The 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart…

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By now, I’m sure you know that recently I’ve had to face one of the more difficult challenges that life has to offer…how to deal with a broken heart.

Broken Heart

After going through the normal reaction involving tears, above average chocolate consumption and an extra glass of wine here and there, the question I asked myself was “How could this experience help the women that I work with?”

The answer I got was to share with you the 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart.

Heartbreak is never easy, always painful and can take some time, so finding ways to make the journey a little more bearable is important.  So, following on from last week’s “How to deal with a broken heart” here are are the 5 most important things to help make the journey a little easier:

1. Feel the emotion – This was obviously the main focus of last week’s newsletter, if you missed it, you can catch up via the blog here.  It can be easy to put the barriers up, and close yourself off to try and protect yourself from the pain.  But by doing that you only end up hurting yourself in the long run.  It’s so important to stay open and feel the emotions fully as and when they come up, in order for you to then be able to let them go and begin to heal.  In order to make this a little easier try and remember to stay “R.E.A.L.”

Recognise – Recognise an emotion as it comes up, no judgment, just be aware of how you’re feeling and allow yourself to face it rather than finding some way to distract yourself or avoid it.

Experience – Let yourself feel the emotion completely.  Don’t hold back, just allow yourself to feel how you need to feel.  If you need to cry, cry, if you need to shout, shout, if you want to laugh, laugh…but allow yourself to experience the emotion fully.

Accept – Accept the way that things are.  The situation as it is and what has happened.  Give yourself permission to feel how you feel and accept that it’s ok to feel sad / angry / disappointed / upset or whatever it is that you’re feeling.

Let go – Release the emotion…let it go.  Once you’ve felt it there is no reason to hang onto it anymore, it won’t serve you to do so.

2. Take some space – When you go through a major life change like a breakup, it’s important to give yourself a bit of space.  If possible, don’t make any major decisions for a month or two, to allow yourself to adjust to the changes in your life.  Just give yourself a bit of space and time to feel what you need to feel, begin to heal and work out what you would like for yourself next.

3. Focus on you and your needs – As you no longer have to worry about a partner’s feelings, wants, needs or desires, now is the time to focus on you.  What do you want? What makes you happy?  What makes you smile?  What would you like to do?  I’m not talking about big-picture long-term stuff here, I’m talking about day-to-day, what would make you feel good?  Work out what it is, and make sure that you are meeting your needs and wants.  Whether that’s a walk in the country, a night out dancing with the girls, or an indulgent day to pamper yourself.

4. Let others be there for you – If you are lucky enough to have people around you who care for you and want to be there for you, let them.  If they were going through a tough time you would want to be able to support them, so let them do the same for you.  Having people around who care about you, even if its just company while you watch a film, can really help.  …and if they give great hugs, even better 🙂

5. Be Kind to yourself – Be gentle with yourself.  Don’t expect yourself to feel instantly better overnight.  Allow yourself the time and space you need to heal…and treat yourself kindly on the journey. If you missed the post earlier this week about being your own best friend then check it out here: ……. It gives some great tips for being kind to yourself, and for giving yourself the love that you need to get through the pain of a broken heart.

I know firsthand how difficult dealing with heartbreak can be…as you know by now, I’ve faced it a number of times.

But believe me, if you can remember these 5 important things it will make the journey a little easier…and someday soon, after a bit of time for you, you’ll be ready to love again.

Stay Fabulous,

Claire x

7 replies
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      I know many women who find this the hardest step of the five, and the way I always think about it is that if the roles were reversed, I’d want to be there for them and I would be upset if I wasn’t able to be. So who am I to deny someone else that gift of giving that I’d be so keen to give if the situation was the other way around? 🙂

      Reply
  1. Sue
    Sue says:

    Thanks Claire for the timely post.

    I have 2 girlfriends also going through a broken heart at the moment – however they are now in the anger stage which is the next emotion after the hurt.

    I agree with the above comment- it is quite typical to stay away from the friends who want to help you- as women tend to “bunker down” to conserve their energy and stay away from friends as they don’t want people to see them at their lowest.
    This period is the most important time to be with friends instead of staying away and can be very hard to do.
    Though some women stay in the grieving stage for a very long time and don’t want to move on which can be challenging as well….

    Hugs, Sue

    Reply
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      Hi Sue,
      I’m really pleased that this post has come at a time which is helpful for people you know. I agree totally, that women can sometimes ‘hide away’ both to protect them from showing their vulnerability to others and also sometimes to hide away from having to acknowledge out loud what’s happening. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and to accept help from those who love you can be difficult to do, but really does help in the long run.
      Hugs,
      Claire x

      Reply
  2. Claudia
    Claudia says:

    Hi Claire, words of wisdom. Thanks you. I’d just like to add one thing. If you’ve been with that person for a while, expect to experience something akin to a bereavement. So you’re likely to feel shock, denial, anger, spotting that person everywhere, depression, acceptance. It’s an iterative process so you may swing between the different parts of the cycle and the time taken to get through it depends on who you are and who’s supporting you. I hope you’re through your heartbreak and love you for being so generous and open. C. x

    Reply
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      Hi Claudia,
      Thank you as always for your kind words. I couldn’t agree more with your comments about this process being similar to a bereavement and that we don’t always move smoothly through each stage in order and on to the next. In my experience the best way through the process is to just go with the flow and allow yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up, as it comes up, without question or judgement. It’s a question of being kind to yourself and removing expectations, and instead giving yourself permission to experience the process as it happens for you.
      Thank you for sharing your wisdom and thoughts here, it really is much appreciated.
      Claire x

      Reply

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