The last couple of weeks we’ve been talking about sisterhood and the importance, value and power of really deep, mutually fulfilling relationships with other women.
We began by looking at the difference between acquaintances, friendship and sisterhood and understanding the reasons why sisterhood is so different and so important. Then last week we looked at how you can find the women who could become your soul sisters.
So you know you want to create sisterhood with women in your life, and you’ve found the women with whom you want to develop a deeper connection and relationship…so the next question is, “How do you create sisterhood?”
What does sisterhood look like? How does it grow and develop?
What makes women who are soul sisters different? What to they do differently? What do they say differently? How do they behave differently?
The path to sisterhood is simple…but not always easy.
To create sisterhood with other women means removing any and all masks, letting down your barriers, and opening your heart to another woman with no conditions. Accepting everything you are, being everything you are, showing everything you are and allowing them to be everything they are too.
Oh is that all? No Problem!
The more of the real, whole you that you allow them to see, the deeper the connection will be.
So what does that really mean? What does it look like in your real life, day-to-day interactions?
Well I’ve identified 25 ways to help you to create sisterhood with the women in your life, and today I want to share the first of these with you:
- Accept them exactly as they are – Sisterhood is all about finding people who will accept you, love you as you are, and allow you to be everything that you are, and for whom you are prepared to do the same. As I mentioned in last week’s article, the key is being prepared to ‘go first’ – accept them as they are, show them that it’s safe…invite them to do the same for you in return.
- Be open and honest – Speak the truth, speak what’s there, share how you’re feeling, be open with what’s going on in your life. Sometimes we can feel a resistance to saying something because we’re worried how someone else might feel, how they might react… Will they not like us? Will they judge us? The thing is that not saying something doesn’t stop it from being there…and it will affect the relationship. Not saying stuff will create blocks and boundaries. Saying it, whatever it is, with kindness and compassion (for yourself and others) and with the intention to deepen your relationship and connection means you can talk it out, hear what each other has to say…and really support each other at a real level.
- Allow them to see all of you, even the bits you don’t want to admit to yourself – Have the courage to be vulnerable and allow them to see all of you. As women we have a habit of trying to deny parts of ourselves, making them ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’…without realising that they are all a part of us. When we allow other women to see those parts we get the opportunity for them to say “me too!” or to share the parts that they don’t really want to admit to too.
- Really listen – Give your full presence to your sisters…and really listen to what they have to say. Listen to learn more about them, to understand them, to know how to support them…and really hear them. Feeling seen and heard is the basis for creating real connection.
- Dive in at the right depth for you…and be prepared to venture into the deep end! – In sisterhood we have the ability to go deep. I mean really deep. In sisterhood there is a safe space that allows us to deal with anything and everything. We have the opportunity to get supported when dealing with the toughest experiences in our lives, we have the opportunity to be really seen and heart…to discover who we really are. That doesn’t mean you have to jump in at the deep end right from the start…but the deeper you’re prepared to go, the deeper the connection you will feel and the more you will all get out of the relationship.
- Leave any pretence at the door – We’ve all done the “I’m fine” thing at times, or chosen to ‘focus on the bright side’ rather than face what’s really there. In sisterhood it’s about telling it how it is…as challenging as that can be at times, it means the connection and the conversation is always authentic and real.
- Let go of judgements – Of yourself and them. Judgements put barriers between people, and they get in the way of us seeing what is really there. Replace judgement with curiosity and a desire to understand the other person…it will bring you closer and open your mind up to new possibilities and ideas.
- Allow them to be where they’re at – Often in our desire to ‘help’ someone out, we seek to move them from where they’re at to a better state. If someone’s upset, we want to cheer them up, make them feel better, when in reality they might need to just feel upset for a bit, so they can process the emotion and then let it go. Just being with them where they are and holding a space for them to be there is incredibly powerful.
- Support them in the way they want or need support – When we support others we often do it in ‘our way’ without realising that they might need support in a different way. Learning to support them ‘their’ way will transform your relationship completely.
- Ask them what they want and need – How do you support them in the way they want and need? Simple, ask. When someone is in a challenging situation or state, actually just having someone saying “What do you need?”, “What do you want?” or “How can I help?” can be the most comforting thing in the world and gives them permission to ask for what would help them most.
- Ask for what you want and need – One of the best ways to ensure that you sisters really do ask for what they want and need, is to show them how by asking for exactly what you want and need yourself. This way you help them to be there for you in the way that will mean the most to you, and you show them that you really want to know what will work for them too.
- Allow them to be there for you – As women we tend to go into ‘helper’ mode…we want to be there for everyone else, but we aren’t so good at receiving help ourselves. Sisterhood is a two-way thing…if it isn’t, it doesn’t work. Allow your sisters to help you…allow yourself to receive their support as much as you want them to receive yours.
- Celebrate with each other – Sisterhood is as much about celebration as it is about being there when things aren’t going so well. If one of your sisters has reason to celebrate allow yourself to celebrate her successes as much as your own…and she will be only too willing to do the same. Soul sisters are your biggest cheerleaders in life…remember to share your celebrations with them along the way!
Number 13 seems to be the perfect place to pause, being how relevant the number 13 is for us women (if you have any concerns about 13 being unlucky…I know how you feel, I used to be the same….but pop over here to find out how powerful the number 13 is for us ladies!)
So I’ll leave you with a couple of questions to consider…how do you create sisterhood? What are your thoughts on the first 13 ways to create sisterhood? Do you have any questions about sisterhood? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please drop me an email Claire@feminine1st.com and let me know what you think.
I’d like to invite you to have a play with these this week, try some of them on and see how they feel…and be sure to pop back next week to see the rest of the 25 ways you can create sisterhood with other women.