learning what being a man means in day to day life.

A man who has stopped waiting for someone else to come and ‘handle things’…and instead is stepping into the kind of man that most men aspire to be, and most women would want to be with.

april 2013

by wentworth miller

i was sitting in a diner on colorado boulevard the other day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a friend (late 40s, a working mother of three), when a homeless man materialized next to us.

i say “materialized” because i had no awareness of him entering the restaurant (even though i was seated facing the door) and no awareness of him approaching our table. yet there he was. tall, thin, white, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and a filthy trucker’s cap. looking about 50 going on 80. and he wanted money.

“do you have any spare ch-” was all i heard before tuning him out and looking away, making eye-contact with my friend across the table. i felt sure we were both thinking the same thing.

“oh boy. here we go.”

before i could launch into my “sorry, buddy” speech our waitress (late 40s, tiny) was standing at our table, telling this guy to take a hike. “you can’t be in here / you shouldn’t be bothering our customers / please leave” etc.

but he didn’t leave.

instead he got into it with our waitress, pointing out the cross on her neck and gearing up for a dressing down on themes of christianity, charity, and the whole shebang. and our waitress was having none of it. “you can’t be in here / you shouldn’t be bothering our customers / please leave” she repeated, this time minus the “please.”

all the while i’m sitting there silently, wondering when it would be over, waiting for whoever was in charge to come over and handle things. i’m not sure who i was envisioning. probably the manager. who would be male. and older. and in charge.

he’d know what to do.

things are heating up now, the homeless guy and our waitress bristling, really starting to go at it, about 30 seconds from taking it to the next level. my friend across the table is very quiet. she, like me, is waiting for it to be over. for order to be restored.

and then, as i sit there witnessing two women in discomfort and a man in distress, it occurs to me – nobody’s coming over. nobody’s going to handle things.

i’m the man. i’m the one in charge.

and suddenly i’m rising from the table. i say, “let’s go outside, buddy. i’ll give you something outside.” and my tone of voice isn’t “hey, asshole” or “listen here.” it’s matterof-fact. like, “this is what’s going to happen.”

and then the homeless guy and i are walking to the door together. and then we’re through the door and out on the street. and then i open my wallet and hand him a 20- dollar bill.

and then he’s holding me.

i don’t know or remember exactly how that came to be, but all at once his arms are around me and i’m getting a full-body hug from a homeless person.

and this hug is textbook MKP. no awkward thumps. no tentative pats. no “let’s keep our groins angled out of this, okay?” he’s just holding me. and, after a beat, i’m holding him.

and this goes on for 20 seconds. 30 seconds. he’s talking into my shoulder too. i hear the words “veteran,” “oklahoma,” and “my birthday.” everything else is muffled. but i also hear “thank you, brother.” he says this three, maybe four times.

and as i watch someone walk past us and do a double-take, as i continue to inhale the scent of a man who’s spent years (decades?) on the street, i think to myself, “yes. this is my brother.”

then it was over and i was waving good-bye. i went inside the restaurant and slid back into the booth, now smelling like the homeless guy. and i wanted to weep.

and while the waitress proceeded to call me “hero” and then scold me for putting myself in “danger,” i thought about masculinity and chivalry and the need to be seen and heard and how i’m a 40-year-old man (going on 41) who’s still waiting for the guy in charge to show up.

i thought about how i would have handled the situation before starting my work with MKP six months ago, which probably would have looked like me not handling it. or like me handling it by making it worse. like me handling it by robbing another man of his dignity and the chance to connect.

and i thought about how we are all brothers. all of us.

then i looked up and noticed a man i knew from MKP, a man i’d seen just the night before while sitting in an i-group, seated with his wife across the restaurant, enjoying a nice breakfast.

brothers everywhere. all around.

The most touching part of this story for me is the piece about ‘brothers everywhere’.  I’ve recently been sharing about the concept of sisterhood and how important it is to women like us…the same is true for men, with regard to brotherhood.

But the real power comes when we realise that we can all support each other.  Brotherhood and sisterhood aren’t mutually exclusive clubs…they are exactly as they sound.  They’re family.

When we can all start looking out in the world and rather than seeing strangers, opponents and competitors…we can start seeing brothers and sisters instead, we’ll realise that in reality, we’re all on the same side.

…and when we all realise that we’re on the same side, well, what a day that’ll be.

So today I would like you to join me in acknowledging and celebrating Wentworth Miller for sharing his journey with others, and for showing that everyone, no matter who they are…regardless of how gorgeous, successful or wealthy….whether they’re gay, straight, bi or transgender….we’re all struggling to learn what it means to be a man or a woman today.  Knowing that, knowing that we’re not alone, and sharing in each other’s stories makes the journey a little easier x 

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As you know, I would love to acknowledge, honour and celebrate the women and men who have inspired you as well. So if there is someone that you believe should feature as a Fabulous Friday Female (or Fellow!), then send me an email (claire@feminine1st.com) with 3 simple details:

  • Who is your Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow? (Her / his name and location in the world)
  • Why is she / he a Fabulous Friday Female / Fellow to YOU? (How do you know her / him? What does she / he do? In what way is she / he inspiring?)
  • A photo or link to a picture of her / him online (if there is a reason that you would prefer not to include a photo, just let me know)

So help me to share with all of our lovely ladies the real women and men who inspire YOU.

…and remember, as always, to Stay Fabulous too!

Claire x

Why isn’t my man more masculine?

Why isn't my man more masculine, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stNo matter where I go in the world, I always get asked a lot of questions.

But there are some that I hear with an alarming degree of regularity.

…and there’s one that I hear more than most.

Depending on whether a woman is single or in a relationship the question varies slightly…but the gist is the same.

For single women it’s “Why can’t I find any masculine men?”

For women in relationships it’s “Why isn’t my man more masculine?”

The essence is the same, women can’t find the masculinity that they want in the men around them.

Why aren’t our men more masculine?

Well the feminist movement had a big impact.  As women stepped into the work place, and took on the roles that had been exclusively for men, men were expected to begin taking on the roles of women.

They heard over and over again “You must get in touch with your feminine side”.

They were expected to be more ‘touchy feely”, to help out around the house, to listen, to talk more, to be more like us women.

..and they did a great job at getting in touch with their feminine side…

…the bad news is that they did such a great job that they forgot what they masculine side looked like!

The word masculine became mistakenly synonymous with macho, neanderthal…even misogynistic.

Men became less and less comfortable expressing their masculinity for fear of criticism or facing yet another emasculating comment.

But do I want my man to be more masculine?

The answer is simple.  This many women asking “why isn’t my man more masculine?” indicates that’s exactly what we want.

Feminine women are craving masculinity in their men.

They truly want their men to be able to step up and be the man so that they can finally relax and be themselves.

They don’t want to have to be in control, to take all the responsibility, to be in charge all the time.

They want a partner, someone who complements them, their opposite but equal.

…so why isn’t this happening?

Today I share with you the answer…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So do you want to know more about how you can help your man to be more masculine?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership, you will also get access to all future weekly Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

The Feminine 1st Family launched fully on June 1st and therefore if you would like to continue to enjoy the new weekly videos (and request a video responding to your specific question) I am sharing a very special introductory offer until the end of June.

So click here to find out all about how to help your man be more masculine.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Why do some women avoid masculine men?

Why do some women avoid masculine men? Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stI find it interesting how strongly people can react to a simple word. As soon as you say the word masculine, some women just shut down, they’re not interested, they don’t want to know. When this happens most of the time I know exactly what’s happening…they are reacting to an image in their mind.   The perception of what masculine really is…but the reality is that they only know half the story.

So what’s the problem with masculine men?

The answer is that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with masculine men, often women just aren’t aware that there’s more than one type. It’s the same reason that some men are afraid of or resistant to reclaim their masculinity, because their perception of what that means isn’t the whole story. Last week I shared that there are two types of feminine, and it’s exactly the same with the masculine.

So why does it matter that there are two types of masculine?

Well, the reason it’s important to know that there are two types of masculine is that if you make your decision on how you feel about masculinity only seeing one (sometimes unappealing) aspect of it, it can skew your view on the whole thing. So, to help you out, today I’m sharing with you what the two types of masculine are…and why it’s important to be able to identify them…

So which type of masculine have you experienced?

As with the feminine, there are times when a man is feeling low, criticised, or like he’s failing where he may drop into the disempowered masculine…but it’s important to know whether he lives there or just visits from time to time when his energy is low.

So I’m curious…what type of masculine have you experienced?

Have you seen both in action?  Can you bring to mind examples of times when you’ve seen one or the other in a man you know?

…and most importantly which do you want to support your man in being?

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Did you miss the Q&A Webinar on Femininity, Masculinity, Polarity, Dating & Relationships?

 The full recording of the Q&A webinar on Femininity, Masculinity, Polarity, Dating & Relationships is now live, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stThe full recording of the Q&A webinar on Femininity, Masculinity, Polarity, Dating & Relationships is now live!

Well it’s been an interesting couple of weeks over at Feminine 1st.

One or two little pink gremlins found their way into my system and delayed  me providing the link to the recording of the Q&A webinar that I hosted a couple of weeks ago.

I have had plenty of people reaching out to ask me when I’ll be sending it through…so I’ve been working my little tail off to make it available for you.

Did you want a question answered about femininity…?

So today I have good news! The gremlins have been evicted, the recording has been uploaded and you can now find out whether I answered your burning questions about femininity, masculinity, polarity, dating and relationships on the webinar.

So here is the full recording of the Q&A session on Femininity, Masculinity, Polarity, Dating and Relationships, in full!

I’m so grateful that knowing how busy your life is, that you want to take an hour to spend it getting your questions answered, because you understand how important the area of relationships is.  Taking some time to focus on this area can make such a difference to our lives.

So here, as promised is the full webinar where I answer as many of the questions that were sent through to me as possible in an hour, for you to watch at a time that is convenient for you.

Although the competition was live only for the duration of the calls, I highly encourage you to watch the recording in the next couple of days as today I am opening up the special bonus gift of a free one-on-one mentoring session with me for the first 5 ladies who choose to join me on my new program on how to attract the relationships that you desire and deserve via the recording.

When I refer to clicking on the banner at the top of the screen, click on this link here, it will take you to the same page.

If you haven’t already, I highly recommend you pop over here to sign up for the free 7 mistakes single women make when looking for love video series …and for the bonus videos that I’ve been sharing since the webinars were recorded!

…and if you’d like to set up a ‘next date’ for us to get to know each other better then click here to send me a request for a ‘soul session’ – a free 30 minute call where you get to find out a little bit more about me, I get to find out a little bit more about you, and together we can work out what the best next steps are for you.

Can’t wait to speak to you soon, and in the meantime remember to stay fabulous!

Claire x

How can you help yourself to find a masculine man or feminine woman?

Show up as feminine to help them show up as masculine, Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo as we talked about last week, when we learn about polarity and the masculine and feminine, we realise that we want to be with someone who brings the opposite energy.

We want to find, attract, and be with someone who will be our equal and opposite, the one who will be the yang to our yin, the masculine to our feminine or vice versa.

What we don’t realise is that it’s not just about what’s inside the other person, whether they are masculine or feminine at core is not the whole story….

How do I find that masculine  man or feminine woman?

This is a question I get asked a lot.  How can I find this, or how can I find that?  Where can I find my masculine man? Where do all the feminine woman go?

I’m sorry to break it to you, there isn’t a secret underground club in London where they’re all hiding out just waiting for you to show up!

Looking for a masculine man or a feminine woman may be exactly where your problem lies…you might be focusing in the wrong place.

So where should I be looking to find my masculine man, or feminine woman?

What a lot of people don’t realise is that they’re looking for it ‘out there’, what we don’t realise is that what’s ‘in here’ (i.e. inside you) is what matters most of all.

What you’re bringing to the table is signalling what you want them to bring to the table.  Watch the video now to find out how the masculine men and feminine women are probably hiding in plain sight…

So my masculine or feminine will affect their masculine or feminine?

Yes!  As I said before, what you bring to the table is what you’re signalling to them that you’d like them to bring to the table.

Imagine that you’ve been invited to a barbecue on a lovely hot summer’s afternoon. There’s going to be a buffet table of salad and everyone will be bringing something to share.

Before you go to the store to work out what you want to bring for the salad buffet, you want to check what else is already on the table. You call the person who’s organising the BBQ and ask them what they already have.  If they tell you that they already have potato salad, the chances are that you’re not going to want to bring the same….instead you’ll want to bring something that will compliment the potato salad so that the buffet is more enjoyable for everyone.

The same is true with the masculine and feminine.  It often doesn’t happen at a conscious level, but subconsciously people will look and see what’s already on the table to work out what they can bring that will compliment what’s already there.  If you are showing up in a masculine way, it is possible that the man you’re with will bring his feminine to the table so that you don’t end up with a whole table full of potato salad!

So understanding and realising that how you show up can, and will affect how they show up will help you to find more of the masculine in any man.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Why do feminine women put on a masculine mask?

Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st, Masculine maskWe’ve been speaking about the masculine and feminine on this blog for quite some time now…we’ve discussed the aspects of the masculine, the aspects of the feminine, we’ve spoken about masculine masks, fake feminine, balance…the list is endless.

But a question I get asked on a regular basis is “Why is it that women who are feminine inside end up putting a masculine mask on?”

So why the masculine mask?

Well the first thing to understand is that most women who have a masculine mask haven’t got a clue that it exists.

I speak from experience.  I wore a masculine mask for nearly 20 years myself and I had no idea….I didn’t even know that such a thing existed.

It’s not something that’s done through conscious choice…it happens as a reaction to our experiences in life.

If we don’t even know what a masculine mask is, where does it come from?

Just because we don’t know that a masculine mask exists, doesn’t stop it from affecting us.

That would be like saying that just because we don’t know about a new strain of flu, we can’t catch it.

Well a masculine mask and the flu are very similar in many ways.  You can’t see them with the naked eye, they affect how you feel and how you behave, they drain your energy and people don’t notice when it first starts to affect them.

So, where do these masculine masks come from? Watch the video now to learn where your masculine mask came from…

So how does this help us to remove the masculine mask?

Well, the beauty of understanding where a masculine mask comes from is that it gives you the ability to see where it originated.  When you can see where it originated, you can understand what purpose it was trying to serve.  When you can understand the purpose it was trying to serve you have the ability to look at it in a different way and see if there is another way to approach the situation that might serve you better.

One that feels more natural.

One that is easier to maintain.

One that is more….you.

…and I would love for you to share this video today with another woman who you know who might benefit from understanding where her masculine mask comes from.

I certainly wish someone had shared this information with me all those years ago…

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

How do you tell if you’re more feminine or masculine at your core?

Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo we know that we all have both masculine and feminine traits inside us…but all the time people are asking me “Claire, how do I tell whether I’m more masculine or feminine at my core?”

There are a lot of different ways that you can tell which of the two energies is more natural for you…but there is one very simple, quick and easy way that in my experience works for everyone…and today I want to share it with you.

Now, I’m putting a disclaimer on this video…If you’re easily offended, or uncomfortable with the topic of sex then I want you to be aware that this video might stretch you out of your comfort zone a bit.  I also wouldn’t recommend watching it at your desk at work (or if you do, I’d invest in a pair of headphones!)…it might raise a few eyebrows while people are working on their morning coffee!

So enough chat…watch the video to see how you can find out what energy you are at your core:

The one thing to remember in this is that it only tells you which of the energies is the most natural for you – the one you tend towards at your core.  As we know, we all have both energies inside us and this doesn’t tell you what the balance of the two is.  So when you’re aware of which energy is most natural for you, it’s then fun to have a play with the different energies and traits to see what balance also feels right.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and also any questions that you might have about understanding whether you are more masculine or feminine at your core,  so please leave me a comment below to share your thoughts…

Wishing you an amazing week,

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Are men and women really the same deep down inside?

Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stIt has not been a great week at this end.  Unfortunately my whole family has managed to get a very nasty virus that has taken us all out of commission for several days.  So I was wondering this morning how I was going to get this week’s video done to share with you.

Since I’ve started doing these weekly videos the feedback has been great…in fact the one comment that I get on a regular basis is “Can you please do more videos?!”  So I listened…and last week I finished up in the studio completing my first video course, which I’m really excited to share with you.

So this week as I’m listening to my body (which is telling me that rest, and lots of it, is what I need right now) I thought that it would be nice to share with you a teeny tiny glimpse of the video course so that you still get your weekly dose of Feminine 1st video fabulousness.

So this week I wanted to share with you the answer to a very simple question.  Deep down inside, are men and women really the same?

Watch the video to find out the answer…

As always I’d love to find out what your thoughts are on this…so please leave me a comment below or get in touch with me via Facebook or Twitter.

There are some exciting things coming in the next few weeks that I can’t wait to share with you…so I guess the virus is my body’s way of ensuring that I’m well rested for them!

Wishing you an amazing week,

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

The Magnetism of the Masculine and the Feminine

Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stToday I want to share with you about the magnetic qualities of the masculine and feminine and how important they are to creating that real passion, desire and attraction within relationships.

We look at the consequences of feminine women being completely in their masculine, masculine men being completely in their feminine, people neutralising themselves…and also what can happen when we get someone who lives in their feminine coming together with someone who lives in their masculine.

Watch the video to find out all about it…

It’s also important to remember that masculine doesn’t have to mean a man and feminine doesn’t have to mean a woman…it’s possible for a man to be more feminine at his core and for a woman to be more masculine, although it is more rare.  As long as you have a strong feminine energy and a strong masculine energy, whether that’s between a man and a woman, a woman and a man, two men, two women…it doesn’t matter…you’ll feel that magnetic pull.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the magnetism of the masculine and the feminine,  so please leave me a comment below to share your thoughts…

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you are a single woman, I have a little gift for you….I am running some free webinars on “Femininity for the Single Woman” in the coming weeks…click here for all the details: http://feminine1st.com/free-webinar-ffsw/

Do you remember to use your masculine…?

yin-yangMost of my focus in the past newsletters and blog posts have been focused on femininity and how to connect with and get into your feminine, so today I want to look at the other side of our energy.

As we know, we all have both masculine and feminine energy inside us, and in order to feel and be at our best, we need to find the balance between the two energies that is right for us…after all, each of us is unique, and so is our energy!

While it’s very important to spend the majority of our time in the energy which is most natural for us (for most women it’s feminine, and most men it’s masculine…but there are some cases where it’s the other way around) it is also important to know how and when to move into the opposite energy.

Certain situations will come up in life where it is better (for you or those around you) for you to utilise the other traits that you have inside you.

Last weekend I was crewing an event here in London (UPW) with Tony Robbins and I had an experience that demonstrated this perfectly.

UPW is a very intense event. We do a firewalk, it is highly emotional and many people come out of it having completely transformed some aspect of themselves or their lives.

On the third day of the event there is an experience for the participants that is very emotionally intense. During this experience, it is important for all of the crew to be in the room to support the participants, which means that we observe everything that’s going on.

Without giving too much away about it (because if you haven’t been to UPW, then I highly recommend going and I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise!) the experience involves the participants moving through negative and positive emotions in order to transform an area of their lives that they want to change.

During this time, the energy in the room is incredibly intense.

Having crewed this event before, I knew what to expect, and I was prepared for it, but there were a large number of crew members who were experiencing this for the first time.

I knew that during this experience I was going to need to stay very focused on the participants. It was my responsibility as a member of the crew to be there for them and support them.

I also realised that I needed to keep some focus on the members of the crew who had not been there before and who were experiencing this for the first time.

I needed to keep focused on the outcome of the experience…I know the amazing result of doing the process…so that was something that I chose to keep front of mind.

I had to be very assertive where necessary as there were situations which needed dealing with swiftly and simply for the benefit of everyone in the room.

I was highly motivated to get everyone in the room through the experience in a way that served them and their purpose.

My focus was absolutely unwavering…it was 100% where it needed to be in order to support the participants and my fellow crew members.

During this experience, the crew members buddy up…and it was my buddy’s first time crewing and therefore observing this exercise. I realised that I was very protective of my crew ‘buddy’ for the experience…and at times when she appeared to be struggling with it I stood beside her and gave her advice.

For the period of this experience, I switched from my usual ‘emotionally open’ position, to a more logical one…focusing on the outcome that we were working towards, and less on the emotional experience of the journey.

The experience went beautifully.

During it I helped a number of participants by getting them to speak to the right people, and helped my buddy when she found it tough.

A short time later, during a conversation with a friend, I realised that in order to deal with the exercise in the best way possible for both myself and the people around me, I had stepped (for that short period of time) into my masculine energy. I was using a lot of the masculine traits I had talked about in my recent post: http://feminine1st.com/what-is-masculinity/.

When the experience had finished, and the masculine energy was no longer required…I was right back in my feminine, welling up while watching the pure joy and delight on the faces of the participants and my fellow crew.

I’m so used to making the move to the masculine for short periods of time when the situation requires it, that I don’t tend to do it ‘consciously’ any more…I just move when it feels right to do so…and then back when the situation has come to an end.

But I realised that it is important to acknowledge that there are times when it’s not just preferable, it’s necessary to use your masculine energy.

…and it’s equally important to identify the time when it’s no longer required and can move back into the feminine again.

So what are the situations where you think that the masculine energy might serve you best for a short period of time?

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x