Not only did I get to hang out with some of the most amazing people I know, and celebrate my birthday with Mickey Mouse and the best cupcakes I know of, but I was also able to go back and crew the event that changed my life forever.
Before I attended this event I’d unknowingly spent the last 20 years of my life trying to be a guy.
Masculine, Feminine, what…?
Masculine and Feminine were never talked about, or even thought about in my world (unless I was trying to work out whether a table in French should have a le or la at the front of it… and I still don’t understand how a table is feminine!)
Having been bullied at every school I ever went to, and particularly at the ‘all girl’ school I attended…I naturally felt more comfortable hanging around with the guys…and I was very good at being ‘one of the boys’ to fit in.
Very few people believe this when they hear it, but it’s true.
I was competitive, out to prove myself, and determined to show the guys that I could do everything as well as they could, if not better.
At university, studying IT and therefore surrounded by men, I didn’t earn my stripes by knowing more about the guys on my course about computers and programming (although that was quite often the case)….I earned them by being able to drink them all under the table, because that’s how the guys bonded.
Moving on to a career in IT, then followed by video games, it’s easy to see how being in a more ‘masculine mode’ became part of my day to day life.
I wasn’t conscious of the fact that I was wearing a masculine mask, I didn’t know that there was any other way to do it, and I had no idea how much it was affecting me.
I was unhappy, stressed and exhausted…I was miserable in my ultra competitive work environment and was desperately trying to keep control in my intimate relationships to try and prevent getting hurt….which only led to more heartbreak.
An interesting series of events led me to attend the seminar that changed my life….including a Frisbee trampling, some nasty injuries and a hospital visit (read my full story here if you want to know more)
It was apparent that I was meant to be at this event…no matter what route I had to take to get there!
…and it soon became clear why.
When they started talking about masculine and feminine it felt like they were talking to me.
Finally Feeling Feminine
Within a couple of hours I’d made a very small shift, that was the beginning of a very exciting journey…one to rediscover myself, and to find the parts I’d lost touch with along the way.
I felt like I could breathe again, I felt like me for the first time in a long time, and I realised how much I had tried to change myself to create ‘success’, to keep other people happy and to try to fit in.
When I got back from the event I realised that I wanted to know more…if a small amount of information had made this much difference, then I wanted to see what else there was.
It wasn’t always an easy journey, removing the masculine mask and stepping back into feminine flow…and there were times that I really struggled with it…so I became a sponge for information about it to help me navigate the hurdles along the way.
I watched videos, read books, attended seminars, listened to audios…you name it, I did it! Anything and everything I could find out about the Masculine and Feminine….and it opened up this whole new world for me…one where I felt more relaxed, happy and fulfilled than ever.
…and that began the beginning of this journey – I realised that there were probably a lot of other women out there who are in exactly the same position as I was…feeling stressed, tired, and striving for perfection, and not knowing that there is another way.
Feminine 1st was born to help women reconnect with their feminine, and soon after my work with men to reclaim their masculine began too, as well as helping couples all over the world with polarity in relationships.
So it was interesting to be back at the event where it all began and see so many other women in exactly the same position as I had been, at the beginning of their journeys.
…and while I was there, something occurred to me.
I got the opportunity to look back and see just how far I’d come.
When I think back to how I was just a few short years ago, I realise just how different I am today. I’m happier, I’m more relaxed, I’m more in tune with my intuition….I’m much more fulfilled. The list of ways in which my life has changed goes on.
Just a few weeks ago I got to speak to the person who ran the seminar that introduced me to myself again and shared with him my story. When I explained how masculine I had been before he simply said “Well your feminine is in full flow now!”
When I was crewing this event I heard some beautiful compliments describing me as the “most feminine woman I know” and “a beautiful example of femininity”…and I realised that this was one of those moments to sit back and appreciate how far I’ve come.
In just a few years I’ve moved from the poster boy for masculine masks, to an example of feminine flow.
So today I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate with you how far I’ve come on my journey….and also how far you’ve come on yours.
Because even if you still feel that you have a long way to go, the very fact that you’re here, reading this article, learning more about the masculine and feminine means that you are already streets ahead of so many other people out there.
Simply knowing about these concepts and being aware of the difference they can make is half the battle. Once you’ve got that, the rest is just the details….and I’m here to help with those! 🙂
So I would like to invite you today to take a moment to stop and acknowledge how far you’ve come, because as important as it is to keep your eyes on the road ahead, it’s also good to stop every once and a while and appreciate how far you’ve already travelled.