Have you ever had an unusual request from a stranger, like this?

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Question from a strangerAs we all know, Femininity is nothing to do with what you wear, what you say, or what you do…it’s all about who you are.

Getting back to the real you inside, being your true authentic self and letting it radiate out of you for the world to see.

If a feminine woman who is confident and comfortable in her femininity walked in a room wearing trainers, baggy jeans and a big jumper without her hair being done or a scrap of makeup across her face, people would still be able to see her femininity.

Likewise if a woman who was more identified with her masculine traits walked into a room in a beautiful dress, people would still see and respond to the masculinity in her.

When you’re really in touch with who you truly are, it radiates out of you. They might not even realise it, but people can see it and feel it…they respond to it.

I had an experience a few years ago that really demonstrated this to me. I’d always known that people can get a sense of other people…but I hadn’t realised how literal that could be.

As you may know, I’m something of a hugger.

I love hugging.

Most people who have ever met me have probably been hugged by me (with certain notable exceptions…I don’t believe I’ve ever hugged my dentist, doctor or a policeman…yet).

One of my favourite videos of all time is the FREE HUGS viral video:

I am the originator of the now world famous “Squishy Hug”.

Several years ago I actually had two ‘FREE HUGS’ T-shirts made up that have been worn on numerous occasions.

Claire Brummell, Feminine 1st

…and I have even hugged rival team members during a friendly game of rounders (a game similar to softball if you are one of my international readers).

There are few situations that I can think of where a hug won’t make things a little bit better 🙂

Everyone who knows me, knows that the way to my heart is through a heartfelt hug….and that I am just as happy to give strangers a hug as I am my friends.

A few years ago, I was in a salsa club in London…it was pretty late in the evening and I’d been dancing most of the night.

The club I was at was one of my regular spots…I went there at least 2 or 3 times a week and I knew all of the regulars…and several of the irregulars too!

Unlike most of the clubs that I went to, this one often had a mix of dancers and non-dancers…so not everyone who was there was there to salsa.

I was stood on the edge of the dance floor in a little world of my own watching my friends dancing, when I saw someone approaching me.

Now in a salsa club, if someone comes towards you it’s normally to ask you to dance, so I was fully expecting a request to hit the floor and bust out some moves.

When I turned to see who was walking towards me I realised that it was a woman…but as I both lead and follow in salsa it’s not unusual for women to ask me to dance as well as men, so I wasn’t surprised.

As she stopped in front of me I realised that I’d never seen this person before, she wasn’t part of the local salsa scene and hadn’t been to any of the clubs or events that I’d been to….but that wouldn’t have stopped me from having a dance!

So I turned to look at her and she said simply “Can I have a hug?”

I was a little surprised by the request as I had been expecting to be asked for a dance…but without missing a beat I responded by saying “Of course you can” and giving her one of my famed squishy hugs.

Once I’d given her the hug she smiled and simply said “Thank you” and then left the club. As I watched her go I realised that she wasn’t with anyone else…and I never saw her again.

It suddenly occurred to me that if she had asked the same question to anyone else I knew in the club at that time at best they would have probably given her a very odd look and made an excuse to get out of the situation…at worst they would have flat refused.

I checked and I wasn’t wearing one of my free hugs T-shirts…and I’d also not been hugging people at the time, so it didn’t appear that she’d seen something that would have suggested I’d be open to the request.

Then I realised something.

It wasn’t because I was doing or saying something…it’s because of who I was. I was ‘being’ myself…and other people can just pick up on it.

In the same way as when I’m out and about my sister regularly asks, “Why do strangers always start talking to you?”….and I respond by saying “I think it’s because they can tell that I’m the sort of person who will talk back!”

When you are being yourself, completely and totally, other people can sense it, and they respond to it without needing to see any other ‘evidence’ of it.

It’s the reason random strangers start talking to me no matter where I am…it’s the reason that I find kind people wherever I go who offer to help if I get stuck…and it’s the reason that people feel they can walk up to me in a salsa club and ask me for a hug, even if they’ve never met me before!

So this week I have two questions for you. Firstly, “Who are you being?” and secondly “Are you being it so completely that other people can just sense it?”

…and this is a reminder to you that being feminine has nothing to do with what is on the outside, what you do or what you say…it’s about who you are.

When you feel it on the inside, it radiates out of you…and then other people can see the beautiful feminine woman that you really are.

…and next time you see me, be sure to claim your squishy hug! ;o)

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

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