Why is it so tough for single women?

It's tough for single womenValentine’s Day is nearly here, the holiday single women dread…

Why is it so tough for single women?

It’s that time of year again.

The shops are filled with cards, hearts, chocolates, flowers and cute little teddy bears.

Everywhere you go there seem to be nothing but happy couples in love.

Valentine’s day is great if you’re in a happy fulfilling relationship with the person of your dreams.

But if your relationship is having challenges or you’re a single woman it can be a bit of a nightmare.

Nothing can make you feel more single than being surrounded by reminders to ‘tell the one you love how you feel’.

If you’re a single woman, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

There’s so much pressure, and as women we are genetically predisposed to be conscious of time passing by when it comes to love.

Most women have an internal voice that’s reminding us there is a clock ticking if we want to have children. For some women it’s a quiet whisper…for others it’s a roar. But whether we know for sure that we want children or not, the little voice remains because we biologically reach a point where it’s no longer going to be an option.

That point in our biology is one of the key distinctions between single women and single men….and the reason that the pressure to be in a relationship is subconsciously more intense for women than it is for men.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of men want to be in relationships too…but there isn’t a little voice in their ear reminding them that time is running out if they want a family of their own….because for them it isn’t.

And that’s not all. Singles have more heart attacks, a higher mortality rate and they decline in happiness more over time than their married counterparts.

But the most shocking thing about single women is that being single can actually end up costing them; not emotionally, not spiritually…but financially.

(Before you ask, no, this has nothing whatsoever to do with men picking up the tab more often when you’re in a relationship.)

Two journalists in the US crunched the numbers and worked out that not only does it cost single women more in taxes, housing and healthcare than their married counterparts…but they discovered that it could also cost a single woman over $1m more over her lifetime than it would an equivalent single man!

As if life wasn’t tough enough already for single women!

The sad thing about this is that most single women don’t actually want to be single.

It could be that they’re taking some time to get over a heartbreak or to reconnect with themselves after a previous relationship, or it could be that their life circumstances make it a little challenging with kids or a demanding career.

We’ve all used the phrases “I don’t have the time for a relationship”, or “It’s just not the right time for me”…but for the vast majority of single women it’s simply that they can’t find the relationship that they really want.

They don’t want to settle, but they don’t want to be alone either.

…and the questions! The never-ending string of questions swimming around the mind of a single woman…

  • How do I attract into my life a masculine man who has his sh*t together?
  • How can I get rid of my baggage from the past?
  • How do I allow myself to accept the love I deserve?
  • Where can I find the kind of men that I want to attract into my life?
  • How can I attract longevity?
  • How do you know if it’s worth saving a relationship, or letting go of it?
  • Should I go back to my ex? Will I find better?
  • Will I ever find love?

Add to that the plethora of challenges that their previous experiences, heartbreaks and personal beliefs add to the mix and it makes looking for love even more complicated for single women.

I know, I was one of them.

I also speak to them every single week.

…and the chances are that if you’re reading this now, you’re one of them too…or you know someone close to you who is.

I’m honoured enough to have both men and women from all over the world share with me their deepest and most intimate challenges, concerns and experiences…and a while ago I began to notice a pattern.

All of the woman who I knew who were facing challenges with love, myself included, were following some very similar behaviours.

Put simply, they were all making the same kinds of mistakes.

More importantly the women I knew who were having successful love lives, were doing things differently.

When I realised this, I decided to change my own approach to dating, and things changed rapidly.

Not long after the most amazing man entered my life. Being conscious of avoiding these mistakes totally changed our experience together. We felt more connected, more real, more intimate and more passionate.

We were both surprised at how simple it was…it took some effort, but we both really enjoyed it.

Because these mistakes aren’t complex to overcome, they’re actually very simple, it’s just we’ve got into a habit of dating a certain way (for a variety of reasons) that has made it very difficult for us to find love.

So I’m on a one-woman mission to help other women avoid the 7 mistakes single women make when they are looking for love!

As my Valentine’s gift to you, I’m sharing a free video series and webinar on the 7 mistakes that single women make when looking for love, and the 1 thing you need to know to attract the relationship you desire and deserve.

So if you would like to transform your dating life in the way that I’ve transformed mine (and I highly recommend it!) then pop on over here now to get the video series delivered directly to your inbox:

…and if you know a single woman who is struggling while looking for love, please share this link with her too…the journey of dating is always a lot more fun when you get to share it with a friend.

So yes, it’s tough being a single woman…but I know I can make it that little bit easier for you, and the other single women you know.

I can’t wait to speak to you on the 14th, and in the meantime remember to stay fabulous!

Claire x

when the going gets tough the tough get feminine

When the going gets tough…the tough get feminine?

when the going gets tough the tough get feminineA point, which is often raised when I’m discussing femininity, is “what happens when the unpleasant stuff hits the fan?” When things seem stacked against you and you’re really up against it, we often feel that we need step into our masculine in order to cope.

For years this was my primary coping mechanism for tough times…I didn’t believe there was any other way that would work.

As a result, when I started really focusing on and embracing my femininity, I found that difficult situations were my nemesis…

It was habit for me to toughen up and take control during these situations and initially it felt counter-intuitive to take a softer approach.

At times you may have experienced this too.

So I thought that my experience this morning might be helpful for you to hear.

It’s not always easy writing about personal experiences…especially when those experiences are challenging and painful…but if it helps you, it’s worth it.

At the moment there are some significant challenges in my life. The biggest one being that my partner has a serious but as yet undiagnosed medical condition, a condition that is getting worse. Among other things it meant that he spent most of New Year’s Eve in bed in pain rather than celebrating with me 🙁

He has been experiencing symptoms for nearly 7 months, and things are becoming more acute on a weekly, if not daily, basis. This morning it was bad again…and I felt completely overwhelmed.

I needed to talk to my partner about the things that were on my mind.

In my former life this is the point at which I would have stepped, both feet first, into my masculine and tried to take control of everything. I would have been forceful about the way I thought things should be done and I’m sure I would have come across as being dominant or critical.

However since reconnecting with my feminine, I have discovered a different approach.

Today I didn’t hold back and I didn’t push either.

I just let myself explain the way I was feeling, why I was feeling it and what I needed.

I was completely vulnerable, and shed more than a few tears.

It was one of those moments where we could both see the massive difference that this new approach is having in our lives.

Where previously there would have been a battleground, the lines of communication were now open and free flowing.

Instead of feeling criticised, my partner was able to see me and understand how I was feeling.

We didn’t shout. We didn’t battle. We were able to talk about it openly.

We were on the same side.

I poured my heart out, and with a relatively quick, open conversation we were able to find a solution to the immediate problems.

More importantly I gave him the information he needed (and the space) to step forward and help me through a time where I was feeling overwhelmed.

A short while later I was back to work, with a smile on my face and a sense that everything was on track and manageable again.

Sometimes, even when you don’t think something will work, it’s worth giving it a go.

You’ve no idea the difference it could make…

Stay fabulous,

Claire x