So having talked about masculine masks last week, this week we’re looking at the other side of the coin.
Because as difficult as a masculine mask is…wearing a feminine one can be even worse…
We have all seen women who are quite obviously prioritising their masculine tendencies, but the other extreme are women who put on the appearance of being a feminine woman: an appearance that is only skin deep.
I was at a Christmas party a week or so ago, speaking to a group of friends when the subject of femininity came up. Someone very kindly put me forward as an example of a feminine woman when one of the women in the group said something which I found really interesting. “Yes, but Claire’s the RIGHT sort of feminine, she’s obviously feminine but she has a power with it…she’s not one of those ‘other’ feminine women”…I was intrigued.
“What kind of feminine women do you mean?” I said. She replied “Oh you know…THAT kind”…and put on a silly giggle paired with an obviously ‘put on’ face that made her look like a four year old trying to appeal for a sweetie / cuddly toy / just one more hour before bedtime…
What fascinated me about this is that, in my opinion, that’s not femininity at all (something I pointed out during the conversation). It’s not something that you ‘put on’ like a pair of killer heels (like the beautiful pair of bright pink peep toes that I was surprised with as a birthday present this weekend…sorry just had to share that with you all!)
As I’ve mentioned on more than one occasion, true femininity can only come from the inside. It’s beautiful, authentic and real. It starts from within and is radiated outwards.
Yes, your appearance can help you to feel more in touch with your femininity – for some ladies it’s easier to feel feminine in a dress and sparkly earrings than it is in flat boots and a masculine uniform – but that’s not where it originates.
Wearing a mask that shows you as feminine if the inner you doesn’t match is no better than wearing a mask that portrays you as masculine. It’s still concealing the true you…and femininity is all about being true to yourself, inside and out.
As with masculine masks, there are a number of reasons that women can step into the role of a “Fake feminine”.
The most common reason is simply to mask insecurity. By putting on the mask of a pretty confident woman it is easy to feel that you are covering up and hiding away parts of yourself which might otherwise make you feel vulnerable. What we have to remember is that especially as women, our vulnerability is our power…by being able to embrace our own imperfections we give others permission to acknowledge their own, rather than shying away from them. It enables us to connect with others at a level which otherwise would not be possible.
Unfortunately there is also another reason why some women choose to adopt a ‘fake feminine’ persona. Some women believe that through adopting this artificial femininity that it will enable them to manipulate others and ‘get their own way’. It is unfortunate that women who do this can affect people’s perception of femininity…much like my friend’s perception from the Christmas party. Women who do this, in my experience, actually do this in order to cover even larger and deeper insecurities. It comes from a place of fear which leads to a need to control and protect themselves at all costs.
While it would be easy to judge women who behave in this way and criticise their choices, I believe that the better response is to treat them with kindness. They might just need someone to show them a little understanding to question whether they need to protect themselves to such an extreme. Remember…vulnerability is power.
Being true to yourself is so important…it would be great if more women could look in the mirror, smile and say “I am happy with me”, or even better “You’re gorgeous, inside and out”.
So we know that authenticity is the key…and the quickest and easiest way to authentically connect with your femininity is to dance. It doesn’t have to be in a dance class, or even need to be co-ordinated! Just moving your body to music that you love in a way that makes you smile is all it takes.
…and in so I want to share this video with you to inspire you to connect with your authentic femininity the way that this lovely little girl does:
Here is the link in case the video doesn’t display in your browser: http://youtu.be/_DqysFUF8WU
P.S. Remember that you can still get your copy of The Feminine Evolution audio programme in time for a last minute Christmas gift! Order before Monday 19th December for delivery in the UK by the time Santa arrives 😀