Following on from last week’s newsletter article, I had an interesting conversation that prompted me to write today’s article.
The person I was speaking to had read last week’s article about the fact that “Everything is Perfect” and they asked me a very interesting question.
The conversation went something like this:
“I read your article about everything being perfect, but aren’t there times when something happens and that you just get caught up in the emotion of the moment, and you feel angry or sad even though you know you should be thinking positively?”
I am so grateful to the individual who asked this question (you know who you are)…because it occurs to me now that reading my post from last week you might think that I’m this impossibly happy and positive person who relishes every upset as an opportunity for personal growth.
…and I do believe that every upset is an opportunity for growth …eventually!
But in the moment, I feel all of the raw emotions the same as everyone else does. It’s natural. It’s human. It’s the way we’re built.
Not only is it natural, but it’s necessary.
You see, if a situation comes up where you get hurt and you don’t acknowledge and honour that emotion, instead trying to move directly onto the ‘positive aspect’ of it, the emotion will stay with you.
It might be buried or ignored for a bit, but sooner or later it will pop up again and say hello…or a greeting that is much less friendly!
I’ve had an experience this week that has really reminded me of this.
Over the weekend I was relying on a very good friend of mine to complete some crucial work for a part of my business. There was a deadline that couldn’t be moved and it was fundamental to a project I was working on.
I had offered to find an alternative solution last week if it wasn’t going to be possible to complete it and less than 24 hours before the deadline I received confirmation that it was in progress and it would be done.
So when said friend dropped off the radar with no communication and no warning that it would not be completed at all, I was completely shocked.
The deadline came and went with no word, and the work was not completed. At the last minute I had to find an alternative solution myself so as not to let down people who were relying on me.
In that moment, and for several moments after it, there was a lot of emotion.
It was raw.
It was intense.
It was overwhelming.
I felt hurt, let down, angry, disappointed…and a whole lot more too.
I reached out to friends. I vented. I cried. I allowed myself to feel it all completely.
Because once it had been felt…it was possible to release it and let it go.
…and it was also possible to see the gift in it.
I got to prove to myself that when I’m in a difficult situation and the pressure is on, I am able to find a solution.
Also, there have been several occasions in the last few months where I’ve been presented with opportunities to show compassion to, and actively help, people who have hurt me. This was another one of those opportunities.
Not making what they’ve done OK, or ignoring it. Acknowledging, expressing and facing how they have made me feel, but still choosing to show compassion for them in spite of that.
Because as hurt as I had been by it, I know that the intention had always been to help. …and as disappointed as I was to be let down by a good friend, I knew that they weren’t a bad person…they’d just made choices that had led to a situation that caused me to feel bad.
I found a quote that really summed the situation up “Forgiveness doesn’t mean accepting someone’s apology, it means understanding fully that a person made a mistake but is worthy of a second chance” ~ faithlovestoreblog.
But as much as there was a ‘silver lining’, it was just as important for me to acknowledge, feel and experience the intense feelings as and when they came up, as it was to eventually see the gift in the situation.
…and when in that moment of feeling and experiencing those intense emotions the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to allow yourself to be with it, feel it…but avoid reacting from that place.
Let the intensity of the emotions release before you act and you can then choose to respond rather than react.
As you know, one of the core aspects of femininity is to be emotionally connected…so in order to really embrace our feminine we need to also embrace, embody and experience our emotions in order that they can freely flow into and out of us.
That way we can honour them, without holding onto them…and we can then eventually see the gift.