Do you allow yourself to receive?

Do you allow yourself to receive?Let’s face it, most of us like to think that we can do it all ourselves.We’ve spent most of our adult lives trying to prove ourselves, show that we can manage, we can cope, that we can do everything that’s expected of us.

But between building a successful career, being the model daughter / sister / mother, keeping ourselves fit and healthy, managing our finances, indulging our hobbies, creating a home that is warm and inviting and making sure that everything is buffed, trimmed, waxed and styled to perfection…it can be more than a little overwhelming at times.

The reality is that it’s not possible to do it all, and to do it all perfectly…especially when we try and do it on our own.

Part of the challenge we have is as feminine women our natural tendency is to focus on our relationships, on our communities, on other people’s wellbeing…way before we focus on our own.  We forget the need to receive, because we’re so focused on wanting to give.

We want everyone to be happy.

We all want to give…but who’s going to receive?

Our inclination towards giving is not really helped by the abundance of sayings that tell us how wonderful giving is…

  • It is better to give than to receive.
  • The degree of loving is measured by the degree of giving. – Edwin Louis Cole
  • We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give – Winston Churchill
  • Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give ― Ben Carson
In fact, if you do a Google search on “giving” you get over 350 million more results than you do for a search on “receiving”.Now I’m not for a second suggesting that we shouldn’t be giving…in fact I’m a big fan of it.

But we do need to make sure that we learn how to receive too.

Receiving is fundamental to connecting with our femininity…we’re naturally designed to receive, and when we deny ourselves the ability to receive, we deny a key aspect of our femininity.

An exercise I often get women who work with me to do can help to remind you how important it is to take in as well as give out.  Now if you have any heart, breathing or medical concerns at all then don’t do this…just read along (you’ll get the point)…but if you have no medical concerns then I invite you to give this a go.

Take a deep breath in.

Now breathe it all out…every single part of it.

…now don’t breathe in yet…first breathe out again.

…and again

…and again

…and again

….and again

…and again.

Now, by this time one of a few things has usually happened.  You’re probably laughing or smiling, you may be feeling a little light headed…but by this point I guarantee that your body has forced you to take a breath in.

Your body knows that it’s not possible to keep breathing out over and over and over again without stopping to take breath in too.  If you don’t stop to take the breath in, sooner rather than later you’ll lose the ability to give it out because there’s nothing in there left to give.

What I always find interesting about this exercise is that even after you’ve tried to breathe out everything you have, when you try again you usually have a little left in reserve…which tends to be the same in life too.  If you continue to give and give over and over again, when you think the tank is empty you tend to find that there’s a little left in reserve…but if you don’t learn to receive as well, then you’ll soon be left with nothing more to give.

The other challenge that everyone giving has, is that if we all want to give and no-on wants to receive…then no-one really gets to give!  In order for giving to work, someone has to be willing to receive it in.  So in avoiding giving you actually deny someone else the gift of giving.

So how can we learn to receive?

There are opportunities to receive around us all the time, every day, everywhere we go.  The key to allowing yourself to receive is to become aware of them, and to give yourself permission to take these opportunities.

There are four key areas in which we have the opportunity to receive…and I invite you to look out for them in the coming week.

  • Receiving from yourself – How often do you take the time to give to yourself and allow yourself to really receive it?  Self-care is so important to our wellbeing and vastly underrated and under prioritised by the majority of women.  It can come in many different forms…allowing yourself to rest, pampering yourself, choosing to take time indulging yourself and doing something you love.  What could you do to receive from yourself today?
  • Receiving from family and friends – We know that people love to give, and allowing ourselves to receive enables them to enjoy the process of giving that much more.  Allowing people close to us to be able to help and support us actually strengthens the bonds between us, and brings us closer to each other.
  • Receiving from strangers – How often has someone offered to give you a hand, or something as simple as offering you a seat on the train and your automatic response has been “No thanks, I’m fine”.  When we deny other people the ability to give to us, it discourages them for doing it for others…so take these opportunities to receive from people you don’t know…it could encourage them to do it for others too.
  • Receiving from an intimate partner – As a feminine woman, we sometimes don’t understand the needs of the masculine.  One of the primary needs of the masculine is to feel needed, and to feel like they have the ability to make the feminine happy.  When we don’t allow ourselves to receive from our partner, we deny them the ability to feel needed, and it creates a distance between us that we’re not even necessarily aware of.
This weekend was a great example for me.  On Sunday I had the opportunity to go and contribute by distributing bags to the homeless.  It was something that I was really looking forward to, because I love to give.But Sunday morning when I woke up I felt exhausted.  I’ve been working a lot recently and hadn’t taken the time to replenish myself.

So on Sunday I allowed myself to receive, from my partner, and from myself.  I was lucky enough to have an amazing man looking after me, treating me to breakfast in bed, massages and a variety of little things that made me feel great and put a smile on my face.  Not only did it make me feel good to receive, it made him feel incredible to be able to give to me.  I also allowed myself time to rest and recharge my batteries, to give myself some much needed self-care and downtime.

…and if you’d like an opportunity to receive then please feel free to join me for my free video series and webinar on the 7 mistakes single women make when looking for love and the 1 thing you need to know in order to attract the relationship you desire and deserve, which is my opportunity to give and share with you…and an opportunity for you to practice receiving.  If you’d like to join us, click here to sign up:

…and I’ll leave you today with one of my favourite quotes about receiving:

If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me. 
” – Jarod Kintz

So this week, give others the gift of allowing them to give to you…and allow yourself to receive.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

Do you remember to do this?

Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo the last couple of weeks have been a little crazy and busy at my end…OK, they’ve been downright manic!  Between filming, party buses, new baby nephews, I’ve barely stopped, and had very little sleep!

So I needed to make sure that I recharged my batteries…and how did I do that?

Watch the video now to find out:

I’d love to hear from you about how you’re going to make time for you, so please leave me a comment below to share your thoughts…

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Balance of Giving & Receiving – Day 27 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 27 of the Youtube challenge!

In the past business has had a bit of a reputation for being focused on what it can get…out of situations, out of resources, out of people. It has been so focused on the bottom line, on results and numbers and what it can get, that it sometimes forgets about how important it is to give first. Watch the video to find out more:

So, in the past have you been a little too focused on what you can get in business? What difference do you think that focusing on giving value first would make to the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you are going to do differently to help get the balance of giving and receiving in your business right for you, so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Failure” you can find it here:

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Positive Feedback – Day 21 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 21 of the Youtube challenge!

As women we are so good at giving out…but when we receive positive feedback we can have a habit of dismissing it. Would you like to know how important receiving positive feedback well is to the success of your business? Watch the video to find out:

So, how do you receive positive feedback? What could you change it receive positive feedback better? What difference do you think it would make to the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you think about being a S.T.A.R., so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Shoes!” you can find it here:

I'm fine

No thanks, I’m fine.

I'm fineHow many times a day / week / month do you say this sentence, or a variation of it?

It’s ok.

I’m fine.

I’ll manage.

It’ll be alright.

We spend our lives telling everyone else that we don’t need any help, assistance, guidance or support.

Often, when someone offers to help, the words of dismissal leave our lips almost before the suggestion has been made in full.

It seems that we are so used to proving to both ourselves and everyone else around us that “we can do it” and “we can cope” that we don’t even stop to consider the offer.

I feel we are so good at giving out and helping others…but not so great on the receiving front.

Well, the downside to that is that even the deepest of wells have a bottom at some point…and if you keep taking out, without putting back in, eventually it will be empty.

Us women are exactly like this. We give out, and out, and out, and out…but we forget that in order to have something left to give, we need to remember to replenish.

Receiving is a vital part of maintaining our feminine core…if we receive, we can continue to give.

Many years ago, I was the personification of the phrase “independent woman”. If something needed to be done, I could do it, I could handle it. There was nothing I couldn’t manage.

I would offer to help everyone else…with pretty much anything…but I didn’t like accepting help.

I didn’t want to put anyone out, or inconvenience anyone. I could do it….regardless of the fact that it might take me twice as long, or three times as much hassle.

When someone reminded me of two things:

If I kept giving out constantly…and never received…sooner or later there would be nothing left to give.

By not receiving myself, I was denying other people the pleasure of being able to give. Helping or doing something nice for someone else can really make your day…who was I to deny someone else that great feeling?

It was a major wakeup call.

I was chatting to a friend last week who was organising an event and having trouble finding a venue. When someone offered to help, her instinct was to say “No, don’t worry about it, I’ll manage”…when instead she found herself saying “actually, that would be great”.

Those 5 words saved her stress, hassle and extra workload which (given everything else that needed to be done) made a HUGE difference to her week.

The venue was sorted, and she didn’t have to worry about a thing…and the person who helped got to feel great about helping out someone they cared about.

It was a win-win situation…which wouldn’t have existed if she had insisted on proving that she could do it herself.

So the next time someone offers you help I’d like to ask you to be a S.T.A.R.

Stop – Stop first before saying anything. Be sure to respond to the offer they are giving you, not react to the fact that someone is trying to help.
Think – Think about what they are offering you. Would it help you? Will they feel good for being able to do it? Could you suggest a compromise which would work for you both?
Acknowledge – Acknowledge what they have said and thank them for their offer.
Receive – Receive the offer graciously.

If we all learned how to be stars…think how sparkly life would be! 😉

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x