The blanks that complete the following sentences:
I’m not _________ enough
I wish I was __________ enough
Will I ever be ________ enough
Why aren’t I ________ enough
If only I could be _______ enough
When will I be __________ enough
…and what are the blanks? Take your pick, there’s plenty to choose from:
I’m not pretty enough
I’m not smart enough
I’m not thin enough
I’m not feminine enough
I’m not funny enough
I’m not good enough
I’m not desirable enough
I’m not successful enough
I’m not adventurous enough
I’m not giving enough
I’m not doing enough
I’m not happy enough
I’m not sexy enough
I’m not strong enough
Enough compared to….
When we use this dangerous term (enough should be the new four letter word if you ask me), we are subconsciously comparing ourselves.
We’re not enough compared to what?
Well often the first thought here is ‘other people’
People often compare themselves to friends, family or celebrities. They think “I’m not skinny enough compared to <<name the latest size zero celeb>>” or I’m not pretty enough compared to <<name friend / family member or colleague>>”, or “I’m not successful enough compared to <<name colleague, friend or the latest billionaire entrepreneur>>”.
At least when you do it this way, you stand a chance. Because if they’re real people, they also have real problems, real challenges and real flaws the same as everyone else.
But for most people they’re not comparing themselves to others.
Oh no, they go one better.
They compare themselves to this picture perfect idealised version of themselves that is humanly impossible to achieve. Expecting themselves to be absolutely perfect, and describing themselves as ‘not enough’ when they don’t measure up.
This version of themselves looks perfect, has the perfect career, the perfect relationship, the perfect car, the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect lifestyle, and always does, says and behaves in a perfect way.
It was exhausting even writing that!!
But comparing yourself to it on a weekly, daily or even hourly basis is completely and totally debilitating.
You’re setting yourself up to feel bad, before you’ve even begun.
The question is, what is enough?
What does the word even mean? Well, to put it succinctly it means adequate.
…and so every time we question whether we are ________ enough, we are telling ourselves that we are inadequate.
I challenge you to show me any woman anywhere who isn’t adequate, who isn’t enough exactly as she is.
You won’t find one.
Because we’re born enough….we just spend the next however many years we get to hang out on this planet convincing ourselves that we’re not.
…and it’s bullshit.
Because we are enough, just as we are.
Enough is Enough with Enough
If you ask me, you’re more than enough.
You’re everything you need to be and more.
You see if enough is all about achieving a standard of perfection, you’re already there.
Because you’re perfectly imperfect, just like me.
Which means that you are enough, right here, right now, just as you are.
So I invite you this week to notice all of the places where you use the word enough, out loud, in your own mind….and even all of the places where it hangs silently, not being said explicitly but hovering nonetheless in the back of your mind.
..and every time this new expletive appears, I would like you to find the nearest reflective surface, look yourself in the eye, smile and say 7 simple words, and mean them from the heart…
I am enough, just as I am”