Yesterday was not a good day for me.
In fact, being honest, it was really awful.
It’s not very often that you’ll hear me say something like that…but in this case there’s no other way to put it!
I got some news which was very upsetting, and which caught me completely by surprise.
If you want to know the full story, you can find it in today’s newsletter (You can sign up here if you haven’t yet: http://feminine1st.com/free-gift/)
I was in London at a meeting when it happened, and so on my journey home it all started to sink in…and the next thing I know I’m sitting on a South Eastern train with tears streaming down my face.
It was one of those “once the flood gates are open” moments.
Once I started, I just couldn’t stop.
I was very aware of the fact that I was on a public train, surrounded by people, but it didn’t matter. I was feeling very upset, and at that moment I needed to let it out.
The guy with the drinks trolley went past and very kindly handed me a couple of napkins as he went.
But then something interesting happened.
A guy who was sat a little further up the train walked up to me and said “I’m really sorry, I’m not trying to hit on you, but I can’t just sit there and watch you cry….would you like to split a beer? Or I could just sit here and talk random rubbish at you for the rest of your journey?”
Now, a few years ago, if this had happened my instinctive response would be to say “It’s OK, I’m fine”.
I looked up at him and said “You know what, that would be really great”.
So he sat down and we started chatting.
Not the stuff of great conversations that will go down in history, just random chat to pass the time.
It was just what I needed…a little random kindness from a stranger.
What was really interesting is that had the situation been reversed and I’d seen someone crying on the train, I’d have done exactly what he did.
When I told him this and said how grateful I was for the random stranger who came and talked random stuff at me to pass the journey…he simply replied, “Ah, but it wasn’t random”.
It was really reassuring to know that what you put out in the world, does come back…sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes randomly…but often when it’s most needed.
I’ve mentioned the concept of paying it forward on here a few times, and my last post about it was on remembering to receive it forward as well.
Well, yesterday I got the chance…and it felt good to receive.
So thank you to the stranger on the train who helped me to dry my tears and made me smile.
The next time you see someone who you think could use cheering up, don’t be afraid to say hello…it doesn’t cost anything and it might just make all the difference to someone’s day.
…and the next time someone offers you a kindness at a time when you really need it…allow yourself to receive it. It might not take away the sadness or whatever it is that you’re feeling…but it certainly does help.
Believe me, I know how you feel.
Life these days is incredibly hectic for us women.
We have our jobs and careers to think about, we have our personal lives to juggle, we are thinking about our relationships, our health and fitness, our hobbies, our homes, our finances, our families…the list is never ending.
Our feminine tends to take a back seat
Often in order to cope with the craziness of our day-to-day lives women jump into ‘take control mode’.
I think that by seeing this sign around us all the time we just assume that all women wear capes and are secretly superheroes!
In going into our ‘superhero mode’ we end up taking on a number of very masculine traits, we become very analytical, driven, single-minded and focused on just ‘getting the job done’.
Finding the balance between our masculine and feminine
As we all know, we have both masculine and feminine energies inside us. Even if we’re primarily a more feminine person at our core, utilising our masculine traits when appropriate is not only helpful…but sometimes it’s necessary to deal with a given situation. It’s all about finding the right balance.
The challenge that we often have is that with all of the pressure and stress that we feel (either as a result of external situations, or more likely that we put on ourselves) we can spend more and more time in the masculine and less and less in the feminine.
This can lead to us feeling drained, unhappy and very unfulfilled.
Therefore it’s incredibly helpful to know how to quickly get back into your feminine in order to relax and feel like yourself again! 🙂
So what’s the answer?
How to find your feminine fast
The answer is that it’s different for everyone…but it’s really easy to find out what it is for you.
The quickest and easiest way to get back to your feminine is to reconnect with who you are at heart….and the quickest way to do that is to ask yourself what it was that you enjoyed doing when you were a child….say at 6 or 7 years old.
What was it at that age which made you absolutely light up from the inside?
What made you smile?
What made you laugh?
What would you do whenever you had a free second of time?
It could be absolutely anything.
For me it was dancing, singing or spending time with animals. Whenever my parents asked me what I wanted to do for the day, if there was an opportunity to feed some animals I was a very happy girl.
When we used to go for London for a day, the outing wasn’t complete without a trip to feed the pigeons in Leicester square.
I did ballet, tap, modern dancing and you couldn’t stop me from singing all over the house.
Any one of these things made me absolutely light up from the inside out.
For other people it’s different. I have one friend who used to pretend she was doing her own radio show with a little tape recorder and another who was happiest when she was swimming. It could be drawing or creating something, reading a book, listening to your favourite music….the list of possibilities is infinite.
…and when you’ve worked out what it is for you…the fastest way back to your feminine is to find a way to do it now.
For me, I dance salsa, I’ve joined a local ‘funky’ choir and on a regular basis I walk down to a field near my house and feed the horses that live there. If I feel like a dance, but there’s no salsa on that day, I take 10 minutes, blast my favourite tracks in my bedroom and dance like I’m a 5 year old again! 😀
…and the key is to do it until it makes you smile…until you feel that warm fuzzy feeling inside that you had when you were a child.
Voila! Back to your feminine in the blink of an eye…
…and now you know what makes you feel like this, it’s a great idea to arrange to do it on a regular basis. Put a note in your diary as a reminder, make a little time every week and take this time for you.
Because it’s far more enjoyable to find your feminine BEFORE life gets overwhelming, rather than after!
P.S. If you enjoyed this post, you might also like to check out this one about “What IS Feminine?”
I realise that recently due to my personal circumstances, some of my posts have had a hint of melancholy about them, so I thought it was important to lighten the tone today.
Because with all of life’s ups and downs, it is so important to take time to laugh and enjoy yourself. Life is quite simply too short not to.
Laughter isn’t just something that feels great in the moment, it actually has a huge number of additional benefits.
- It can help your health: It reduces stress hormones, and increases feel-good hormones, endorphins as well as helping to increase your ability to produce antibodies which leads to a stronger immune system.
- It provides a physical and emotional release, giving you the ability to let go of any emotional blockages that you might have been holding onto.
- It gives you a good workout, from the heart through to the lungs, abdominal muscles and diaphragm.
- It dissolves negative emotions: it’s not possible to feel fear, anger or sadness when genuinely laughing.
- Laughing with others helps to bond and create connections with those around you.
These are just a few of the benefits of laughing…there are many many more.
So, as a bit of Monday fun, I thought I would share some things which make me laugh. Sometimes they are big full-body laughs, sometimes they are just a smirk or a chuckle…but they all bring a smile to my face.
The Man Drawer:
Leaving the House With Kids:
Cake or Death?
Car Insurance Claims
Total Wipeout Funny Moments
So what makes you laugh?
So last week we spoke about balance and finding the balance between masculine and feminine which is right for you.
The question then is how do you identify the difference between being in your masculine, or being in a strong feminine?
Well there are a couple of key indicators to look out for.
- If you’re in your masculine you will tend to feel quite a bit of physical tension, especially in your stomach, chest, back and shoulders. If your muscles are contracting and you feel tension then there’s a strong probability you’re in ‘masculine mode’.
- If you’re in your masculine you will tend to be very focused on one specific outcome; you can almost have tunnel vision. There can also be a very strong element of competition involved. If you’re in your feminine you are still very aware of everyone and everything around you. You will feel very connected and will be in a state of peripheral vision.
- If you’re in a strong feminine ‘mode’, then you can still feel emotionally open (from the heart), you will also feel very centred and grounded, without feeling heavy or ‘weighed down’. The feeling of heaviness or weight can be a symptom of being in your masculine.
So what if you’ve identified that you’re in your masculine but you don’t know how to get back to the feminine again?
Here are a few very quick tips to get back into your feminine quickly:
- Relax – Take a moment to be conscious of your body and release any tension that you can feel. The stomach and shoulders are places to focus on, but the best approach is usually to start at your toes and work your way through relaxing each part of the body until you reach the top of your head.
- Re-connect to the emotional you – Take a moment to stop and think about something that you are truly grateful for, think about all of the aspects of it and allow yourself to feel the gratitude deeply.
- Dance – If you have the ability to take a couple of minutes, blast your favourite girly tunes and have a boogie!
- Laugh or smile – Find something or someone that will make you laugh or smile – it could be a video online, a person, a picture, anything. It will get you right back to who you are at your core as quick as a flash!
I would like to thank a lovely friend of mine on the other side of the world for being part of the inspiration behind today’s newsletter.
I had already selected the topic for today, but her personal situation is one which I’m sure that many other women face (in knowing how to balance the masculine and feminine elements) and it guided me to include elements that I otherwise might have left out.
Thank you…you know who you are… 😉
So enjoy, find your balance and remember to Stay Fabulous!
Christmas can be the most magical time of the year. It can also, as we all know, be stressful, overwhelming and something that people absolutely dread.
We know that we women have a tendency to take on a little too much and Christmas often throws another dozen balls into our over-capacity juggling act!
So the question is, how do we not just survive the Christmas season…but actually ensure that we ENJOY it?
We usually spend so much time at this time of year worrying about whether everyone else is having a good time…and this year it’s important to make sure that we have fun too!
So here are ten top tips for making your Christmas as magical as everyone else’s:
1. Make time for you
I can hear the protests already! “I don’t have time to do everything I’m supposed to do, how am I supposed to find even more time for me?!” The answer is very simple…you can’t afford not to. In order to stay in your feminine and enjoy the season you need to make sure that your needs are being met so that you can continue to give to everyone else and make their Christmas wishes come true. Now we’re not talking about finding time for a fortnight in Bali (as nice as that would be!)…it’s just a case of finding a small pocket of time every day (yes, every day!) over the Christmas period to do something just for you. It could be a simple 10 minute walk to get a bit of fresh air, clear your head and get some space. It could be a 20 minute bubble bath to relax you and let the business of the day melt away. It could even be to find 10 minutes to go to your room, shut out the world and dance full out to a bit of Gaga on your ipod! It could be anything…but try and find at least 10 minutes every day which is just for you…your little Christmas gift to yourself.
Plan ahead. If you know ahead of time what you want to do and when you want to do it, it saves you needing to work it out as you go along…which is the bit that normally gets us a little frazzled! It’s all the little “Now what do I need to do next?!” moments that tend to increase our stress levels, but if we plan ahead these become completely and totally redundant. The other thing is to do as much of the ‘stuff’ that needs doing as far in advance as possible. If you can get the pressies wrapped a week in advance, great. If you can prepare the veg the day before and leave them in bowls of water overnight (or even better buy them pre-prepared!), fantastic. You could also set the table the evening before. Anything that you can do to reduce your list of jobs for the actual day gets a big thumbs up!
3. Don’t try and do everything
I know, I know. This isn’t the way we’re used to operating. But trust me, when I tell you that you’re going to enjoy this a whole lot more…
The “Don’t try and do everything” tip has two parts to it. The first is to realise that there’s probably a lot of things that you think are absolutely essential for a fantastic Christmas… that probably aren’t actually very important at all. A perfect Christmas is one in which everyone has a good time together…not one where all trimmings are perfectly executed, but where you end up stressed out, completely fried and balled up in a corner somewhere hugging a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Trust me when I tell you that the people around you would much prefer you to be relaxed and enjoying yourself than running around trying to create the illusion that is the ‘perfect Christmas’. If you find yourself getting stressed and overwhelmed, stop, take a deep breath, count to 10 and ask yourself the question “What’s really important?”
The second part of this tip is to delegate. No, I’m not suggesting that you provide each member of the family with a list of their responsibilities along with their milestones, expectations and delivery times. But I am saying that it’s ok to get everyone else to help out and muck in. Even better, if you’ve got kids around you can make it fun, make it a game, let them feel like one of the ‘grown ups’ by being given a job to do!
Over the festive season we have a tendency to…um…overindulge somewhat. There’s nothing wrong with a little overindulgence from time to time, but there are a couple of things that you can do to ensure that on boxing day you don’t wake up feeling like you’ve had rudolf, the rest of the reindeer and the elves having an impromptu party in your head! The main one is to rehydrate. We often have a tipple or two as part of our celebrations, which can leave us feeling hugely dehydrated (as well as making the ornaments on the Christmas tree appear a little fuzzy!) In order to combat the Boxing Day Blues, try to balance the alcohol intake with regular doses of good old H2O…your liver and your head will both thank you for it!
5. Smile 🙂
I know it sounds so simple, but remember to keep a smile on your face throughout the Christmas season. Smiling is far more powerful than most people realise. When you smile it sends a chemical message known as an endorphin throughout your whole body. Endorphins are a ‘feel good’ chemical which can spread the Christmas spirit from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Although most people have heard of endorphins, they don’t know just how strong they are. They have the ability to reduce physical pain and emotional pain and will fill you up with lovely warm fuzzy feelings! They have approximately the same strength as another well known chemical called morphine (yes, really!)…all that feel good power just from a simple smile! These fantastic fuzzy feelings will help you to stay open and in touch with your positive emotions, keeping you feeling fabulously feminine as well. So remember to keep a smile on your face…and you’re in for an instant feel good boost (no alcohol required!) 😀
Come back on Wednesday to find out the 5 remaining tips for a fabulously feminine festive season!