I'm fine

No thanks, I’m fine.

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I'm fineHow many times a day / week / month do you say this sentence, or a variation of it?

It’s ok.

I’m fine.

I’ll manage.

It’ll be alright.

We spend our lives telling everyone else that we don’t need any help, assistance, guidance or support.

Often, when someone offers to help, the words of dismissal leave our lips almost before the suggestion has been made in full.

It seems that we are so used to proving to both ourselves and everyone else around us that “we can do it” and “we can cope” that we don’t even stop to consider the offer.

I feel we are so good at giving out and helping others…but not so great on the receiving front.

Well, the downside to that is that even the deepest of wells have a bottom at some point…and if you keep taking out, without putting back in, eventually it will be empty.

Us women are exactly like this. We give out, and out, and out, and out…but we forget that in order to have something left to give, we need to remember to replenish.

Receiving is a vital part of maintaining our feminine core…if we receive, we can continue to give.

Many years ago, I was the personification of the phrase “independent woman”. If something needed to be done, I could do it, I could handle it. There was nothing I couldn’t manage.

I would offer to help everyone else…with pretty much anything…but I didn’t like accepting help.

I didn’t want to put anyone out, or inconvenience anyone. I could do it….regardless of the fact that it might take me twice as long, or three times as much hassle.

When someone reminded me of two things:

If I kept giving out constantly…and never received…sooner or later there would be nothing left to give.

By not receiving myself, I was denying other people the pleasure of being able to give. Helping or doing something nice for someone else can really make your day…who was I to deny someone else that great feeling?

It was a major wakeup call.

I was chatting to a friend last week who was organising an event and having trouble finding a venue. When someone offered to help, her instinct was to say “No, don’t worry about it, I’ll manage”…when instead she found herself saying “actually, that would be great”.

Those 5 words saved her stress, hassle and extra workload which (given everything else that needed to be done) made a HUGE difference to her week.

The venue was sorted, and she didn’t have to worry about a thing…and the person who helped got to feel great about helping out someone they cared about.

It was a win-win situation…which wouldn’t have existed if she had insisted on proving that she could do it herself.

So the next time someone offers you help I’d like to ask you to be a S.T.A.R.

Stop – Stop first before saying anything. Be sure to respond to the offer they are giving you, not react to the fact that someone is trying to help.
Think – Think about what they are offering you. Would it help you? Will they feel good for being able to do it? Could you suggest a compromise which would work for you both?
Acknowledge – Acknowledge what they have said and thank them for their offer.
Receive – Receive the offer graciously.

If we all learned how to be stars…think how sparkly life would be! 😉

Stay Fabulous!

Claire x

13 replies
  1. Nalini Persad
    Nalini Persad says:

    I agree especially with the fact that we deny others the pleasure of being able to help and feel good. So actually saying “I am fine” is rather selfish even if it was not intended as such.

    Reply
  2. Martina
    Martina says:

    It is a thing we all forget, Claire.

    No we aren’t always fine; and no, we can’t always get it done by ourselves. We work ourselves to exhaustion trying to be superwoman when we should be receiving, and we should be teaching others a better way.

    My wakeup call was helping someone at church, she offered to do something personal for me, and like you I kept declining. Her view and now my own was that I was being rather selfish when I thought I was being geberous. She gently told me that I should not block her ability to bless me in the wats that she can do it best.

    It is not always work-related, but we must remember that we can warm someone else’s heart or bless them by letting them “do what they do.”

    Martina
    @martinsmcgowan

    Reply
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      Hi Martina,

      It’s so great to know that other women (and men) around the world are also learning to let others give to them! It makes everyone a little happier! 🙂

      Thank you for sharing your experience, I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

      Claire x

      Reply
  3. Kim Boudreau Smith
    Kim Boudreau Smith says:

    Claire,

    This is a great one. I have learned the first half of my life to simply say, “I’m great” and so on, I was always giving and coming up empty. So now I speak my truth. I love the S.T.A.R., really helps outs! Thank you.

    Reply
  4. Elizabeth Rangel
    Elizabeth Rangel says:

    I do the same thing when I am carrying heavy things into work. I want to to be superwoman. But being a start is better. Nice article, Clarie!!! It can make your day even happier, I agree 100%

    Reply
  5. Alicia
    Alicia says:

    Great article, Claire! Thank you for sharing it,
    I love the S.T.A.R!! Have just come back from my long holiday in Venezuela, feeling a bit behind with the programme but ready to kick in with the catching up! Alicia xx

    Reply
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      Thank you Alicia, I’m delighted that you like the S.T.A.R.

      I hope that you had a wonderful trip and enjoy catching up on all we’ve been up to while you were away xx

      Reply

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