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Aspects of the FEMININE - M - Magic - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

Aspects of the feminine…It’s all about magic…

Aspects of the FEMININE - M - Magic - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo our journey deeper into the aspects of the feminine continues this week, with an element that is so often forgotten.

Life as an adult woman can get a bit tough…we have a lot to do, we tend to feel overwhelmed and under pressure.

We have so many hats that we’re trying to wear and so many people that we’re trying to please that it can all get a bit much.

Life get’s very serious and we’re constantly in our heads trying to manage it all and keep on top of everything.

What’s magic got to do with it?

When we get serious…life gets a lot less fun.

Our focus on deadlines, to-do lists and ‘checking things off’ can make things feel a little ‘all work and no play’.

Getting into a masculine mode of ‘do’, achieve, get the result can have a huge affect on how we feel.

It feels heavy, it feels like ‘hard work’…it’s not very enjoyable.

Where’s the magic gone?

When we talk about magic, we’re not talking about Harry Potter, or Siegfried and Roy…

We’re talking about the playfulness that is so fundamental to the feminine.

The lightness, the childlike element that so many of us forget in our adult lives.

So today we look at how we can bring it back…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how do you bring the magic back?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to bring the magic back for you!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

This Week’s Thursday Thought: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage…and when the ‘someone’ is yourself it gives you more than you can possibly imagine

This week’s Thursday Thought:

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage…and when the ‘someone’ is yourself it gives you more than you can possibly imagine

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage...and when the 'someone' is yourself it gives you more than you can possibly imagine

Aspects of the feminine…diving deeper into emotional connection…

Aspects of the feminine...diving deeper into emotional connection... - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stSo having begun to deep dive into the aspects of the feminine last week with the F of F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E. looking at flow and how to can introduce the two aspects of flow into our lives…this week we get to look at one of my favourite aspects.

Today we’re looking deeper at the first E of the FEMININE acronym, Emotional Connection.

 

The feminine connection to emotion

Unlike the masculine, whose default position is the mind and logic, the feminine’s default position is that of the heart and emotion.

That’s not to say that either side doesn’t have an appreciation for or an ability to tap into the other’s ‘home base’, it’s just that when all things are equal and we’re being true to our core nature, this is the place that we go to first.

By better understanding the concept of emotional connection and what it means to the feminine, we can begin to explore and understand what it will mean for us personally to embody and express it.  As we know our femininity is unique to us…and so is our expression of emotional connection.

Connecting with your feminine through emotion

When we can begin to really understand and embody emotional connection, we naturally feel more feminine as a result, so today’s video is all about helping you to understand emotional connection better, and giving some suggestions for how you can start to experience more of it.

…and as with the aspect of Flow though, there are actually to elements to the feminine aspect of emotional connection, one of which you may not have considered much up to this point….

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how can you begin to feel more emotional connection in your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to feel more emotional connection in your life

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Does a broken heart ever mend, or do we just end up living with the scars of heartbreak?

Does a broken heart ever mend or do we just get left with the scars of heartbreak?Heartbreak.

Unfortunately most of us will have experienced this at some point in our lives.

That agonising pain that comes with the end of a relationship, when it feels like you’re the only person in the whole world feeling like your heart has been torn in two.

The desire to eat every comfort food consumable to try and feel the empty hole in your heart.

Wanting to forget.

Wanting to remember.

Wanting to talk.

Wanting to not have to talk.

Feeling like your whole world is crumbling around you.

Not wanting to be alone and yet not knowing how to be around others.

Wondering if the pain will ever subside.

Thinking that you will never be the same again.

Feeling like you’ll never want to put yourself out there again, because you don’t feel like you could take going through this again.

That awful time when just remembering to keep breathing in and out feels like an effort.

I know, from personal experience, the pain of heartbreak

Heartbreak and I are old friends…we’ve spent many a day and sleepless night together.

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Every time I’m in it I always say the same thing “I just wish it was 6 months from now”.

Why?

Because I know I’ll get through it, I always do. But I also know that in order to get through it I need to be in it. I need to feel it. I need to feel it all.

…and that isn’t easy, in fact it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to deal with.

So when someone reaches out asking for help with heartbreak, my heart goes out to them. Because I know where they are. I’ve been there, many times.

This week I saw a question “Does a broken heart ever mend, or do we just end up living with the scars?”…and I felt moved to respond to it in a very personal way.

…and today I want to share that response with you, because I know from the messages and comments I receive that it might be relevant to you too.

So, my personal story of heartbreak…

My sister has been what most people would consider very “lucky in love”. Her first long-term boyfriend turned out to be the man who she fell in love with, married and now very happily has a little boy with.

Her husband is wonderful and I’m so pleased that they found each other and have created their lovely life together. As a result, she’s been ‘lucky’ enough to never have really experienced ‘heartbreak’ as you and I might know it.

On the other hand as you may know from my previous articles, I have experienced many heartbreaks during my lifetime.

There is a part of me that at times in my life has been slightly envious of my sister’s experience. Because she never experienced heartbreak, she in some ways kept the innocence and naivety that comes with first love. She never had that part of her life ‘tainted’ in any way by a negative experience. Being that she’s my sister, I am grateful that she’s never been through this.

However, as much as I wouldn’t wish the heartbreaks that I’ve been through on anyone, much less my sister, I know that because of the experiences I’ve had my life, I am a changed person…and every one of those changes in me has been for the better (in the long term).

My life has been richer for walking the path I have, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have grown in ways I know I wouldn’t have without those experiences. Each one has tested my emotional resilience in ways I couldn’t have imagined…and yet each one has brought with it such a gift of growth and personal learning too. It has made me the woman I am today. I have a depth of compassion, of self-knowing, of emotional experience, of love as a result of it.

I appreciate love in a way I wouldn’t have done, had I not lost it at times along the way.

My heart has been changed for those experiences.

Some might say that it’s been scarred by them…but as with scar tissue in the body…those parts of my heart are actually stronger for it.

Remembering those ‘scars’, the heartbreaks, the experiences I’ve gone through, the pain I’ve felt, helps me to continue to choose every day the woman I want to be. It’s helped me learn what I want for my life, what I will and won’t accept (both for me and by me), and it helps me to be the best woman I can be for myself and the man in my life every day.

As a result of these moments in my life I don’t take love or life for granted, which sometimes people who haven’t experienced them can.

My experience is that in time (with a compassionate approach of truly processing the emotion and the experience), the pain subsides, the wounds heal, the lessons are learned and we move on into our next chapter forever changed.

That change can be our greatest gift if we allow it to be.

Heartbreak has been a real gift to me

…and this is why I describe heartbreak and I as old friends, because that’s what we are. Though our relationship has never been easy, it’s brought me more than I could have ever imagined.

Without the heartbreaks in my life, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, doing the work I do, helping people around the world to create deep, mutually fulfilling relationships.

But most importantly I don’t believe I would have had the experience that I personally needed to be able to create the level of connection, communication and compassion that I have in my two most important current relationships – the one with myself, and the one with my partner.

I wouldn’t change any of the heartbreaks I’ve experienced in my life for anything.

Although I experienced terrible pain through every single one of them…I am truly grateful from the bottom of my heart for each one of them and the gifts that I eventually allowed them to bring me.

In Japan there is a practice called “Kintsukuroi” which means “to repair with gold”. It is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver laquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

So I invite you to repair any ‘cracks’ you may feel as a result of your heartbreak with gold, or silver, or another gift that is valuable to you, and begin to see the beauty in them too.

Stay fabulous,

Claire x

Would you like to learn more about the aspects of the feminine? We’re starting with flow…

Would you like to learn more about the aspects of the feminine? We're starting with flow… - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stI’m really excited this week, because this week we’re starting to deep dive into the feminine and what it means for you.

So far we’ve looked at the different aspects of the feminine from a birds-eye view, and today we’re starting to get up close and personal.

Your unique feminine

As you know, your femininity is as unique as you are…and so in order for you to work out what your unique flavour of feminine feels like, it’s important to play with and experience the different aspects of the feminine in order to understand what your unique expression of them is.

Getting to know the aspects of the feminine better

So over the next few weeks we will be looking at each of the aspects of the feminine that I’ve shared in this and various other articles and digging down under the surface to learn more about them.

Because although our flavour of feminine is unique to us as individuals, there are 8 common aspects that every feminine woman has inside her.

I’ll also be giving you suggestions, ideas and exercises as the weeks go on for you to play with and try out in order to get to know these aspects of the feminine better and to discover what they mean to you.

So today we’re beginning with the F from F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E. and starting off with flow…one of the most important aspects to embody, and one that so many struggle with a lot…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So how can you begin to embody the aspect of flow into your life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to embody the feminine aspect of flow in your life

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

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How about we lose the balance in relationships?

How about we lose the balance in relationships? - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stThere are a whole range of people out there giving advice about relationships.

Why?

Because relationships are so important, so fundamental to our lives.

There’s not a single area of our life that isn’t affected by a relationship in some way shape or form.

For the most part, a lot of the advice that is given about relationships is pretty similar.

There are a few fundamental ideas, principals and concepts that are consistent for almost everyone who advises on relationships.

Communication, trust, honesty, humour, support…the usual suspects tend to come up time and time again.

Is all advice about relationships the same? No.

One of the reasons that people come to me is that I offer advice, ideas and suggestions that no-one else is recommending.

Why?  Because I’ve discovered and created them through learning what works (and doesn’t work) in my own life, with my own relationships.

I know that the stuff I share works, because it’s tried and tested, by me and the people who are closest to me in my life.

Now I’m not saying that my partner and I are my guinea pigs for my latest content, it’s more that I get my content through the experiences that we share, the ways that we have discovered to overcome challenges, to work better together and to have the best relationship that either of us have ever experienced.

You might be surprised about today’s advice about relationships…

So every now and again I say something that has people stop, pull a strange face and exclaim “really?!”

But whatever I share, it’s because I’ve put it into practice myself, in the real world, and it’s worked.

So today I want to throw out a curve ball…and share with you why I think it’s important for us to lose our constant focus on balance in our relationships…you might be surprised to learn why…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So why should we lose the focus on balance in our relationships?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out why it’s a good idea to lose the balance in relationships

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

What’s the one thing you need to know to resolve conflict in all of your relationships?

What's the one thing you need to know to resolve conflict in all of your relationships? - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stLet’s face it, when you bring two people together for any period of time, sooner or later there is going to be a difference of opinion.

I’ve not yet heard of two people anywhere who always think the exact same thing, at the exact same time with no variance whatsoever.

..and so regardless of whether the relationships are intimate relationships, business relationships, family relationships or friendships, there is going to come a point in time where you have different points of view.

The man / woman divide in relationships

When it comes to relationships between a man and a woman the opportunity for a difference of opinion comes up more frequently than in relationships between men or between women, mainly because we’re so fundamentally different inside.

We think differently.

We have different motivations.

We feel differently.

We have different priorities.

We have different fears, worries and concerns.

We have different approaches.

We have different meanings for the same words.

In fact, it’s a wonder that we agree on anything!

But it’s not just relationships between men and women that have problems!

As I’m sure you know, it’s not just relationships between men and women where you can have differences of opinion that lead to problems.

Though they might not happen as often, these can happen in relationships between women and between men…it’s natural when you bring two different people together.

Now, if we lived in a culture where we all enlightened and took the approach of accepting and respecting that we all have slightly different points of view, without taking it personally or allowing it to cause conflict in our relationships…we’d be fine.

Unfortunately, this isn’t often the case.  

Often when someone has a different point of view there’s an assumption that they believe we’re ‘wrong’ and so we defend our point of view to show them otherwise.  Or otherwise we feel that they just don’t understand our point of view, so we take it upon ourselves to explain (sometimes forcefully and in a lot of detail!) what we mean, because if they understood it, they’d agree with us, right?

The downside of this, as I’m sure you’ve experienced at some point is that a difference of opinion can quickly switch to a debate, conflict, arguement…or worse!

In my experience, knowing the one thing that can help reduce, or resolve conflicts in any and all kinds of relationships is pretty helpful…because you can use it any time a difference of opinion comes up, to prevent the conflict before it even begins.

So today I want to share with you this nugget that has transformed challenges in my own personal relationships, and that I share with anyone I work with who is having challenges in their relationship…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So how do you use this to resolve conflict in any and all kinds of relationships?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to resolve conflict in any and all kinds of relationships

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Do you know the key to having great relationships in every area of life?

If relationships are the key to life, what is the key to great relationships? - Claire Brummell, Feminine 1stWe all know that relationships are important…but do we realise just how important?

Feeling connected to other people can have a profound affect on our emotional state. It’s even been proven that when people feel excluded from others the part of the brain that is active when we experience physical pain becomes engaged.

There is a lot of research to show that connection to others is also linked with better health and a longer lifespan…but that’s not the only reason they’re so important.

Relationships are the key to life

I’ve often shared that relationships are the key to life.

Why?

Because every single part of our life is affected by relationships in some way shape or form.

Think about the different kinds of relationships you have, or would like to have:

Intimate Relationships

Relationships with Family

Relationships with Friends

Relationships with Work Colleagues

….your relationship with yourself.

If there’s an aspect of life that isn’t affected in some way shape or form by relationships then I’m not aware of it.

Relationships have the ability to change our world

Think about what happens when you’re in a really fulfilling and enjoyable intimate relationship.

When you’re feeling happy and in love, everything seems possible. Anything seems possible.

Everything is manageable.

It doesn’t matter what happens in life, your can cope with it…events that otherwise would be hard and challenging all or a sudden feel a little easier.

Now think about what happens when you’re going through a breakup, or there are really big problems in your intimate relationship.

When you’re in this space, everything seems to have a little black cloud hovering over it. Everything seems a little darker, a little harder, and a lot less fun.

Small problems elsewhere all of a sudden feel bigger, feel more overwhelming.

As Anthony Robbins says “The Quality of your life is the quality of your relationships”.

So if relationships are the key to life, what is the key to having really great relationships? Today I share with you one of the simplest ways to quickly improve any relationship in any area of life…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

 

So what is the key to having great relationships in every area of life?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out they key to having great relationships in every area of life

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Are you making yourself miserable, trying to do what ‘should’ make you happy?

What should make you happyThis is not the article that I was going to share today, but sometimes I get a strong feeling to go in a different direction. Today is one of those days.

This morning I was asked by a friend, to weigh in and give some advice in a group where I’m one of the resident expert coaches on dating and relationships.

In the interests of confidentiality I won’t share the name of the group or the person in question, but as I found myself writing to her, I realised I could have been writing to anyone, in any relationship situation.

Her story is that of a very brave woman. She was living the life that she thought that she should live. She was married, and wanted a family. But she wasn’t happy…so she courageously ended her relationship with her husband, to begin a relationship with another woman who she fell deeply in love with. But now she’s battling with fears and questions, that she doesn’t identify with the right labels, that she is feeling an immense pressure to make a decision now that will affect the rest of her life, that she’s choosing a harder path for herself, that it’s not the ‘right path’.

What should make you happy?

While not everyone has experienced this situation, the details are just that…details. I know a lot of people who are trying to create for themselves what their life should look like, feel like, what should make them happy…and are making themselves miserable in the process.

In life, there is often a disconnect between what you believed your life would look like (and would make you happy), what you think your life should look like (and should make you happy), and what your life does look like (and what makes you happy).

When we grow up with such vivid images in our minds, and thrown at us from TV, magazines, films, friends, parents etc we can often get very attached to these ideas as being ‘the right way’…and we dismiss any alternatives completely.

In reality, what we expect our lives to be, and what they turn out to be are very different…and with good reason…we take on other people’s ideas of love, life and happiness and then try and fit ourselves to them because that’s the way life is…but we often end up unhappy because it’s not OUR way, the way that’s right for us.

Coming from a girl who spent 20 years living a life she thought she *should* live and being unhappy in the process…believe me, I know.

What should make you happy vs what does make you happy

Rarely do we actually stop and ask ourselves,’what feels good to me?’, ‘what do I want?’, ‘what makes me happy?’…we just carry on, carrying on and expect it to all work out one day.

It takes real courage to wake up from the slumber of ‘just carrying on’, because that’s what everyone else does. It’s not easy to admit that something’s not right, and that you’re not happy…but choosing not to just keep doing the same thing and instead to create a life for yourself that feels right, that actually does make you happy and works for you is brave and admirable.

The honest answer is that none of us knows what the future holds. Life can change in a heartbeat and throw us an unexpected curve ball. Trying to make a decision today that will be ‘right’ for the rest of eternity, and committing to that rigidly is where a sense of pressure comes from. We sometimes feel like we’re running out of time to make a decision that will then be there forever. No wonder we end up feeling stressed! 🙂

We can only ever do the best we can with the information we have at the present time. The reality is that the decision that is right for you today, may not be right tomorrow…and that’s OK. Allow yourself to be in flow, being flexible and moving with the flow of life and how you’re changing and growing as a person, rather than putting yourself in a box today that you might grow out of tomorrow. Instead try living without the box!

What should a committed relationship look like?

One of the challenges with committed relationships is that people make a commitment once that’s there forever…and in doing so, they can feel trapped, or lacking in freedom…but also they can get complacent and take their partner for granted. “We’re going to always be together”…so they stop making the effort. I know he’ll be there no matter what tomorrow, so if I don’t make the effort today does it really matter?

The approach I always encourage people to take is to create a commitment that they want to continue to choose each other every day. There’s not an assumption that they definitely will or definitely won’t be there tomorrow…they want to continue to choose each other, but it’s a choice made every day. Knowing this, each person needs to keep putting the effort into the relationship each day, and they each need to continue to put effort into being the best version of themselves they can be. Relationships take ongoing effort and commitment to each other in order to continue to flourish and grow.

Finally…I invite you to lose the labels in your life. Does it really matter if you describe yourself as heterosexual? Lesbian? Bi-sexual? Man? Woman? Mother? Career-woman? Domestic Goddess?

…instead look at the label “ME” what am I? Who am I? What makes ME happy? What do I want? Labels can be so restrictive, so by focusing on the label “ME” you can make it mean whatever it means to YOU…which is all that matters. Whether you’re into men, women, or aliens with pink polka dots, doesn’t really matter…what matters is what matters to YOU.

I know a woman who left a marriage to be with another woman…to her it wasn’t about being gay, she just met someone she loved deeply and couldn’t live without…the fact that it was a woman was irrelevant to what they shared together. They were two souls who met, fell in love and created a life together.

I also have a friend who on coming out to her parents, they were devastated. To them, happiness could only be found with a husband, wife, 2.4 children and a white picket fence, therefore to them, she was committing herself to a life of misery. The thing is that to some people a husband, wife, 2.4 children and a white picket fence IS a life of misery. What makes you happy, and others happy can be totally different…so embrace what feels good for YOU.

So all that said, my advice to anyone in a situation like this would be to consider a few different questions:
– What do you think your life “should” look like? …and why? Where do these ideas come from? Are they really yours? If not, it’s OK, you took them on for a reason, but if they aren’t serving you, then it’s also OK to let them go.
– What actually makes you happy? Look back over the past year…and whether it fits the idea of what life should look like or not, look for the times, experiences, and moments in which you were happy. Then start to build up a picture of what your happy life could look like…remembering that life is organic, it’s always growing and changing, and it’s OK for you to grow and change with it.
– What does the label “ME” look like? Have fun playing with it, create the lifestyle and choices that are truly right for you.

…and finally, what choice will make you happy today? Life is short. Things change without warning. Live for today’s happiness, create that for yourself. You could plan out the next 30 years of your life, and something could happen that could completely change everything. So what will make you happy today?

…and then give yourself permission to enjoy it, now, while it’s happening, in this moment. Because this moment is all we’re guaranteed in life…so make the most of it, and allow yourself to feel happiness and joy today.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

How can his cave time be a gift for you?

Cave TimeSo last week I shared about ‘man caves’…giving you some ideas about what they are and what men do in them.

But today we get to look at ‘cave time’ in a whole new way…

Why is cave time so important?

Time and space like this is a need for masculine men….and they will all find a way to get it in some shape or form.

It’s not a ‘nice to have’ or ‘I’d kind of like it’…it’s a need, a must, a lifeline. It keeps him sane.

Now the amount of cave time a man needs can vary significantly. Some men may only need 5-10 minutes a day, some men may need some time in the week, or every month…or maybe even every year.

Most women have had the experience at some time in their lives of wondering why on earth a man takes reading materials into the bathroom…and why he takes so long in there! It’s often not about the toilet, or the newspaper…it’s time in his cave, just a little bit of space in the day for him.

They key with the cave is to not take it personally. It’s nothing to do with you. It’s not that he needs time away from YOU…it’s that he needs time specifically for HIM. It is not personal.

If a man doesn’t get cave time he can often feel uneasy or restless. If you are spending all day every day together the danger is that he will associate this uneasy or restless feeling with you or your relationship….which then can become a bigger issue, when in fact it’s nothing to do with you or the relationship…he just needs a bit of time in the cave.

So how do you deal with cave time?

The first thing is to let him know that cave time is OK. If a man feels like you’re reluctantly giving him cave time, he’ll feel a pressure to come out of the cave…which completely defeats the point of the cave in the first place. He needs to know that you understand, that it’s OK, and he can take whatever time he needs.

The interesting thing about this is that if a man feels like it’s not OK to be in his cave, he’s likely to want to stay in there longer. If he feels like it’s OK and he can have the time he wants and needs…he’s actually likely to need less of it.

I speak from personal experience. If you’re sat by the cave door asking him when he’s going to come out…he’s likely to feel the need to be in there longer. If he knows he can take as long as he wants he can come out before he expected to himself.

When he’s in the cave let him be. Don’t approach him, don’t contact him (unless he’s explicitly said it’s OK for you to) ….initiate no contact of any description.

Let him totally have his space, and let him come to you when his cave time is done.

Don’t follow him into the cave, don’t try and ‘help him’ with his cave time….simply ask him to let you know when he’s out of the cave and then let him have his space.

The great thing about the cave is that you can make it fun, and play with it. If my man needs cave time I’ll get a text or a message saying something like “Cave man need cave time, ug ug ug”…which makes me smile and makes it easy to be understanding about.

I have a little giggle to myself and message back to let him know it’s OK and to get in touch when he’s out of the cave.

How can cave time be a gift for you?

When you start to understand that the cave is a need, and by letting him have that space your man will be happier in himself and also more able to meet your needs in return…you see that the cave can actually be a win-win.

So many women think that by letting a man have time in his cave, they’ve got to lose something in return. That in giving him what he needs, somehow she’s not getting what she needs.

…and this is where the problem lies. When we look at a situation like this from a place of scarcity, of course it’s likely to cause a challenge.

If we think there’s only space for one person to get what they want and need at a time, then in order for him to get what he needs, we need to give up what we need.

In order for us to give him space…we lose connection time.

But what if there was a different way of looking at it?

Because when your man’s in his cave it’s your time to be able to do the things that make you feel great.

Have time with the girls, pamper yourself, watch a chick flick, go out dancing…anything that fills you up.

Just because your man’s in his cave, doesn’t mean you need to be sat by the door waiting for him to come out, twiddling your thumbs at a loose end until he reappears….

…no cave time is as much your time as it is his time.

You can make cave time work as much for you as it does for him.

…and when he comes out of his cave and you’ve given him what he wants and needs, the time you’ll get to spend together will be so much more enjoyable. He’ll be in a great space, he’ll be grateful that you’ve given him what he needs, and he’ll really want to enjoy spending the time with you.

He’ll be able to connect more with you, because he won’t be distracted by the other things on his mind, because he’ll have used his cave time to process them and deal with them.

He’s likely to be more attentive, more connected and more present.

So everybody wins!

Have fun with thinking of the ways that you will enjoy his next visit into the cave… because cave time for him = ‘me time’ for you…and it means that the time you spend together after will really be quality time.

…look at it this way and the next time your man wants time in the cave you’ll be only too happy to let him have it!

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x