Posts

How can you create sisterhood with the women in your life?

October 7, 2013/7 Comments/in Top Friendship Articles /by Claire

So last week I began to share the 25 ways I’ve discovered to create sisterhood with the women in your life…and today I finally get to share the rest with you!

25 ways to create sisterhood with the women in your life

14. Reach out, even when you don’t want to – I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve learned that a friend was going through a tough time and when I’ve asked why they didn’t call they’ve said “I didn’t want to be a bother” or words to that effect. The most important thing to remember is that your sisters WANT to be there for you…not when you’ve started to get it together, or begun to figure it out. When it’s at it’s worst. When you need the most support. When you can’t make sense of it. When you want to cry / shout / scream. When you feel numb. It’s at those times that it’s hardest to reach out…and it’s at those times that it’s most important to do so. The deepest connections I have with the women in my life are with the ones who are my first call when I’m in a puddle on the floor…and for whom I am the same for them in return.

15. Be there when they reach out – When one of them reaches out a hand to you…be there to take it. Even if you can’t speak at that precise moment, let them know you’re here for them, that you want to speak to them and give them your full attention and arrange a time when you can speak. If you’re there for them when they need you, they want to be there for you when you need them even more.

16. Gently, and with compassion, be prepared to challenge your sisters – Sisters are your mirrors. They are the ones who will show you your reflection, in all it’s full Technicolor glory, and with love they will challenge you to see things that you might not want to, to see things from a different perspective. Be prepared to gently and respectfully challenge their perspectives if it feels right to do so. Not in a “Your wrong!! It’s this way!” kind of approach, but in a “I’m curious, have you considered this point of view?” way. We’re in this to grow together, being able to offer alternative ideas is how we grow.

17. Be open to help in a different way – It’s important to ask for what you want and need…it’s also OK to trust when it shows up in a different form. Sometimes your sisters will do things in a way that in the moment feels uncomfortable, but done with love and compassion can really help. I had a sister who we joked like to go into ‘probe mode’…when I was sharing, sometimes I wasn’t even aware that there was something underneath until she began with the probing questions. At the time, it felt uncomfortable, but I trusted her and knew it was all being done with love….and it always helped me in a way I couldn’t have anticipated.

18. Take down your defences – We’ve got very used to many women in life being our competition, and being ready to defend ourselves should someone say something we feel is an attack. In sisterhood remember that these women are on your side. They are there with you, to support you. There’s no need to have the battlements armed.

19. Trust – Trust. Trust that these women want to be in this with you. Trust that they want the best for you. Trust that they always have your best interests at heart. Trust that they are right there behind you, in your corner. Trust that they are doing the best they can, and that they know that you are too.

20. Say the thing you don’t want to say – I can’t count the number of times I’ve found myself talking to a soul sister, or soul sisters and I’ve heard myself say “I really don’t want to say this…so I know this is what I need to say”. The stuff we try and deny…the stuff we don’t want to share is the stuff that we often NEED to share. Because we have a belief, an idea, a story around it that sharing it can dispel. If you’re open about the fact that it’s difficult for you, it allows your sisters to be even more kind and gentle with you while you’re having the courage to share it.

21. Ask Questions – Be curious about your sisters, ask questions to learn more about them…take an interest. When you want to challenge, do it by asking a question that will get them to consider a different point of view. Ask them what they want. Ask them how you can support them. Ask them questions that will help them go deeper, and understand themselves better.

22. Be prepared to set boundaries if you need them – Sisterhood is about trust…and being able to say “This is my boundary, I’m asking you not to cross it” and trusting that they will respect you for it is incredibly empowering. Now I’m going to put a little caveat in here…be sure when setting boundaries you’re doing it with your best interests in mind and heart…rather than doing it to protect yourself from being ‘too vulnerable’ or going ‘too deep’. You need to feel comfortable in asking for what you need…but also be open to your sisters questioning if it really is what’s best for you, and allow yourself to respond honestly.

23. Be Gentle and compassionate – Be gentle with yourself and with your sisters…sisterhood is a very vulnerable place to be, and being gentle can make it so much easier. Compassion for yourself and your sisters will allow you to open even further, trust even more and deepen the connections between you.

24. Spend time together just being – Spend time with these women just enjoying yourselves and being. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught in a pattern of the ‘deep stuff’ with your sisters…where you’re always dealing with challenges or working through something…and it’s just as important to make regular dates to go out for a meal together, go and pamper yourselves or just have a girly movie night with a bowl of popcorn!

25. Go First – I know I mentioned this in the article about finding the women who will become your soul sisters, but it isn’t something you do once and it’s done…it’s a choice to continue going first. If you go first, and go deep you give them permission to do the same. You create the space, you set the bar, you open up the conversation and therefore allow the connection to go deeper. In doing so you open yourself up to a depth relationship that otherwise wouldn’t have been open to you. You create the depth of relationship you want, by having the courage to share deeply yourself first.

If you really open yourself up to it, sisterhood will change you.

It will connect you to what it means to be a woman in a way you never realised possible.

Your concept of friendship increases in breadth and depth…the possibilities are endless, and you begin to understand that true friendship is limitless.

Your soul sisters will become your cheerleaders, our safety net, your guides, your teachers, your sages, your mirrors, your soul mates, your family and your sanctuary.

My soul sisters are a vital part of my life and I’m grateful for them every single day.

They make life easier, they make life more enjoyable.

They will hold a special place in your heart that cannot be filled by anyone or anything else, and I wish for you to create these amazing, life altering relationships for yourself.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

How do you find the women who will become your soul sisters?

September 23, 2013/12 Comments/in Top Friendship Articles /by Claire

So last week I shared an article about the importance of sisterhood for women like us, and how to understand the difference between acquaintances, friendship and sisterhood.

Understanding the importance, value and power of these kinds of relationships with other women is something that has dramatically changed my life.

But understanding that you want these kinds of relationships with other women doesn’t mean that they’re magically going to appear.

Or…does it?

Are you looking for women like this?

Well, being honest, knowing that these are the kinds of relationships you want with other women will mean that you become more aware of the people that you’re meeting, more aware of the people around you and more aware of the kind of women you want to spend time with.

This awareness is the first step towards creating these kinds of relationships with other women.

It’s like when you go shopping for something. If you know what you’re looking for (and what you’re not looking for) it’s a little bit easier to find. You head straight to the store or department that has the kind of thing you’re looking for, and when you get there it’s often easy for you to notice the things that fit what you’re looking for, and for you to rule out those that don’t.

Likewise if you’re looking to create deep relationships with other women, there are some places where you’re more likely to connect with women of a similar mind and heart than others.

Where do you find these kinds of women?

For example if you’re wanting to connect with others who understand and embrace what it means to be a woman, are curious about femininity and what it might mean to them and creating connections with like-hearted women, then looking for those kinds of connections with highly driven ‘ball-busting’ corporate women at a high-powered business networking event might not be the ideal starting point.

On the other hand, in online or local communities for women to connect, share and grow together (like the Feminine 1st Facebook Group for example) you may find other women who are looking for the same sorts of connections as you are.

How do you find the women who will become YOUR soul sisters?

When it comes to meeting and connecting with the women who will become your soul sisters, there are a few pieces of advice that I can offer from my own personal experience:

Find women who you resonate with – My soul sisters are the women who ‘get me’, the ones who just seem to be on the same wavelength…the ones who I can say the most seemingly nonsensical things, and who still understand me. They are women who are in a similar space in their lives, who can relate to where I’m at, my experiences, my life…the ups and the downs! We take similar approaches to our lives, businesses and relationships and we have similar values.
Embrace Diversity – Although it helps to connect with women who are similar to you, there’s already one of you, you don’t need another! Appreciate and value the differences between you and the women in your life…it’s these differences that can allow you to help each other grow, to offer different perspectives, to shed light on areas that to you were covered in shadow and to bring a richness to each of your lives that fills it with vivid colours and textures.
Don’t expect them to be perfect – We are all human, and we all come with the full range of qualities, traits, imperfections and idiosyncrasies that that brings. Your soul sisters are no different. Sisterhood is not about perfection…it’s about being real, authentic, all of you. Your soul sisters will trigger you, drive you crazy at times and do things that you’d rather they didn’t….as you will do for them. Sisterhood is about loving and accepting them in everything that they are, no exceptions.
Find women with courage – Sisterhood is challenging at times. You want your sisters to have the courage to be vulnerable with you, to trust you, who will choose acceptance over judgement, who will challenge you (even when it’s hard), who will reflect back to you the things you can’t see for yourself and who will help you to grow, learn and understand what it is to be a woman.
Go first – One of the hardest and scariest things in sisterhood is going first. We often want to wait for the other person to show that it’s safe by paving the way, opening up first and showing how it’s done. If you really want to create these kinds of relationships, then be prepared to go first…by doing so you will invite women in who otherwise might not have had the courage to take that first step, and in doing so you open yourself up to having an amazing, deep relationship that otherwise wouldn’t have been realised.
Follow your intuition – When looking to connect with other like-minded and like-hearted women, your intuition can be a phenomenal guide. Listen to your instincts, what does your gut tell you? If you feel drawn to someone, or you feel like you want to get to know someone better, follow that feeling…in my experience it always guides us in the right direction. One of the women who is closest to me in life is only in my life because I followed my intuition. We were at an event, and I kept noticing her from a distance, but the opportunity never presented itself for us to actually meet. I couldn’t explain it, but I had this really strong feeling that she and I needed to connect, so after a while of us ‘missing’ each other, I made a beeline for her and introduced myself. We chatted for a couple of minutes, swapped details, and went on our way. As we lived over 5,000 miles apart the opportunity for a deep friendship to develop seemed unlikely. We connected via the usual social media means and dipped in and out of each other’s lives from time to time over the coming months. About 6 months after we first met we spoke on Skype for a couple of hourse, and then 18 months later I went and stayed with her for three weeks on a trip to the US. Today she is one of my dearest friends and closest soul sisters…nothing a measly 5,000 can get in the way of…and we would never have connected if I hadn’t followed my intuition.
Be the woman you want to find – If you want to create sisterhood, the first and by far the most important step is being the kind of woman yourself who you want to create a sisterhood with. As you know, life is a mirror, it reflects back what you are, or what you need to know…so if you want to create beautiful, deep, mutually supportive and fulfilling relationships with incredible, open, genuine, vulnerable women…you first need to be this yourself. If you want someone who will accept you without judgement, be the woman who does that for others. If you want someone who will be vulnerable and let you in, be the woman who shows her vulnerability to others. If you want someone who shows compassion, be the woman who shows compassion.

So if you want to create these kinds of relationships with other women in your life, these are the ways for you to find the sort of women that you really want to connect with at a deep level.

But when you’ve found these women, then what?

How do you create sisterhood? What does it look like?

Well, that is where the magic happens…so come back next week, when I will be sharing with you how to create these kinds of relationships with the women in your life, and what sisterhood really means, what it really looks like…and how it can change your life.

In the meantime though remember, be the kind of woman who you want to have these kinds of relationship with. Once you begin doing that, you’ll be surprised what shows up…

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Your Unique Femininity Formula – Do you spend enough time with other feminine women?

September 18, 2013/0 Comments/in /by Claire

I don’t know about you…but my journey of experiences with other women has been an interesting ride.

Having been bullied by girls at every school I ever went to, I found it incredibly difficult to trust, rely on, open up to or really connect deeply with other women.

I’d learned through school that the girls (and guys) around me were my competition. We were always been scored and compared to each other. Who was the best in the class? Who came first? Who was better than me? Which led to us constantly judging ourselves against everyone else.

Were women your competition?

Then came the teenage years…and the onslaught of the media through magazines, TV and film. Everywhere you looked people were judging others…especially the women. Who looked better in the same dress? Who had put on weight? Who had cellulite?

Magazine articles such as “New Celebrity Bikini Diets” or “Find out how ________ lost her baby weight in two weeks!” had us reaching for impossible (and often unhealthy) standards…and continually measuring ourselves against the women around us to see if we were ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ in the attractive stakes.

Do you allow other women in?

Every step of the way we were learning to judge others and compare ourselves to them.

We had female friends, of course, but the friendships were often tinged with a hint (or more) of competitiveness.

We wanted to support our friends, to be there for them, to enjoy fun times together…but we also compared ourselves to them and felt bad when we didn’t feel that we measured up.

Only recently I learned that a friend who I negatively compared myself too throughout most of my teenage years, was actually doing exactly the same thing but comparing herself to me in return!

These more masculine traits of judgement, competition and comparison have denied us the gift of real friendship with other women. Without us even knowing it they’ve created barriers, distance and blocks to the kind of connections that are available to us when we take a more feminine approach to friendship.

So today I share with you an unusual suggestion…a suggestion that whoever you are, whatever other elements you’ve included in your unique femininity formula that this is one you definitely add in…

If you are already a Feminine 1st Family Member of Bronze Level or above, click here to see the full video

So how do you create deep, fulfilling relationships with other women?

I would love to share more with you about this and so many incredible topics, and so I’d like to invite you today to join the Feminine 1st Family as a Bronze Member or to become a Free Member to enjoy over 80 Free Videos.

What does Bronze Membership Give Me? Well in addition to all of the features of our Free Membership (including the “First Steps to Femininity” MP3 and over 80 free videos), you will also get access to all future premium Feminine 1st videos for the duration of your membership. You will also have the opportunity to submit requests for topics to be covered or questions to be answered in these weekly videos.

So click here to find out how to create deep fulfilling relationships with other women

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Do you know how important sisterhood is to women like us?

September 16, 2013/11 Comments/in Top Friendship Articles /by Claire

When someone sends something onto me, I always take the time to look at it…after all, there’s a reason they’ve sent it my way.

When more than one person sends me the same thing in the space of only a few hours I really sit up and pay attention.

A few days ago I received this image via a number of different sources, which told me a few things:

It was something that was important
It was relevant to me
It was something I was supposed to share

I shared the image via the Feminine 1st Facebook group, and this morning I noticed that it was the most popular item I’ve shared recently…this image was resonating with people…and I understood why.

When an image, quote or video like this resonates with people there are normally two reasons:

Either they have what is being referred to in the message, realise how important and powerful it is and want to both acknowledge it for themselves, and let other people know how great it is.
OR they recognise something in what is being shared that is missing in their life…something they want, something they need…something that on a deep level they crave.
Most of the women I know, or meet in life fall into one of these categories when it comes to the relationships they have with other women.

Unfortunately, a lot of the women I meet fall into the second group.

Are you one of the women who is missing this in her life?

So many women recognise and understand that there is something missing in their lives, but they can’t quite put their finger on it.

Something isn’t quite right, something is lacking…but they’re not sure what.

Sometimes it can be hard to know what you need and want, if you’ve never experienced it. It’s like someone asking you to tell them something you’ve forgotten…you know that there’s something, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

…and it is something that is so fundamental to the feminine that I can’t really put into words how important it is.

Deep connection with other women.

In this world of Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Instagram we are connected to more people than ever before…but many of these connections are nothing more than words on a screen.

The connections and relationships exist just under the surface…based on status shares, tweets, comments and ‘likes’.

We have more ‘friends’ than ever before…but we are missing the depth of connection that has the power to really support us, change us and help us to grow.

When it comes to connections of this nature between women, we tend to label them all as ‘friends’.

What so many women don’t understand is that there is so much more available to us…if we have the courage to create it.

What types of relationships do you have with the women in your life?

Most connections start as acquaintances, with a sense of familiarity that goes beyond that of strangers, but doesn’t quite put them into the category of friends. They are the people with whom you tend to make polite small talk or a chat when your paths cross through mutual friends or interests, but not people with whom you feel a real trust or friendship with…yet.

Once the connection deepens…we tend to enter the realm of ‘friendship’. A deeper bond has been created, there is a trust, a desire to support each other, to spend time together, to chat, to enjoy fun times with. There’s a reciprocity present in most friendships…we expect to give and receive in roughly equal measure, and if the scales tip in one direction or another for too long we feel uneasy. We are there for them, and in return they are there for us. We laugh together, we cry together, we share in each others lives.

What more could you want?

If you need to ask this question then you’ve not experienced the next level of female connection: Sisterhood.

Sisterhood is where everything opens up (whether you want it to or not!)

When you choose sisterhood, you choose to accept everything that a person is, everything that they’re not, everything they have been and everything they will be, unreservedly, without judgment, exactly as they are.

Sisterhood expands everything you have in friendship, beyond boundaries that you didn’t even know existed.

Does this mean that sisterhood doesn’t have any problems / arguments / challenges / issues?

Not at all!

It means that you don’t give the polite answer, or the one that you think the other person wants. You tell is as it is, gently, and with compassion… you share your truth, openly and honestly….and you work through it together.

Sisterhood is raw. Sisterhood is vulnerable. Sisterhood takes courage to create.

Sisterhood is perfectly imperfect.

At times, it’s messy; it is not always easy to be that open, that vulnerable and that real with another person. They will show up and reflect everything that you love about yourself…as well as all the stuff you’d really rather wasn’t there.

But it is also one of the most fulfilling types of relationship you can ever experience.

Experiencing sisterhood first-hand has changed my life.

Would you like to have this kind of relationship with the women in your life?

I have thousands of friends on Facebook, a huge number of friends in my phone…and I can count the number of ‘soul sisters’ I have on my hands.

A short while ago I was speaking to one of my ‘soul sisters’ about how to describe our relationship, what it is at its essence.

Her response described it perfectly: “Unconditional Love”.

The thing is, when you strip all the pretense away, when you allow yourself to be completely and totally seen by another woman something powerful happens. When you share all your hopes, dreams, fears, worries and celebrations…when you share all of you.

When you remove every piece of protection, just being there with nothing more than your heart in your hand, and you connect with another woman who is doing the same thing, you create a real, beautiful, genuine, deep connection that is unlike anything you’ve experienced before.

Through sisterhood we get to explore and understand what it really means to be women. We get to grow together and understand our femininity at a deeper, more visceral level.

If you have these kinds of connections with other women in your life, cherish them. Take time to nurture them, to develop them and to enjoy them.

…and if you haven’t experienced these kinds of connections yet (the key word here being ‘yet’)…then look out for next week’s article because I will be sharing with you how to find your ‘soul sisters’, and how to create this beautiful dynamic of sisterhood with them.

In the meantime, if you’d like to dip your toes in the water…then why not come and join us in the Feminine 1st Facebook Group? It’s a great place to start…

Every single woman deserves connections like this in her life…including you.

If you haven’t found them yet, there’s an incredible world of connection just waiting for you to discover it…

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x