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Are your thoughts getting in the way of your feelings?

Are your thoughts getting in the way of your feelings?

Are your thoughts getting in the way of your feelings?As we know from the definition of femininity, our emotions are a crucial aspect of the feminine.

Connecting into our emotions, and what we’re feeling helps us to connect into our femininity.

The challenge that we have these days is that we spend so much time in our heads, rather than our hearts and our bodies.

We’re all about the ‘thinking’…and not so much about the feeling.

With our unending ‘to do’ lists, our brains are constantly in overdrive. There’s always something to think about, and when we’re done thinking about the first thing, there’s always something following up behind ready to take its place.

If we were just thinking, that would be one thing…but so often we cross the line from ‘thinking’ to ‘over analysing’…thinking through every possibility, every eventuality, all possible outcomes and questioning everything that we come across.

Look at our relationships – how much time do we spend, analysing, re-analysing and over-analysing what happens in our relationships?

What if he does this?

What if he doesn’t do that?

What did he mean by that?

Is he the right person for me?

We even tie ourselves in knots trying to figure out what everyone else is thinking too!

When we ask friends for advice, our first question is always “What do you think?”

So we’re living in an intellectual culture…does it really matter that we think so much?

Well it can do, when our thinking gets in the way of us connecting to how we feel.

So often when we have a problem or a challenge that comes up in our life, our first port of call is to jump into ‘logic mode’. Our attention goes immediately to our head, and we start trying to ‘figure out’ the solution.

We’re so in the habit of doing this that it doesn’t even occur to us to stop and pay attention to what we’re feeling.
The thing with this is that as women, what we’re FEELING often guides us in the right direction, but we’re so used to worrying about what we’re thinking that we don’t even hear what our feelings are saying.

…and when we do turn our attention to what we’re feeling, our brains still want a piece of the action.

The second we stop and check in with how we’re feeling, for most women our brains are there in a heartbeat:

“What am I feeling?”

“Why am I feeling that?”

“Am I feeling happy, or excited?”

More often than not we’re actually thinking about what we’re feeling, than actually allowing ourselves to just feel it.

We try so hard to describe and define something that is a tangible experience that we can end up limiting the feelings to what we can currently describe.

For example, if you only knew the word ‘happy’…but you were feeling exhilarated…in trying to describe and define the feeling you could actually limit the feeling itself.

So how do I know about this?

Well last year I took some time out and decided to spend the week in Glastonbury, one of my favourite places in England to visit.

During the week I did quite a bit of yoga, and meditation. One of the meditations I was doing was specifically about feeling into certain parts of my body…and being fascinated by whatever feelings I was experiencing.

One day, while doing this meditation I suddenly realised that I was trying to describe the feelings as I was experiencing them, and in doing so I was actually blocking myself from feeling them, and limiting them to what my brain could define at that moment in time.

I found myself sitting there thinking, “Is that a tingle, or a glow?…is it radiating, or circulating? Is it moving up or down?…” etc etc etc

All the time I was trying to describe the sensations I was feeling, I wasn’t allowing myself to just feel them.

So rather than describing them, I decided instead to just breathe deeply, relax and allow myself to feel them…and something wonderful happened.

The more I relaxed and just allowed the feelings, the more they grew, and changed and intensified.

The less I thought, the more I felt.

…and when I really wanted to express what I was experiencing, instead of writing about my experience and trying to put it into words, I chose to pick up a sketch pad and pastilles and draw and sketch what felt right.

Then later that same week I found myself having an incredible experience I was having a deep therapy massage, feeling so much going on in my body, and I suddenly realised that my mind was also joining in too!

I had a moment where both my thoughts and feelings were being allowed to flow…but in order to get to that point I first needed to allow and get in touch with the feeling in my body because my day to day life hadn’t previously allowed for that to be heard as often as it would have liked to!

So this week I encourage you to take a few moments where you can give your mind a break, and connect in to what you’re feeling, both emotionally and physically…and see what a difference it makes.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

Over-think things? Me? Never…

ThinkingWe all do it.

We know we do.

We get caught up in our heads, over-thinking things and analyzing them to the ‘nth’ degree.

As women, we have a tendency (in general) to do this more than men do…as men have the ability (as alien as it may seem to us) to do the ‘thinking about nothing’ thing.

I’ve yet to meet a woman who has mastered this skill.

If you saw the link in last week’s newsletter to the hilarious video from Mark Gungor on the difference between men and women’s brains you know exactly what I’m talking about! (If you missed it, you can find it here clicky.me/71dC)

We’re intelligent people, so it’s natural that we would want to use our brains.

We want to work out the answer, solve the problem, find a solution.

But at what point does thinking become over thinking?

Where we analyse EVERYTHING before we say or doing anything.

Where we try and find every single possible permutation of a situation, every possible outcome so that we can ‘be prepared’…regardless of what happens.

As many people say…we get caught in the paralysis of analysis.

One of the main problems with this is that we get so caught up in the thinking that we never actually get to the doing.

When it comes to femininity and polarity however, the challenge with over-thinking is more fundamental.

Because although there are things that you can do to feel more feminine, there are things you can think, even things you can wear…at its core it is a feeling.

A sensation, an emotion, an essence.

A way of being…not of thinking.

If we get caught up in our heads too much we are actually moving away from the essence of what femininity is all about.

So this is just a little reminder.

To get out of your head and into your heart a little more often.

Focus on what you feel, not on what you think.

If you’re ever in doubt over what to do or how to proceed, go back to the core.

Turn down the volume on that little voice in your head (which is probably driving you crazy anyway!) and turn up the volume on your heart.

There are a number of ways to do this, but the one that I always recommend is an exercise at the end of my free MP3 audio program “The First Steps to Femininity”.  If you’ve not yet got it, pop over here now to get your free download: http://feminine1st.com/free-gift/

It only takes 8 minutes, and having you’ve done it once with the audio, it’s really easy to do any time, any place.

When you’ve reconnected with your heart, from THAT place ask yourself one simple question.

What is my intuition telling me?

How do you know?  It’s easy.

When you’re in this space, feeling really connected, ask yourself the question that you want the answer to, and the first thing that instantaneously comes to mind (before your brain has a chance to kick in and complicate matters!) is what your intuition is telling you.

As we know, femininity is all about authenticity, it comes from the inside out.  The best way to find that authenticity is getting back to the heart and working from what you feel, not necessarily what you know.

So, when your brain runs riot and gets carried away…tell it to take the afternoon off and spend some quality time with your heart.

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

The Feminine Way to Business Success – Positive Feedback – Day 21 of the Youtube Challenge

Day 21 of the Youtube challenge!

As women we are so good at giving out…but when we receive positive feedback we can have a habit of dismissing it. Would you like to know how important receiving positive feedback well is to the success of your business? Watch the video to find out:

So, how do you receive positive feedback? What could you change it receive positive feedback better? What difference do you think it would make to the success of your business?

I’d love to know what you think about being a S.T.A.R., so leave me a comment below, drop me a message on Facebook or tweet me “@Feminine1st”.

Looking forward to sharing tomorrow’s tip with you…

In the meantime, Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

P.S. If you missed yesterday’s video on “Shoes!” you can find it here: http://feminine1st.com/youtube-day-20/